SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
General
User Topic: Having anxiety attack!
jstbreathe
Member
Member # 40829
Default  Posted: 3:40 AM, December 22nd (Sunday)

I can't sleep, just keep tossing with the feeling like I'm about to do something crazy, like sky dive or bungee jump. That weird, sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when you're on one of those rides that drops you several stories.
My DDay is Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I guess I'm having PTSD. Today is also the anniversary of my brother's death. Seems like even though I may not be thinking about it, my body is. Ugh! I just hope I can make it past this season.

[This message edited by jstbreathe at 4:23 AM, December 22nd (Sunday)]


The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool.
Stephen King
Me: BW
Him: WH
Married: 18 years
2 sons, 11&15
Trying to R

Posts: 152 | Registered: Sep 2013
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:53 AM, December 22nd (Sunday)

(((HUGS)))

Antiversaries can be very hard. Combine it with the death of a loved one and you're bound to have a hard time, my friend. Are you open to the idea of journaling/typing out all the thoughts in your head & heart? It helps to release your emotions & thoughts.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9714 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
jstbreathe
Member
Member # 40829
Default  Posted: 4:21 AM, December 22nd (Sunday)

Thanks, Nature_Girl. Coincidentally, I have just started journaling over the last few days. I'm trying to do anything I can just to keep myself contained in my own skin.


The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool.
Stephen King
Me: BW
Him: WH
Married: 18 years
2 sons, 11&15
Trying to R

Posts: 152 | Registered: Sep 2013
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:25 AM, December 22nd (Sunday)

I watched a lot of Netflix. Anything to get me a few hours past the worst of the panic & pressure.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9714 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
jstbreathe
Member
Member # 40829
Default  Posted: 4:34 AM, December 22nd (Sunday)

Me too! I'm running out of movies


The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool.
Stephen King
Me: BW
Him: WH
Married: 18 years
2 sons, 11&15
Trying to R

Posts: 152 | Registered: Sep 2013
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:45 AM, December 22nd (Sunday)

Are you doing anything differently this Christmas to help you establish new, positive associations with this holiday?

Are you doing anything in remembrance of your brother?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9714 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
jstbreathe
Member
Member # 40829
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, December 22nd (Sunday)

My brother died 19 years ago, so no one does too much anymore. Just a post on FB and flowers to my mom.

As for Christmas, we are going to eat out at a Japanese steak house, and then to the movies. We have family visiting but only 4 or 5 adults, so we don't need to do a big Christmas dinner. I can't bring myself to do all the cooking and baking. I was making a variety of cookies with my son last year, and that's when the text came through on WH's phone. He had accidentally left it on the counter where I was working and forgot to lock it. So it just lit up in front of me with "It's snowing!" And I just knew. He tried to deny it, and I let him pretty much until Christmas day celebrations were over. Then I confronted him again, and he finally admitted to a year long affair. They were leaving the next morning (12/26) for a 5 day trip to Geneva, Switzerland!

Sorry, I know this is more than you asked for. Just a bit of purging. Anyway, the answer to your question is yes, I did have to make some changes for the Holidays this year. I'm just trying to maintain some of the tradition for my younger son who loves Christmas. My older son thinks we should all skip it and just go to Fiji. I'm with him!

[This message edited by jstbreathe at 12:09 PM, December 22nd (Sunday)]


The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool.
Stephen King
Me: BW
Him: WH
Married: 18 years
2 sons, 11&15
Trying to R

Posts: 152 | Registered: Sep 2013
brkn_heartd
Member
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, December 22nd (Sunday)

I hope today is going better for you. It is hard to deal with grieving from the lost of a loved one and the A. The year of my husband's A, my Mother died. So it was my first holiday season without her, while he was having his A. We barely made it through Christmas. I think you are wise in changing some things this year and not worrying about cooking a big meal. My advice to those on their first Christmas after the A is to do what you can do. Do not over do...just make it through.

Take care of your self. Do something special for yourself. If it is soaking your feet in warm water, a extra long hot shower, or long soak in the tub, a glass (not bottle..lol) of wine, an indulgent dessert, etc. You get the point. Pamper yourself somehow. Talk to your partner if you are able.


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1618 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
jstbreathe
Member
Member # 40829
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, December 22nd (Sunday)

Thanks brkn_heartd. It's nice to hear from people who've made it past this and understand what I'm going through.

I told my husband what I was feeling, and he reminded my that I had also changed my thyroid meds, so that could be a factor too.

What I really find strange is that the person that caused me so much pain tends to be the person I seek comfort from. Gives a person very mixed emotions!


The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool.
Stephen King
Me: BW
Him: WH
Married: 18 years
2 sons, 11&15
Trying to R

Posts: 152 | Registered: Sep 2013
jstbreathe
Member
Member # 40829
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, December 22nd (Sunday)

brkn_heartd

So sorry for the loss of your mother. That must have been unbearable to deal with her passing and his betrayal. I hope you've found peace.


The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool.
Stephen King
Me: BW
Him: WH
Married: 18 years
2 sons, 11&15
Trying to R

Posts: 152 | Registered: Sep 2013
TheAgonyOfIt
Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, December 22nd (Sunday)

Hi jstbreathe,

What you said was something I experienced intensely also and yes, it was very confusing!

t

he person that caused me so much pain tends to be the person I seek comfort from



Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Now homeless but getting it together. Necessary but difficult(!) transition! Sad sad sad but hopeful.

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
jstbreathe
Member
Member # 40829
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, December 23rd (Monday)

Hi TheAgonyOfIt,

I never thought I could love and hate someone, and want to cling to him and run as far away as I can from him all at the same time. Talk about a roller coaster!


The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool.
Stephen King
Me: BW
Him: WH
Married: 18 years
2 sons, 11&15
Trying to R

Posts: 152 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 12