User Topic: Trying to understand my WS's anger
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Member # 41698
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)

It's been almost a week since discovery and last night she came home from spending time with her mom and sis which are both typically a positive influence in her life. Anyways I looked at our phone records online while I was at work and didn't find anything and since I logged in and out so many times the website required me to change a security question so I did. She is the primary on the acct and got an email about the change, so she texted me asking me if I changed it. I was going to be home soon and was going to just tell her in person.

Fast forward to when she gets home, she's livid that I changed something on our account and wasn't upfront about telling her so I told her that I was planning on telling her in person, that seemed to make her more mad. She launched into our finances being a disaster and that both of our spending has been out of control for months now which is true. After getting all of this out in the open I assumed that her mood would change. Not so much the case she has been crabby and irate ever since and I don't really know how to understand why she is acting this way. Could any WS out there give me a clue as to why she is acting like this?!?

Posts: 8 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)


She is throwing a hissy fit about anything and everything to avoid dealing with the real issue in the marriage...her betrayal..the lying and cheating.

It's a common tactic.

FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7678 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 41286
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)

Camp, my WW still has secrecy issues and feels that I have no right to snoop. She yells about not trusting her and tries to whip me into line by threatening divorce. It was not until I told her that I would pick up the paperwork at the courthouse that she stopped using that tactic.

She is mad you snooped. Mad she got caught cheating. Mad that the super-happy fun time is over and the thought has never occurred to her that she has left a Cat 5 swath of destruction behind her. Prepare yourself that nothing you do will be right, good, enough. I know brother. I''m right there with you.

Someday, she may start to see the light...or she won''t. If she does celebrate one little win.

Me: 42
WW: 36
Latest D-day: Sept 2013
Reconciling? Limbo?

Posts: 96 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NE Ohio
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)

She launched into our finances being a disaster and that both of our spending has been out of control for months now which is true.

Reality is a bitch!

You took away her OM, and all the feel good brain chemicals that reinforce the affair fantasy. An affair is an escape from reality. You took away her coping drug of choice.

She's jones-ing for a fix.

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)

This. She needs her A fix.

My WH was starting to do the work of R, still foggy, but maybe starting to come out of it, when the OW contacted him. He didn't reply, told me etc...but he started craving that fix again and eventually chose it. For some the A is addictive, sometimes literally because it can give a dopamine high.

Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1050 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Member # 39911
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)

Prepare yourself that nothing you do will be right, good, enough.

Tell it!

Me: BS - 58
Him: WS - 56
Married 34 yrs

Latest DD - April 2013, PA

Posts: 197 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 6