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User Topic: Timelines
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)

Are so important, not only for the BS. My friend invited me out to a clun om Friday and an immediate sense of guilt accompanied reading the name. I invited OM to that club once with the same friend. Mentioned I was supposed to go to a fight party at another place and it didn't pan out (it was a fight party OM invited me to and I felt uncomfortable so was supposed to go with a friend who cancelled so i cancelled, this was before it got physical and when I was flirting and thought i was handling it, pfft yea right) so she told me to invite the friends and I did. He asked for a pic I sent him one of me in my dress at the club and then no more responses. I'm 99.9% sure I told XSO about this. I remember him asking if I ever sent OM pics and I told him about that picture. He also asked about that fight party. So I'm pretty darn certain he was told. Thing is he never wanted to read the timeline I offered. Stopped wanting any and all details so now if I recall something, even a sentnce uttered that I remember th at I didn't before I have to work through it and keep it there in case he ever wants more details. Yes we are broken up but I think if he ever asks me anything more about this its his right to know but I don't want to sucker punch him with anything ya know.

So point of all this? Timelines are important. Even if your SO doesn't want one, the day they are ready for one you should have a mental diary or written one of everything you've remembered.... 99.9% certain....


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2760 | Registered: Oct 2012
womaninflux
Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)

I agree. My husband recently, 9 months post DD, provided a timeline. He wrote it and his CSAT edited it to make sure it stuck to the points it needed to make, which was when they met, how it heated up, travels, gifts, money spent, etc. It was therapeutic for him, I think, because he needed to see the enormity of what he'd done - the money spent, the amount of lies and deception needed to carry on like that for 2.5 years, the kind of person you need to be (or have turned into temporarily) to get in that deep. It was therapeutic for me because I needed to know I wasn't crazy for feeling like something was up but I could not explain it. They say that the healing really begins when the timeline/disclosure is provided.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)

And I agree completely. I freely confessed everything and anytime I remembered anything even white lies I confessed. He told me to stop because he knew enough and as long as there wasnt another A then he didnt want more. I told him if he ever needed to talk more I was an open book. He never gave me the same, I dragged everything out of him or snooped all the details I have and it hurts.

Timelines, confessions, open journals get out what you remember with the option to add more if you remember more. It is a balm to get out the ugly and the toxic.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2760 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 3