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Reconciliation
User Topic: im tired of caring...
hitbyatruck
Member
Member # 23769
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

H still has addictions. He is addicted to an online multi player game and porn (he doesn't know I know about the porn). He spends hours everyday IN the game. He texts other members of his team (so he says) all the time. He uses a texting app to do so, it does not show up on his bill. He watches porn nearly every time he is left alone, at least 5 times a week.

I am tired of wondering who he is texting with, I am tired of wondering why he loves the porn so so so much, I am tired of pretending I am ok with all of it.

But scared to death to open this can of worms. If I bring it all up he will get defensive, that is how he is. What if we can't work it out? What if me telling him just gives him the heads up to hide all his online activity better?

I didn't even want to write this post for fear he might read it but I needed to get this out, especially to some people who umderstand.


Married 1998, 2 kids
D-day3/27/09,he left 5/23/09
WH wants to rebuild 3/21/10
He moved back in 9/25/10,
Dec, 2011-finally putting it all together, H had multiple affairs.
Possible porn addict for 15 yrs.
01/2014- in house separation

Posts: 3279 | Registered: Apr 2009
painfulpast
Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

I'm in the exact same boat - not with the gaming, but with the porn. He collects pictures so he can have a slideshow when he's alone. He watched porn almost every day. He watches it when I go take a shower even. He won't stop.

I did open that can of worms 2 days ago. I had really had it. You can only pretend life is grand for so long. So it came out, and it's been a battle since.

It was really like a DDay. Saying he wasn't happy, didn't love me, etc. OW was the porn. I've realized he's a sick man, but I don't think I have it in me to work through something else. I'm just so tired of this.


Love leads to tears, tears lead to sadness, sadness to memories, memories to madness

Posts: 1686 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
womaninflux
Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

As I learned this year, you have to stop feeding the disease. If you know about the porn, you need to tell him you know about the porn and tell him your bottom line, whatever that is, and follow through.

Before you confront, make sure you have copies of taxes, financials, etc. And a plan of what you will realistically do in all possible outcomes of the confrontation. Be prepared. You are only as sick as your secrets…telling him you know about the porn may be something good in the end for all of you. He may feel unburdened with the secret. And once the secret is out it's not as enjoyable to engage in.

You can't live like this. I was at your point about a year ago and trying to work up the courage to confront. Accidentally finding out about his affair was the kick in the pants we all needed.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 855 | Registered: Jun 2013
hitbyatruck
Member
Member # 23769
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

My H usually watches it when I go to a girlfriends house to watch TV at night. He goes to bed about 9pm, same as my kids. He waits for me to leave and he starts the porn. He also watches it very early morning before he leaves for work, 4am-ish.

I hate it. I hate the porn, I hate all the focus he put into his game. We have discussed the game before. He no longer pays to play (as far as I know) but after he first agreed to no longer spend money on the game he was caught 2 more times. I sound like I should be saying this about a child. Not a grown man.

I don't want to be his mother and demand an end to the game and the porn. I don't want to police his devices. I want him to do this on his own but it just seems to be escalating.


Married 1998, 2 kids
D-day3/27/09,he left 5/23/09
WH wants to rebuild 3/21/10
He moved back in 9/25/10,
Dec, 2011-finally putting it all together, H had multiple affairs.
Possible porn addict for 15 yrs.
01/2014- in house separation

Posts: 3279 | Registered: Apr 2009
Dare2Trust
Member
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

hitbyatruck,

You stated:
I don't want to police his devices. I want him to do this on his own but it just seems to be escalating.

You also stated:
H still has addictions. He is addicted to an online multi player game and porn.

There's you answer:
ADDITION

Only you can decide how long you choose to live with an ADDICT; and not address THE ISSUE.

[This message edited by Dare2Trust at 9:54 PM, December 19th (Thursday)]


Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.


Posts: 6112 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 5