SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: My deadline has passed without fanfare (happy story)
TXBW68
Member
Member # 36456
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, December 19th (Thursday)

When he moved home in February, I gave myself a deadline of December 15th to try to make our marriage work. The date was based on the amount of time we were separated - almost 10 months. On 12/15, he would have been home longer than he was away. I did not tell him about the deadline.

Unfortunately, the best thing that happened to us was the separation. It forced him to grow up. To really look at himself - and me - and what he wants in life. While he was sitting in that tiny apartment alone, he discovered that he truly loves me - and no one else. He discovered that he was acting like a selfish prick for years and that the only reason we had the life we had was because I held it together.

He has learned that loving someone is not a passive emotion. It is a verb, an action. He tries everyday to show me in his actions how much he loves me and appreciates everything I do for our family. He doesn't take anything for granted anymore. And he's happy with this "new" way of life - free of porn, internet chatting, FB, inappropriate behavior, etc. He says that he has BTDT and the only outcome is losing me; therefore, he never wants to be that person again.

So the deadline comes and goes. No trumpets blaring. No party. Just another day. I woke up in the arms of my husband, like I do every day now. We snuggled for a bit and then carried on with our day.

My Wayward husband is Wayward no more. I finally have the marriage that I always thought I had. I love my husband and he loves me. We aren't perfect. I still have triggers occasionally. We work through them together. But I have no doubts that we should be together.

And, we both know how lucky we are to have survived this mess and still be together. The odds certainly were not on our side! A great big hug and "Thank You" to all of the people here - and IRL - who supported me through this mess!


Me (45) WH (42),2 boys 14 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

Posts: 787 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
Gotmegood
Member
Member # 41407
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, December 19th (Thursday)

Nothing but a sigh of happiness for you. You deserve this! What a strong person you are.....


Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

Posts: 451 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Florida
HFSSC
Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, December 19th (Thursday)

Awwww. This is so beautiful to read. Thank you for sharing this.

I am happy for you both.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2711 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, December 19th (Thursday)

Happy for you!


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9548 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

I''m so happy for the two of you!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4727 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

(((TXBW68)))

Good for you.

I am happy he has been able to step up.

You deserve it.

Congrats


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3793 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
megs56
Member
Member # 40791
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

I am so happy for you! Your story gives me hope. Not necessarily for my relationship, but just in general. :)

(((TXBW68)))


Me: BGF - 29
Him: WBF - 32

I broke up with him and now I am trying to heal.

Hurt me with the truth, but never comfort me with a lie.


Posts: 118 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Sacramento, Ca
womaninflux
Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

Congrats. I hope to be you someday.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 864 | Registered: Jun 2013
HurtNewlywed
New Member
Member # 41523
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

I am so happy for you. I like reading positive outcomes like this. I'm only three weeks out from d day so I have a long time to go yet, but reading this gives me hope!


Me: 32
Him: 36
Married for 3.5 months
D-day: 11/27/13
Status: I'm undecided. He wants to reconcile.

Posts: 23 | Registered: Dec 2013
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

I am so happy for you both. Reading this made me smile.

Posts: 34777 | Registered: Mar 2011
spond
Member
Member # 41686
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

So happy... glad some end good.


BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling

Posts: 391 | Registered: Dec 2013
TXBW68
Member
Member # 36456
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

Thank you all for the warm wishes!

This road has not been easy to travel by any means. But in the end, it has been worth it. My friends on SI kept me sane for many months during the worst of it. I hope my story can bring a little bit of hope to others in the same situation.


Me (45) WH (42),2 boys 14 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

Posts: 787 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
Topic Posts: 12