User Topic: so ashamed
Member # 40078
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)

There is a restaurant I usually quickly run in & out of with take out. Today I was in there a little later than usual & had no place to go, so I sat down to eat.

The place started to fill up. I noticed I was the only woman in the place. Then the thought came....if I wanted to meet a guy this would be a good place to hang out.

I was so ashamed of myself. I felt the need to look only at my table or out the window to avoid any possible temptation. How did I get here?

D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50
WH 52
last broken NC 7/2013 (hopefully)
Married 29 years
2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 317 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)

I think you are being hyper-vigilant. I get random, crazy thoughts like that too. Sometimes our minds are like monkeys!!

I wouldn't be worried or ashamed unless you were really contemplating hooking up with someone there. Like, you know, grabbing them and hustling them into the bathroom. .

Lighten up a little soconfusednow! If it becomes a pattern of escapist thinking, then you have something to worry about.

[This message edited by bionicgal at 2:15 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)]

me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.

Posts: 1970 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)

Don't be so hard on yourself. The ground was taken out from underneath you not that long ago. There is a huge difference between a fleeting thought and an action plan.

It's good to acknowledge when we have unhealthy thoughts, and to tell them to shush. You're not a bad person, you're just in a new headspace and need to learn how to deal with the emotions. You're going to be ok.


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17368 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)

You are ok!!! I have had the most random thoughts like that, I am embarrassed to even say them. Yours is pretty tame compared to mine, just saying.

Sadly though, I too wonder how in the world did I get here, of all places?

Take care!

Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 484 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)

if I wanted to meet a guy this would be a good place to hang out... I was so ashamed of myself.

I'm sorry you felt ashamed. I think you just noticed the environment. You recognized a slippery slope without jumping onto it. That's reason to celebrate your observational skills and integrity.

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10105 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Member # 41166
Default  Posted: 5:40 AM, December 19th (Thursday)

I have those thoughts too...nothing to be ashamed of. I used to look around me in every store and wonder which guys would leave the store with me if I came on to them! I would NEVER act on those thoughts. I think those kind of thoughts are actually a way to understand our WS and tap in to our we can understand their flaws and weaknesses better.

Me: BW 41
FWH 41
Together 21 yrs, M 18, 2 kids
DDay: 12/11/12 ONS with CW
Used condom, got chlamydia anyway.

His betrayal of me was not because I didn't shine brightly enough, but because he chose to put on blinders.

Posts: 260 | Registered: Oct 2013
Topic Posts: 6