New Beginnings
User Topic: Having a " Blue Christmas" here, anyone else?
Member # 39451
Angry  Posted: 8:35 PM, December 20th (Friday)

With Christmas approaching, I am feeling more lonely and aweful! I can not explain the pain, like a revisit of a DDay!
It is my first holiday ever in my life with three young children with no relatives in town.
I do have a couple of close friends. XWH will fly to Philippine for three weeks to be with OW.
I can never imagine the man you spent over 10 years will leave his kids behind in the snowy weather while he can relax on the beach with a young girl!???

BTW I did meet a guy we did a few things together, he likes me a lot, but I am sure he is the right one for me and I am not ready to let him meet my kids yet.

I know next year this time things will be a lot better, but a year (365days) seems so longgggg.

I guess I will be sing " Blue Xmas" all alone, anyone care to join me?

M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met many times with a Philippine girl found online (20 yrs younger)
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 177 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
exhausted lady
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 12:35 AM, December 21st (Saturday)

Singing it right along with you....but for oh-so-different reasons. This is the first "season of firsts" since my dad died and my mom - who has dementia - moved in with me. Also my first Christmas with my SO (and amazingly supportive man, thank God).

My dad's birthday was 11/26, then came Thanksgiving, today would have been mom & dad's 65th anniversary, and next on the list is Christmas. I am so glad to have a good man in my life right now, but DAMN am I fighting depression issues! Plus, I need to keep on a happy face for mom, her dementia has progressed to the point that she doesn't deal well with me being upset about anything.


Spring cannot get here soon enough for me. I'm right there with you Blackhair. Hang tough! And, I'll try to do the same.

I always thought I'd have things smoothed out and figured out by this stage of my life. Ummm.....guess I was wrong.

Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr

Posts: 3168 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
Member # 37991
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, December 21st (Saturday)

(((Black Hair))) and (((Exhausted Lady)))

No answers, just hugs !!

EL, I thought I'd have it figured out by now, too !

Spring is coming

BSO, 53
exWSO, who cares
DD: 11/18/12
DD2: 11/21/12
Kicked him to the curb 11/21/12
I tramp a perpetual journey.
― Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

Posts: 120 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Red State SE US
Member # 35813
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, December 21st (Saturday)

Yeah me too. I am trying to be excited for xmas but I just am not. I keep thinking that at least last year I had a boyfriend (he turned out to be a huge jerk), now I have no one. I really wish I had a family and little kids around so I could really celebrate, but since I have none of the above a huge part of me thinks what is the point? I have two weeks off work and sadly not excited at all. I will be going to my mom's which will be nice but I still feel like I really missed the boat of life if you know what I mean. This sucks. I really should have just worked over xmas.

Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

"And this above all else, to thine own self be true"

Posts: 254 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Alberta
Member # 41608
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, December 21st (Saturday)

I am having a Blue Christmas, too. I want to fast forward through the next 2 weeks and wake up next year! My parents and siblings want DD and me to come for Christmas, but I just can't make myself want to. I know everybody says I should be around family to get through this time, but I really just want to be alone with my DD at "safe" place. They don't understand what I'm going through and I figure I'll just sit there and continually break down into tears. That'll ruin it for everyone else, too. This sucks all the way around!

Married 13 years
DD #1 03/12
DD #2 11/20/13
Status: Separated and planning D

Nowhere left to go but up!

Posts: 108 | Registered: Dec 2013
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, December 21st (Saturday)

I'd love to be with my friends; I was invited, but they're 3.5 hours away and I just can't imagine driving in Christmas traffic. I'd also like to be with my mom if just to keep her company. She's not alone, but the company is not her favorite

I'd love to be with DS & DDIL, but the lack of time and the fact that they are leaving to visit her family on Christmas day makes that unviable.

I'm having an alone Christmas, but not blue. I really don't mind; I have to work Christmas Eve, probably until 10pm, maybe later. I plan to go to the movies on Christmas Day. I even bought myself a duck to cook for dinner--I love duck and haven't had it in years!

Treat yourselves well and kindly. Being alone does not have to be blue.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20327 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 37293
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, December 21st (Saturday)

I still find myself feeling fine one moment, and totally sad the next. It's all about the little things, and gaining strength and comfort with yourself, little by little.

As tough as it is, just be patient and be kind to yourself by doing those little things (cup of coffee, finding a good book or seeing a movie). You will learn to find more self-worth every day.

"Taking the high road, and doing it with class."


Posts: 155 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, December 21st (Saturday)


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25850 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, December 21st (Saturday)

On the romance side....I'm definitely singing the "Blue Christmas" song with you...but on the other hand.....this will be my daughter's 1st FUN Christmas at 16.5 months old...and I CAN'T WAIT to experience the magic of Christmas through her eyes!!! I'm so excited for her....and I think that overshadows any sadness I have for being single still..for yet my 2nd Christmas in a row.....

Maybe next year will be different.....maybe not....but either way....I'm gonna make the most of it!!! Enjoy this time with your kids....your ex is the one that is actually missing out on this much needed time with his kids....and down the road your children will remember who spent all of the holidays with them....and who didn't. You are a superstar....and don't you forget it! He will regret his choices one day....

"Sometimes your knight in shining armor just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12

Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, December 22nd (Sunday)

Yup. First one without my kids on the day (though I will go watch the present opening -- but will that make it worse or better? I am not sure) and all the accumulated complicated memories of Christmases past on top. Add in the fatigue of grad school and that the 31st will be a year since my D was final, and I am something of a hot mess at the moment. It will pass, but I will be glad to have the holidays be over.

D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
Member # 21925
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, December 22nd (Sunday)

Im looking at this time of the year as a "first". I take a step, pause to see if the step felt bad, sad, mad, no? Take another step.

For example, get a tree by myself? Sad? No. Rocked that heavybad boy all by myself . And the tree trimming guy was super nice at the lot. Trim the tree in a pitiful manner because of the new cat? Its funny because she keeps tearing parts and decorations off.

I keep busy improving my home, helping others and trying to be in the moment with friends. So for me, Christmas isnt as bad as I thought it might, and next year will be even better!

BS 43 (me)
FWH 48
D-day 9/07

Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo

Posts: 1033 | Registered: Dec 2008
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, December 22nd (Sunday)

I still find myself feeling fine one moment, and totally sad the next.


Trying to figure out how to go to sleep on the morning of the 24th and not wake up until the 2nd.

That's going to be tricky, since I am not sleeping as it is...

Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, December 22nd (Sunday)

This is my first Christmas alone in 20 years. I was pretty OK about until I told my coworker, that won't return to work until the 30th, enjoy your Christmas and your family. I left and got into my truck and sat there and cried as I backed out to go home and wait for XWH pick up DS for his weekend.

It's not just the loneliness but the years of traditions with our families I will miss so much. Seeing the families new additions, my toddler niece and her sister that is 5 mos old. In fact I haven't seen her since she was born because XWH's family won't talk me and haven't since June. I have 5 older nieces 4 out of college and 1 in jr high, none will talk to me. 2 were in our wedding. Crickets.

I am thankful though for my BFF. We he gotten much closer and spend a lot of time together. I am making new friends. I had a Christmas party at my new house 2 weeks ago and met some of my neighbors. I really hate "starting over" at 53 years old.

DS thinks I should sign up for that OLD for farmers only. Lol. We lived on a ranch and I can pretty much operate any tractor, bale and rake hay and use a hay elevator to load hay. Raised chickens and butchered our own beef and pork. I could go on and on, those are the things I miss. Now I'm in town and have neighbors and have to pay for water.

The "time" factor of 2-5 years with dealing with infidelity is the same for starting over. Just more time.

"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, December 22nd (Sunday)

I'm not having a "blue" Christmas because this is #3 on my own. I've been asked to a friend's house for dinner, but they have a HUGE family and everyone comes and that's just way tooooo many people for me to deal with.

Let's just say I am ready for the Holiday Season to be done with. It really does suck when you are "celebrating" them by yourself.


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6587 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Member # 39451
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, December 22nd (Sunday)


I really like your quote "Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.".

It is so true, anyway I managed to get a sitter and planned to go to a single dance party on New Year Eve, shaking off all the " blues".... -:)
I always love to dance have not done it since I met XWH, that is a long time.
Great to be single again and start to do things I like.

M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met many times with a Philippine girl found online (20 yrs younger)
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 177 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, December 22nd (Sunday)

((Everyone)) this is a tough adjustment with lots of ups and downs, especially around the holidays. I've had a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year, but with my DD home from college it's gotten better and it's going to be an okay Christmas.

New Years this year has me a little down. For the first time in years I don't have any firm plans in place and it has me a little down. Many of my friends have couple plans going on, and my boyfriend has his kids for NYE, so not an option. I usually have various party options but hasn't come together this year. So it may just be me. But I need to remember that really, that is okay.

Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4631 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, December 22nd (Sunday)

I miss being in love, having a plan, feeling secure, not worrying about dating. waking to see my man on the other side of the bed and quietly getting up to start my day. i miss touching feet in the middle of the night, or holding hands in bed or at the theatre... i miss lots. tonight sucks a little. I dont miss a particular person. I just miss all this :(

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 6:31 PM, December 23rd (Monday)]

6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.

Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, December 23rd (Monday)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ this ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


[This message edited by k94ever at 6:21 PM, December 23rd (Monday)]

BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6587 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Topic Posts: 18