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Reconciliation
User Topic: It can happen!
TryingEveryday
New Member
Member # 39429
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, December 24th (Tuesday)

Today is the antiversary of Dday. Prepared to have it suck!

But . . .

We woke up in a great place.

We made love.

She said to me: "You are my world. You are my best friend. I can't ever live without you."

And I know she means it. She has been saying so for a year now, through good days and bad, through all the tears and remorse and guilt and shit.

True R can happen.

It did here.

If you're struggling - hold on.

Merry Christmas all.


Me - BS - 46
Her - WW - 38 (2 ONS)
Five kids:
DD20, DD18, DD17, DS16, DS16
D Day - Dec 24, 2012 -
R - 12 months and going extremely well.

Posts: 36 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Montana
AFrayedKnot
Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, December 24th (Tuesday)

thank you for the hope


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2527 | Registered: Aug 2012
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, December 24th (Tuesday)

Your post made me smile!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4586 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
BrokenMomof2
Member
Member # 41219
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, December 24th (Tuesday)

I needed to read this tonight. Thank you


Me: BS, 30
Him: WH, 31, 1 month EA & PA
Married 9 years
Kids: 2 perfect boys
D-day: Nov 3, 2013
Working on R

Posts: 86 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: ND
iwillNOT
Member
Member # 40605
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, December 24th (Tuesday)

Merry Christmas

Thanks for the present( your positive post).


Me: BS, 43
Him: WH, 44
Together 21 years
Married 14 years
Kiddos 2,6,8,10
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Rugsweep now, pay later. Ask me how I know.

Posts: 470 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
ziganska
Member
Member # 41690
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, December 24th (Tuesday)

TryingEveryDay,

So happy to read something like this! We all need hope.

Can you tell us what has worked for you to get to this point?


Me: 42
Him: 49
DD: 12/2/2013
Married: 9 years but together for 15
Recovering, Reconciling, Rebuilding, Restoring

Posts: 123 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: New York
TryingEveryday
New Member
Member # 39429
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

The main thing is that my wife, from day one, was totally committed to the R. She knew that her cheating was a move of desperation and from the moment we started to fix things, she was 100% in. I honestly don't know how people who are dealing with spouses who are only partly committed survive or succeed and my heart goes out to them. In our case, my wife's depression had her perception totally screwed up, and I didn't help with my inability to really convey how I felt. We've fixed those things, over time.

So, it isn't some secret formula, but if the wandering spouse has the ability to recommit, and shows true remorse and desire to repair, it can be done.

One thing I have to say, though, is that my wife had two ONSs. Hurtful of course. Devastating. But for her, they were a means to an end. She had decided she needed out of our marriage and she was too chicken to do it any other way. She knew I would find out and chose that way of ending things. She didn't think there was any way I'd stay. She was wrong. But, the two other people involved are in no way involved in our life. They both live far, far away and there is zero contact with them. Zero. My wife hates the thought of them, and never, ever wanted any sort of relationship with either. Again, they were a means to an end. So what I'm saying is we didn't have that aspect to deal with either. Makes it much easier. I honestly don't know if I could deal with a LTA. Or an EA. Not sure I'd be strong enough.

The moment my wife came out of the fog and realized she needed to fix her depression and also realized that my love for her was profound (instead of nonexistent like she thought and I apparently conveyed), we were on the right track.

It's taken a year, and I've had all of the mind movies, depression, grief, anger, etc., and I'm sure there will be more, but we now know we are truly in this life together, and forever, and that we are best friends.

It's a good place to be, but with a terrible way of getting there.

I wish you all luck and strength and healing.

Thank you SI, for all that you did for me. I don't really think I'll be back for awhile, as I feel the need to move on and live this life with my soulmate. But as I said in my first post - it can be done!


Me - BS - 46
Her - WW - 38 (2 ONS)
Five kids:
DD20, DD18, DD17, DS16, DS16
D Day - Dec 24, 2012 -
R - 12 months and going extremely well.

Posts: 36 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Montana
Kap12
Member
Member # 41759
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Thank you for this!! I really needed to read this.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Dec 2013
Yakamishi
Member
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Needed that.


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 211 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
dmg35
New Member
Member # 41552
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Thank you for the hope.... much needed at this time in my R.

Posts: 34 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: north east
lostcovenants
Member
Member # 40637
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

Yes, thank you for sharing that your R is going well. We have MC today and my stomach is in knots.

Wishing us all more love and happiness in our lives.


BS 60; fWH 59; 2 children, 1 grandchild; Married 37+ years, he is my only; D-day 7/8/13; Married OW, PA 2009-2011; sexting with same MOW 2012-2013. Broke it off about a week before I found out.

Update-Sexting on cheating forums 14 YEARS. Idiot me


Posts: 139 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
siriannic
New Member
Member # 41403
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, December 26th (Thursday)

TryingEveryday:

Thank you for posting this. Your situation mirrors mine in many ways and it is nice to hear that couple have made it.

My wife had a three week affair, which resulted in a intercourse once. She immediately ended it when I found out, there was no emotional attachment and zero contact. We found out after the fact that she was suffering from post-partum depression, after having our twins, which she has addressed with psychiatrists, psychotherapists and drugs.

My wife is back - I didn't realize that she left. Not an excuse, but mental health issues are responsible for strange things.

I agree with your comment about not being able to deal with an emotional affair or a long term one. I too, don't know if I would have found the strength, kids or no kids.

For anyone else out there, I am about four months out from full disclosure and we are doing well. I am doing as best as possible I would imagine, still fighting mind movies, still have questions, but by the end of the day I know that we will find a way to work things out. We are approaching this as something we need to overcome - not my wife's problem or mine.

I don't think think that I can place myself in the 'I'm over it', or 'I survived' category yet, but I do know that I will be there at some point, with my wife, and family in tact. But that is only because my wife has been doing all of the right things to correct her moment of 'madness'.

Again thanks for providing a story that I can relate to and others can turn to for inspiration.


Staying as positive as possible.

Posts: 11 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
Trying2Survive1
Member
Member # 40022
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, December 26th (Thursday)

Awesome! Thank you for the encouragement!


Madhatters, M 31 yrs
FWW/BS 57-BS/FWH 56
Separated 5 mos in 07.His DDay,11/07.False R since 07. My DDay,7/5/13."Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 13