User Topic: Why am I like this?
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 4:32 AM, December 20th (Friday)

Why is it that some days I'm so ready to be done with this and other days it's all front and center?

I see what kind of work H has done and continues to do. Not once, ever through this whole thing, did he say it was my fault. He has always taken full responsibility for the affair.

Today is a good day. I'm in a good place. Will I be tomorrow? I don't know. I just want off this ride and want our life back.

Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 677 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 5:10 AM, December 20th (Friday)


My mood swings are dizzying! when he's home, and talking to me, and owning his shit (finally), I am hopeful. When he's at work, or preoccupied with the computer (huge trigger), I am hopeless, ready to leave.

And even when I am hopeful, I bounce between sadness and full on RAGE.

Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Member # 39210
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, December 20th (Friday)

Why is it that some days I'm so ready to be done with this and other days it's all front and center?

I hear you. I feel like I'm sitting here waiting for something. Waiting for it to be worth it it's crazy making. Some days I think maybe enough time will pass and it will be worth it in the long run. Some days I think I'm wasting my time..... I wish you could just pick one thought and stick with it!!!!

'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'

Posts: 331 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 41656
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, December 20th (Friday)

Ain't it the truth. 6 months out and I still bounce back & forth. One minute I see the changes he is trying to make and think Ok, we can stay together, it's just a matter of me finding a way to cope with my hurt feelings and move forward. Then (like someone just said), when I am away from him I start doubting, don't believe what I totally believed when he was in front of me, berating myself for being too easy on him and hearing just what I want to hear.
I don't want to be a grown-up!! I want to just leave, run away from it all. But him being back home, I see how happy it makes the kids (and, dare I say, dare I believe, how happy he seems??) and it makes me feel so selfish. Back & forth, up & down.... I just can't keep doing this! Yet I am!

Me- BS-43
Married 15 years, living together 20
DDay May 2013
TT ongoing
2 kids, 10 & 15
OW- old girlfriend from High School, and now umpteen stupid groupie local ho-bags

We are done.

Posts: 179 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: utah
Member # 40674
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, December 20th (Friday)

Me too
So anxious and sad and scared - terrified
Then other times so inspired and proud and excited

In the former at the moment
Just want a day off this rollercoaster

Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
DDay 13/9/13
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...

"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."

Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
Topic Posts: 5