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User Topic: texting
helplessme
Member
Member # 41598
Stop  Posted: 8:07 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

When is texting too much?

I send text messages to my BH as often as I can. It's one of my ways of assuring him that I miss him, want him, need him and love him.

I don't really get responses from him everytime. He only replies to messages pertaining to the kids.

I wonder when is too much?


Posts: 69 | Registered: Dec 2013
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

What has he said about that?

Has he asked you to limit contact?
If not I would say continue to offer love and reassurance even if he doesn't respond.


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1449 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
nevergiveup10
Member
Member # 41537
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

From my experience, too much and your BS may feel crowded or they will lose their significance. My BS needs space sometimes, and I do my best to respect that though its not always easy. I found timing is everything with this type of thing, you will know when they are receptive. That's the time. Have you tried asking him how he feels about them? Don't assume he'll offer the info


WH 39
BS 34
D-Day July 15, 2013
Together 10 years
Three great boys 8,5 & 2
Working on R

Posts: 99 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: East Coast
harrypotter
Member
Member # 39526
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, December 19th (Thursday)


If he hasn't told you to stop then I don't know why you would even think about stopping even if he doesn't chat you up. I have had times like this with my BS and I get it....it hurts but I always thought....what does it say about me if I stop just because they are not responding like I would like them too, that's just not the way this works. I know it's hard but all I can tell you is keep going.


WS-Me
BS-Her (Lostinthismess)


Posts: 71 | Registered: Jun 2013
cinnamongurl
Member
Member # 37879
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

Helplessme, only your BS can tell you when its too much. If your join date is anywhere near your dday, then you're in the very beginning. You just need to be patient, proactive, and consistent. For a long time, the majority of my texts and check in photos to my BSO went unanswered, but I kept at it. And with time, transparency and consistency, I was able to begin to build back some trust.

Talk to BS, ask him what he needs from you each day to feel safe. And don't be discouraged if he doesn't text back. It may be very hard and painful for him to have to respond.


Me: 36 fWGF He: 35 BBF and my heart
Together 18 yrs. Many ddays, last one late 8/12 "Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." Tori Amos



Posts: 508 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: home with my heart.
1bigidiot79
Member
Member # 40557
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, December 20th (Friday)

Helpless, I feel the exact same way you do. My BW very rarely responds to anything related to our situation. Then I text her something related to anything other than our situation and she responds. She hasn't told me to stop so I just keep doing it. Not like every 10 minutes or anything but a couple times a day just to remind her I am thinking about her and I love her.

I will admit that at first her not responding was very difficult but it gets easier with time. I just keep telling myself how hurt she must be if she can't even respond. Unfortunately I get the same response when I try to talk to her in person about it. The only time we have an actual two way conversation about our situation is when she brings it up first which is almost never. VERY FRUSTRATING! But I've come to terms with it. I have to accept it and just be here and be ready in those times when she is ready to talk.

Hang in there.


DDay 7/23/13
TT on 3/5/14 - Finally came completely clean
Finally working on making real changes in my life, one day at a time.

Posts: 165 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 6