User Topic: What did/is WS getting on the first post d day xmas?
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

The other tread about what did you VS OM/OW get last Christmas got me thinking about this.

First Christmas post d day for me. WW is getting nothing. I told her that a month ago and that I also want nothing. We will each fill our stocking to keep the dream alive for DD and DS (if he still believes).

A few months ago I was having a really bad day and my coworkers/fellow BS member told me to get WW a gift to help. Bahahaha, I did! I am still here and did not kick her arse to the curb like I probably should have. Maybe next year?

Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 675 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
Member # 38089
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

Last year I went above and beyond and got WH a really great gift, and made it a COMPLETE surprise. I put a lot of effort, thought, and love into the gift......only to find out ON CHRISTMAS DAY that he had sex with his ugly, old co-worker like I suspected.

This year...he has gifts that he picked out himself...not very many...mostly clothes.

[This message edited by heartbroken2012 at 3:35 PM, December 19th (Thursday)]

BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)

Posts: 551 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

A new furnace for our vacation house. THe old one crapped out suddenly last week.

BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

He is still alive and breathing.
Enough said!

I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
million tears
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

I got him a few things prior to dday #2. They are under the tree. Nothing for me is there. dday #1 was in Jan. so almost a year had passed before Christmas. I don't know what I got him.

2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.

Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
Member # 40487
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

Whatever OW is getting him?

So far each of the kids wants to get him a gift card, so I guess that's what he's getting here.

Me: BS (39)
Three Beautiful Children 12,9,5
DD: 8/24/13
Heading for divorce
Moving on with life

Posts: 107 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

One year for Christmas he didn't bother to get me anything. We stopped exchanging because I'm unemployed, but he didn't bother to take the kids shopping to get me a small gift. I'll be surprised if there's anything under the tree for me this year.

Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

Last year (after Dday 1) I bought him a very expensive shirt he had mentioned in passing that he wanted, and some cologne. He took a photo of himself wearing the shirt and a Santa hat, and texted it to OW.

This year (after Dday2) he's getting a book and a travel coffee mug.

Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 807 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 40665
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

He's getting my middle finger way up in the air!!

Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.

Posts: 224 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
Member # 41540
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

Christmas Day will be 27 days after d-day, he is getting sweet F### all!!! It's all I can do to have him in the house.

I haven't known a minutes peace for three weeks now, his remorse and begging for forgiveness is just not penetrating my brain or my heart.

Posts: 127 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: UK
Member # 39911
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

One of those photo books you design online. We took a bunch of pictures at H's parents' house, where he grew up, when they had to leave it and move to assisted living about 7 years ago. I had everything ready to design and order the book last Christmas, when my dad got really sick and had to go to a nursing home, and got busy with that. (Obviously)

That was the beginning of mean old me "not being sensitive to H's needs". Glad I put the effort into helping my dad. He was a much kinder and better man than H, who started the A he felt entitled to, only 2 weeks after Dad died. Asshole.

Anyhow... I decided to make the book this year, so if I move out he will have it to remember his life with my ILs, who were good people and would have been appalled at H's asshattery.

[This message edited by brokendancer7 at 4:28 PM, December 19th (Thursday)]

Me: BS - 58
Him: WS - 56
Married 34 yrs

Latest DD - April 2013, PA

Posts: 197 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

We are buying each other a trip out of town for New Years since he was with her last year during that time

30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1208 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

I can't even think about it. My memories of last Christmas are terrible. According to the phone records he was texting his favorite hooker Christmas Day. #areyoukiddingme

BS - 58
SAWH - 61 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 38 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
He promised me Heaven then put me thru hell

Posts: 759 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

My d-day was the first week of Dec. For that Christmas, I tried to get him the things he asked for. I was in that "love your spouse back into the M" mode. One of those things was a Cryptex from the Da Vinci Code. While he was gone I went into full on snoop mode and insisted he tell me the combo. It was "TRUST". Because according to him, I should have been trusting him. Yep- I dig at me, not a reminder of what he needed to earn.

I got a pair of boots, a season of Animaniacs and an iPod I made him return because I had one, just older. He never used the money to buy me something different.

He also, at some point, managed to text xOw2. The A was still happening. Through Christmas, New Years, him leaving for Iraq, our 13th anniversary and Valentine's Day. In fact it was late March before he sent a NC letter because she had his car and he was afraid of what she would do.

So Christmas was hard for me. Still is.

OTOH- he said it was the best Christmas ever and he could see how much I loved him.

Then why sneak off to text her and continue the A? It never makes sense.

"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11229 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

Last Xmas I got him a really nice watch. I saved up for almost the whole year to get it for him. He quit wearing it on Dday. Then I overheard him telling someone he had forgotten at OW's house one time and didn't want to lose it.

The next time I saw it around he house, I "retrieved" and kept it. He either didn't notice or doesn't miss it because he hasn't said one word about it to me.

This year, my gift to him is his freedom…to be someone else's problem.

There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 411 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
Member # 41330
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

Nothing. Except maybe some coal in his stocking, but even that would be a stretch bc it would require some minimal effort on my part.

Me: BW Him: WH (Both early 30's)
Married 11 years with a DD7
DDay: 2-24-13

Posts: 167 | Registered: Nov 2013
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

The first Christmas post D-day I left a Christmas card on his pillow. He was in the guest room at that point.

Inside the Christmas card I wrote a message something along to the lines of, "For your gift this year I am giving you your freedom to be with Trixie the Wunderslut. Please pick up the divorce papers at my lawyers office at [address]. Merry Christmas."

The most amusing part in it is that he acted as if he had not seen a thing!

I did, however, take his daughter (my stepchild) shopping for a present for him. I have no recollection of that gift.

Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink

Posts: 3086 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

last Christmas was the first one since Dday - and he was in an affair over Christmas.
Lump of coal in stocking. Not kidding.

his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”

Posts: 5276 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 38622
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

He didn't get shit. They didn't make it past 3 weeks after I found out and she moved out. Apparently he couldn't handle what the reality of being with her was like (kids, depression, still in love with me, me always going to be around for my kids etc.)and she couldn't handle the life she left behind (me having fun, hanging out with her friends, family outings with the kids, Ffamily life) I got a bad ass MAC lap top. She ssaid she has been half assing gifts to me for years (True) I totally forgot what I got her lol

[This message edited by IGaveItMyAll at 7:06 PM, December 19th (Thursday)]

ME-BS 34
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

Last year I was told no contact had been maintained - I got him a picture of the airplane he flies - framed and matted. He gave me a really nice massage package. I thought it was odd since it is totally NOT his style. Little did I know....

This Christmas? So far I have picked up a dark chocolate bar for his stocking -

We are working on reconcilliation but I am not planning to do anything big or touchy/feely for him. I'm just not there.

With that.... because I DO still monitor his email and credit card I know there have been two gift certificates purchased for a certain clothing store AND a pair of earrings purchased. Can ya'll guess what will happen should *I* not receive those things?

ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 477 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, December 19th (Thursday)


Can I ask: WHY?

This year (after Dday2) he's getting a book and a travel coffee mug.

Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.

Posts: 6133 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

First Christmas after Dday, he got a football jersey. The family wouldn't have understood why he wouldn't have received anything. It was simple and brainless. I think he was happy to receive anything...more because I thought of him. Not the value of it. He still has that jersey. I barely remember that Christmas.

Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1652 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

I bought him a new bed. He has bitched about our bed for 3 years so I got us a new one.

I have no idea what he's getting me. He can't give me what I want so it doesn't matter.

I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

Nothing. And I didn't get him anything either. We were both zombies at that point and I was just grateful that I could manage to put some sort of Christmas together for the kids.

This year is our second, so I don't know yet. He has always been a run out the night before so I don't get in trouble type of present buyer, so I am not setting the bar too high.

We shall see. He knows holidays are important to me, so maybe.......

D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1083 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Member # 41692
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

He's getting a lump of coal. Someone has been very naughty (with an emphasis on HO HO HO).

"The wishbone will never replace the backbone." -Will Henry
"This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it." -Dorothy Parker

Posts: 208 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
Member # 41219
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

I got him a Keurig coffee maker.

I bought it before d-day, I thought about returning it but I wanted one too.
Not sure what he got me, but the presents are piling up under the tree

Me: BS, 30
Him: WH, 31, 1 month EA & PA
Married 9 years
Kids: 2 perfect boys
D-day: Nov 3, 2013
Working on R

Posts: 86 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: ND
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, December 19th (Thursday)


Can I ask: WHY?

I guess that sounds like I'm sending him on a trip, doesn't it? We're still in R.

The book is a 3 volume set he's been wanting for a long time. The travel mug is because we don't have any currently that have lids, and that's what he asked me to buy him. Oh, and I bought him a bag of Bridge Mix.

He actually said he doesn't want me to get anything for him at all. I'm kind of ok with that. We're in a 'good place', I guess, but I'm really not feeling like lavishing him. My heart is still skiddish.

Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 807 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 41407
Default  Posted: 1:27 AM, December 20th (Friday)

My WH is getting a book. How to Help Your Spouse Recover from Your Affair , in the mail, cuz I've separated from him. Ordered it from Amazon today. Maybe it'll help? Sick of dragging that bus up a hill.....spelling out what I want and need. What I really need is an Instigator of healing and communication, not just a Responder We shall see

Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

Posts: 484 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Florida
Member # 41377
Default  Posted: 1:46 AM, December 20th (Friday)

Almost 4 months from dday--he is getting nothing and I want absolutely nothing from him. Even told my 21yr old I would give her the money to take her little(10 & 8)sisters out to get my gift because I dont want him participating in that either. His gift is he is still in the house and not living on the street


I got him a Keurig coffee maker.

I would change the tag "to me from Santa" lol

Posts: 109 | Registered: Nov 2013
makes me mad
Member # 32125
Default  Posted: 3:55 AM, December 20th (Friday)

He's getting my middle finger way up in the air!!

Nearly wet myself laughing at this one, (hugs)

Posts: 103 | Registered: May 2011 | From: UK
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 5:56 AM, December 20th (Friday)

Can ya'll guess what will happen should *I* not receive those things?

He will be getting his balls on a platter for Christmas....just a guess.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3846 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, December 20th (Friday)

Ok so maybe I'm going a little passive aggressive on this but he's getting a "happy" themed gift. We are a little over 2 months in this and i get the excuse- I'm not happy, haven't been happy for a while so
Movies with happy in the title (pursuit of happiness, happy Gilmore), books with happy in the title and maybe some wall art with sayings about "happy". Working on this little happy gift this weekend! Maybe he will find new ways to get that happy back that don't include his honey bunny slut!

Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain

Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
broken <3
Member # 35098
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, December 20th (Friday)

Last year I was pregnant and we were moving. I got him sweet fuck all! It was a gong show just trying to move! He was being a dick and dragging his heels. It was so embarrassing as my parents had to intervene to get us out of our rental in time!!! I begged him to pack on the weekends - I have him 3 months notice that I wanted to move too but he just refused and quite frankly threw a fit over it!
The nerve!
This year he bought a toy online with my blessing - that is until I saw it was 2.5 time more expensive than I thought.... I have no energy for this little man child! :(
Bah humbug!

Me - BS mother of 15 month old identical twin girls (conceived during HB)
Him - serial cheater
R? Still not sure if this is a deal breaker...

Posts: 459 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West coast Canada
Member # 41706
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, December 20th (Friday)

My WW spent last Christmas texting her OM, so it kind of ruins Christmas for me. However, I am going to get her something nice, like I always do.

BS- 42
WS- 36
Married 16
Kids- 3
DDay 1/17/13

Posts: 52 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: California
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, December 20th (Friday)

Herpes, I can only hope.

I'm no longer with him. I left his sorry ass.

Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1811 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Member # 36422
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, December 20th (Friday)

Nothing. I don't think she's getting me anything either

Me: BSO 39
Her: WSO 29
Together: 9 years
Married?: No
Children?: No
OM: A friend of a friend
DD#1: June 18th 2012
Many more DD after TT
PA#1: 1 week in Nov/Dec 2010, which led to a long distance EA
R: ?

Posts: 608 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Oz
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, December 20th (Friday)

I've struggled with this. It's the first Christmas since DDay and we are in hellish limbo. His A is still going on and it's just brutal around here.


He had picked out his own "big" gift already...had pre-ordered it, in fact and then said, "hey...I know what I want for Christmas!". So he is getting that from me and the kids. The kids each like to pick something out for him. From me, he is getting a pair of leather gloves (because he asked for a pair and I'm having a hard time coming up with anything on my own in this moment), and candy and some odds and ends in his stocking.

As a family we have always really enjoyed Christmas, the kids don't know any of this is going we are doing our best to keep up appearances....

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, December 20th (Friday)

Besides the extremely pissed off, raging wife?

Let's see...A huge Amex bill.

[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 11:25 PM, December 20th (Friday)]

ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.

Posts: 2123 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 34030
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, December 20th (Friday)

Since he likes to build Xmas villages during the Holidays, I have been buying him figurines and different buildings for the last few years. He's got some collection thanks to me!!

[This message edited by MammaMia at 11:42 PM, December 20th (Friday)]

And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

Posts: 874 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Somewhere in the South
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, December 20th (Friday)

Nothing. This is the first Christmas post DDay and we are now divorced. He's no longer my problem.

BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 920 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 4:48 AM, December 21st (Saturday)

I seriously can NOT remember!

I found out just before his 40th B'day and was planning a party and was just about to order him a very nice pool table. In the end, I got him nothing as I just could not manage to celebrate "him".

That Christmas is a complete blur.

BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one

Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, December 21st (Saturday)

He is getting a pair of cufflinks. With a Mario mushroom on them. To match the tie clip he got at comicon.

Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Member # 36813
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, December 21st (Saturday)

After Dday, FWH said he didn't want gifts at all anymore from anyone. He told everyone that if they insisted on giving him something they could donate to our daughters college savings. So I got him something little the first yr from our dds. Im doing the same this yr.

Posts: 278 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, December 21st (Saturday)

The first Christmas after Dday he didn't get anything. I haven't decided what I'm doing for him this year. He has recently stepped up in helping me heal and fix himself, so I do want to get him something that shows I appreciate him.

Married 9 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 466 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, December 21st (Saturday)

The first post Dday Xmas my WH was fortunate to still have me and the M. That's it.

Posts: 723 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 45