New Beginnings
User Topic: 2nd Christmas
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, December 21st (Saturday)

This is my second Christmas post Dday. Last year, I was a month out. I was cooking Christmas dinner and just sunk down to the floor and sobbed. The pain was unbearable. I don't remember much about that day, except crying. My family was here, and my body was here, but I was still in shock.

This year, is different. I still felt attached to him last year, this year, I feel single. I've gone to a couple holiday parties by myself and for the most part, had a good time. It has been hard at times, memories come up but they don't pack the punch they use too. Looking forward to creating new memories this year.

My son is coming home next Monday and I am looking forward to seeing him.

My divorce should be final next year, I will be graduating school in June. I feel like there are so many new beginnings opening up to me. So many possibilities.

In some ways, I am starting to see the affair as part of the plan that has brought me to today. Stronger, braver, more open and so very grateful. This past year has taught me so much, things I would not have learned without having this experience.

I think I am accepting who he is now. He's a very broken man and I am so grateful to be free of the lies and the deceit. I deserve a faithful love, a mature love, an honest love. He is not capable of that and I finally accept that.

People ask me what I want for Christmas - peace of mind, compassionate heart and deep joy. That is my wish for all of us.

I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 479 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
Member # 37991
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, December 21st (Saturday)


Sounds like you are doing really well ! Pat yourself on the back.

Hope you have a great Christmas, that's wonderful your son is coming home.

Thank you for this post, it made me feel hopeful and positive !! Merry Christmas

BSO, 53
exWSO, who cares
DD: 11/18/12
DD2: 11/21/12
Kicked him to the curb 11/21/12
I tramp a perpetual journey.
― Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

Posts: 118 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Red State SE US
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, December 21st (Saturday)

So good to read how well you are doing, Dawn.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, December 21st (Saturday)

You're rocking it, Dawn!

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9824 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, December 21st (Saturday)

Dawn, I'm exactly two years ahead of you in this process. I can so very much relate to your story of how that first Christmas felt! The out of body experience and just going through the motions.

In some ways, I am starting to see the affair as part of the plan that has brought me to today. Stronger, braver, more open and so very grateful. This past year has taught me so much, things I would not have learned without having this experience.

It is so much better now. I am so much better now. We are so much better now.

[This message edited by better4me at 7:38 PM, December 21st (Saturday)]

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52

Posts: 3209 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, December 22nd (Sunday)


It's my second Christmas as well.
I was faking a lot of it last year...telling myself how great everything was. This year, I believe it. Feels good, doesn't it?!

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4684 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, December 22nd (Sunday)

I hated the phrase that much of the healing would take time. I hated it because I wanted healing right then!

Time helps.

Wishing you the peace of mind and the glad heart that you desire. Happy Holidays, Dawn!

------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 350 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, December 22nd (Sunday)

That first Christmas was a bitch. I walked through it like a zombie, but pulled off one of the best turkey dinners ever, and am thankful for that because it was my mom's last, she passed away just before the next one in 2010.

Fast forward four years and I've moved a few more times, finally settled in my dream apartment in a mansion with twinkly lights around my mantel and a cheery fire log in the hearth.

Life is good!

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17493 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Member # 39451
Default  Posted: 4:55 AM, December 23rd (Monday)

Glad to hear your second year is a lot better, so we can have some hope, this is my first Christmas.
It is tough especially holiday season.
But I learn to appreciate so much what I had even in the failed marriage. Also accept the fact he is a broken man which I have to choose to live without, I do miss a lot of things we do as a family.

But I have to accept my choice and learn to be happy about it.

M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met many times with a Philippine girl found online (20 yrs younger)
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 177 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
New Member
Member # 37816
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, December 23rd (Monday)

It is my second Christmas as well. Last year I was in that zombie phase. This year is better but I still feel like I am going through the motions a little. I can relate to letting go of him and being better off without the lies. I know I am stronger.

BW 49
WS 50
Married 21 yrs.
2 yr LTA
Many other indiscretions
D-Day #1 9/14/12 D-Day #2 10/9/12
Gaslighting the whole time until final contact on 12/24/12
Tried R
Now trying D

"The grass is only greener where you water it."

Posts: 25 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: kabee
Topic Posts: 10