New Beginnings
User Topic: Still Hurting...
Member # 29916
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, December 24th (Tuesday)

Just looking to vent tonight I think. So 4 years ago Thanksgiving my exh moved out. Holidays are always hard. But I felt like the last 2 years I was doing a bit better, starting my own traditions etc. This year my exh and affair partner bought a house together less than 3 miles from me, just closed a week ago and I think it's making me extra blah. But tonight,i was celebrating whats become one of my new traditions, a candlelit Christmas Eve dinner w/ my son. And I was feeling good thinking what great memories he'll have for years to come. And then he says to me " this is a nice feast mommy. But grandmas ( exmil) are way better!" I agree with him that she is a good cook. And he says "no not that mommy, but I eat with my cousins, and my daddy, and his girlfriend, and my sort of brother (Ap's son) and we all sit around a big table and its waaaaay better than this."
And there went the last of my Christmas spirit. And I know I'm being childish and need to let it go but I'm just sad right now. I never "fully" get my child. Ever. I feel like he will never have a memory where he isn't missing the parent who's not there.

Posts: 421 | Registered: Oct 2010
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, December 24th (Tuesday)


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 640 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Member # 41608
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, December 24th (Tuesday)

(((survivor6))) I'm so sorry! I know that hurt and I understand why. As your DS grows, you will make plenty of memories with him that he will keep with him for a lifetime. It's going to get better.

Married 13 years
DD #1 03/12
DD #2 11/20/13
Status: Separated and planning D

Nowhere left to go but up!

Posts: 108 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 29916
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, December 24th (Tuesday)

Thanks for the feedback. I keep trying to remind myself that he will be healthier bc his dad is involved in his life. But when we separated 3 years ago I never anticipated how much the constant idolization, comparing, anecdotes pertaining to his dad would be part of the deal. My son was 2 so he has no knowledge that his dad did anything wrong. It is very hard to heal and move forward when you have to hear how awesome your cheating ex spouse is all the time.

Posts: 421 | Registered: Oct 2010
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, December 24th (Tuesday)

(((((survivor6))))) You're not being childish, honey. It sounds like that comment cut to the core, although I'm sure your son didn't mean it to.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 11:17 PM, December 24th (Tuesday)

. It is very hard to heal and move forward when you have to hear how awesome your cheating ex spouse is all the time.

Yep I get this ALL the time. Last month my son even asked if I loved ex's gf! I didn't even know he had one... Now I'm hearing about sleep overs at her house & how great she is, and how much better her house/yard/Xbox/fill in the blank is. I just smile and say "that's nice".
I started keeping a stash of fancy chocolates and he says her name three times I treat myself to a piece!

But, in fairness, he will also say the praise me. its just hard not to put more weight on his praise about my ex (since i know the truth: ex is a master manipulator, NPD, cheating a$$48&)
Bottom line : I take one for the team and realize my son is happy. But it also helps to vent here or text a gf to vent:)

Posts: 500 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 29916
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, December 24th (Tuesday)

Thank you phoenixrisen that was SO helpful to hear!!

Posts: 421 | Registered: Oct 2010
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 5:07 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)

(((Survivor))) I can only imagine how much that hurt! I'm so sorry!

I am sure though that someday he will fondly look back at your many candlelit dinners together.

Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 8