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User Topic: My Angel baby ...... 10yrs
booger bear
Member # 26584
Content  Posted: 12:27 AM, December 21st (Saturday)

For those of you who don't know - The short version I had infertility issues, in 2003 we finally became pregnant, and in Sep. 2003 I lost Nemo - Enlarged yolk sac they said, chromosome abnormalities they said. Anyway not to tie this to why I am here on this site, onward with the story - see profile for rest.

Every year since then, I have picked an Angel off the tree at the local mall wherever I am and spent an outrageous amount of money on the child. From my heart and to theirs. My way of paying forward my pain and trying to bring something good, from something so tragic and confusing - to brighten a child's Christmas morning, if only for a few hours may the child's loved ones enjoy the smile and laughter.

SO 10 yrs now ... 10 Angles

This year I picked a 9yr boy ... why did I do that ??? Anyway after the back and forth with the shoes, the clothes size, the FREAKING PRICE OF LEGOS !!! WTH are they gold ?!?! They sure don't feel like it when you step on them. Anyway, his list asked for a pair of shoes size 8 adult - I tried 8 kids first, looked way to small, then I went with the 8 adult, they look way to big - gift receipt enclosed. Also wanted dress pants/shirt - Wal-Mart had a 4 piece suit thing(pants, shirt, vest, tie) for $20 - gift receipt also enclosed. I found a super hero Lego overpriced thingy and a pretty cool remote control monster truck. I wanted to play with it

I encourage you all to pick Angels off your local tree at the mall, the few hours of joy/laughter you can bring into a home on Christmas morning are just priceless.

I miss my Nemo every single day. Every. Single. Day. He is the driving warmth in my chest, the tears on my cheek, the sigh from my lips, the very beat of my heart, the breath that fills my lungs, the thoughts on my mind, and fills my dreams night/day.

The silver lining in my loss is my ability to pay it forward. I am an LPN because of him. My empathy and sympathy come from a deep inner pool filled and nourished by him, and I am forever grateful of the gifts I was left with.


Dear Mr. Hallmark,
I am writing to you from heaven,
and though it must appear
A rather strange idea,
I see everything from here.
I just popped in to visit,
your stores to find a card
A card of love for my mother,
as this day for her is hard.
There must be some mistake I thought,
I saw every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card,
from a child who lives in heaven.
She is still a mother too,
no matter where I reside
I had to leave, she understands,
but oh the tears she's cried.
I thought that if I wrote you,
that you would come to know
That though I live in heaven now,
I still love my mother so.
She talks with me, and dreams with me;
we still share laughter too,
Memories are our way of speaking now,
would you see what you could do?
My mother carries me in her heart,
her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me,
sometimes far into the night
She plants flowers in my garden,
there my living memory dwells
She writes to other grieving parents,
trying to ease their pain as well.
So you see Mr. Hallmark,
though I no longer live on earth
I must find a way to remind her
of her wondrous worth.
She needs to be honored,
and remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do.
Thank you Mr. Hallmark,
I know you'll do your best
I have done all I can do;
to you I'll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her,
how much she means to me
Until I can do it for myself,
when she joins me in eternity.
By Jody Seilheime

I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18810 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: OK - Hot as hell here !!!!!!
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 12:36 AM, December 21st (Saturday)


Posts: 11742 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:24 AM, December 21st (Saturday)


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."

Posts: 37999 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 5:31 AM, December 21st (Saturday)


I do the same thing for my angel baby too. He would have been 12 this year.

Try and have a Merry Christmas, it's a really bitter sweet time of year.

"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1358 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 5:43 AM, December 21st (Saturday)


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 25 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 30
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2606 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, December 21st (Saturday)


I did the same for my stillborn son, he would be 23. It was important to me to buy for an angel just like him -a boy his age. I used t get an angel the same age as him, organizations stop the angels at age 18. Now I just pick up stuff for a 23yo guy and drop them off at a homeless shelter or a group that helps young men get back on their feet. I think I'll be doing this as long as I can celebrate the holidays.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5262 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, December 21st (Saturday)


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24595 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, December 21st (Saturday)

((((booger & angel Nemo))))

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25716 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, December 21st (Saturday)


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2256 | Registered: Feb 2010
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, December 21st (Saturday)

(((Booger bear)))

Thank you for posting your story. This year was a lot of firsts for me...first Mother's Day as a mom of 4 but only with 3, this Thanksgiving and Christmas would have been baby's firsts. I remember reading something along the lines of, "I don't need an angel on top of my tree because I have one looking down from Heaven on me." Putting up my kids' baby's first Xmas ornaments was difficult. Coupled with my youngest's first Xmas was 3 days after I confronted him. I've been trying to figure out how I want to remember my baby. I ran that 5k for the March of Dimes. I hate running so I don't think that will be my thing. I've looked at angel ornaments but I just haven't found the one that speaks to me. It's been a rough 2 years since you know what. And as I am sitting here racking my brain thinking about how I've wanted to come up with something like you have done I got an idea!! I can fake my way through crocheting but I really don't know how. My grandmother was awesome at it and she would send blankets, and purses, and ponchos when I was little. I think my New Year's resolution should be to learn how to crochet for real and start making baby hats and blankets. I know a lot of NICUs will take them for the babies. You've inspired me!!!

Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 3, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1727 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
booger bear
Member # 26584
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, December 21st (Saturday)

I'm so happy you found a way to pay it forward, china. I think the inspiration came from your angel, not me. You have that inner pool of strength also, listen to it, it's from Angel.

March of Dimes is what I do every year, as well. Everytime I pass one of those little incubators I put money in.

Nemo would be 10 on 3-23-14 ... this is the 10th angel I have done.

Thank you all.

I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18810 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: OK - Hot as hell here !!!!!!
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, December 21st (Saturday)


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7761 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, December 21st (Saturday)

(((BB & Nemo)))

You have such a caring heart. I'm sure those children are grateful and have huge smiles because of your kindness.

Posts: 35846 | Registered: Mar 2011
booger bear
Member # 26584
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, December 21st (Saturday)

This story makes me smile ... And goes along with what I try to do.

I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18810 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: OK - Hot as hell here !!!!!!
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, December 21st (Saturday)

((( bb & nemo )))

Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17810 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 12145
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, December 21st (Saturday)

((((BB)))) ((((Nemo))))


I ♥ my Husband!!!

Posts: 2287 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Our happy place
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, December 22nd (Sunday)


May you all receive extra special blessings and feel the warmth of your angels in your hearts this Christmas.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie

Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
booger bear
Member # 26584
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, December 22nd (Sunday)

Thank you ga that was very sweet.

I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18810 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: OK - Hot as hell here !!!!!!
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, December 22nd (Sunday)

That was lovely. Hugs to you all.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17488 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, December 23rd (Monday)

That is awesome, bb.

You've made that little guy with the big feet very happy!


Fidelity isn't a's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!

Posts: 21068 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, December 23rd (Monday)

Hugs to all of the parents thinking of their angels.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 23769
Default  Posted: 12:09 AM, December 26th (Thursday)


What a beautiful tribute to your Nemo.

Married 1998, 2 kids
D-day3/27/09,he left 5/23/09
WH wants to rebuild 3/21/10
He moved back in 9/25/10,
Dec, 2011-finally putting it all together, H had multiple affairs.
Possible porn addict for 15 yrs.
01/2014- in house separation

Posts: 3280 | Registered: Apr 2009
Topic Posts: 22