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User Topic: Christmas morning
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)

So it's 8:30 a.m. in Boston.Most little ones have ripped through what Santa has brought.

How are we holding up SI peeps?

Did Santa do well for the kids? Any tantrums yet

I am 2 hours into my 16 hour shift....Going to start season 1 of Boston Legal. Should get me through the day.

Merry Christmas!!!


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Catwoman
Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Boston area here, also.

Kids came home late last night from their dad's. We did gifts last night and this morning we are going to go see "Saving Mr. Banks" before we come home and make dinner: Turkey breast, mashed potatoes, asparagus and rolls. GDM will be up for dinner, hopefully with his new rescue dog--a beautiful young Chesapeake Bay Retriever.

Life is good here. Simple, but good.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29663 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Love the movies on Christmas Cat!

Have a wonderful day!!


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Merry Christmas from Missouri!

Slept good.....waiting to open presents.....peaceful start.

So much improved over last year.

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 8:29 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3975 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Was up at 4, wondering where I'll be a year from now. What is really going through hubby's mind. Is he here because of the kids and 25 years together or does he really love me.
I told him yesterday I trusted him but that nothing would surprise me. He said I really don't trust him then. Such is the life of being a MH!
But really, I feel pretty good now, I went back to bed and gotta couple more hours....
Merry Christmas!!


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.


Posts: 5262 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
cantaccept
Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Merry Christmas!

It feels very ???

No words to describe it.

Hope it is peaceful for all.

Can


"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divor


Posts: 1421 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
stunnedin12
Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Merry Christmas, All.

Pretty odd here - we were with our sons for Christmas in a different state. ANYWAY - after the elephant in the room a couple of days ago, wh really stepped up to the plate. He was attentive, he was supportive, he was communicative - he tried. All-in-all a good couple of days.

He left on an earlier flight today and so now it is just the children and I. I'm 100% ok with being here with my children and him not. I'm not sure what that means but I'm not going to think too deeply on it today. Wh said this morning that while it was a different Christmas, he hoped it was a good one for me.

OH -- remember the Christmas gift thread .... I received the 2 gift certificates and the earrings ... he gets to keep his b*lls.

Thankfully, my children saw a Dad really honoring, caring for, and respecting their Mama this year as opposed to last year. For that, I'm thankful.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 476 | Registered: Jan 2013
lordhasaplan?
Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Hello SI family,
Yes. Normal.
Peace, family, love.
Never thought I would feel it again.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1908 | Registered: Nov 2010
StillGoing
Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Doing pretty good despite the Ringling Barfers and Barfings & Barfies circus events of the night before. Minimal whining and arguing, everyone excited about something. g_r in the bath relaxing, kids hyperfocused on some kind of toy and the Wii-U is updating itself and talking to various devices in a way that makes me want to go buy a gun and prepare for the end. Nice morning all told.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7477 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Mack9512
Member
Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Excellent Christmas so far. Laughing at the unexpected comments from DD8...her most recent, "Is that a rabbit in my hand?" (I honestly don't want to know! )

My FWH put his all into making this a great day and he succeeded. The only thing that I would change is our DD's 5:15 a.m. wake up call. I already need a nap.

Happy Holidays my friends.

Peace and love,
Mack


"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 407 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
Hatemyhusband
Member
Member # 41633
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Guess I'm in the toughest shape out of us all

Kids up at 6. Happy as can be. Brother in law napping on couch. I'm upstairs crying. Wh checking on me. I told him "this time last yr u were texting her merry Xmas and prob arranging to meet her". He just said "it's over and I love u in sorry"
Doesn't mean it didn't happen.

I really hate this. I'm three weeks out and MC starts in week. Took him to my IC bc I was ready to jump shop and he wanted to come and see if she could slow me down.

He wants to R but how do I know it's for the right reasons? And shouldn't he get to be with a woman he enjoyed so much. The seedy motels, the perverted texts. That's not me

I'm just prayin to make it try today and get brother in law out of here. Kids are used to me locked in room. Others aren't


My heart an soul hurts. Raw


Posts: 352 | Registered: Dec 2013
jjsr
Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)

We are 2+ yrs out. The kids are grown and gone and 1400 miles away. FWH and I didn't exchange gifts, which we agreed upon as we are trying to pay down debt. We don't put up a tree or anything anymore as like I said the kids are gone. If we were closer to them, geographically, then we would. So for us now its just another day.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Wii-U is updating itself and talking to various devices in a way that makes me want to go buy a gun and prepare for the end.



DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17493 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

(((Hatemyhusband)))

Three weeks, it isn't enough time for you to be standing on your own, let alone be in good enough shape to carry on Christmas with a smile.

Take it easy on you. One hour at a time. Slow and easy. Hang out with the kids. Maybe watch a new movie with them, something that encourages quiet


Relax as best you can and only do what you are up to.

No reason you cannot tell your in-law you have a migrane and are going to get some sleep...

(((hugs)))

You can do this !!


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Southern CA check-in. I''m sitting here on the computer checking in with y-all. FWH is making breakfast for us and we''re listening to Pandora internet radio. Earlier I woke up, hid his gift on his computer, and came downstairs to a love note placed on my tray. I already had my "gift" from him, but he said that he couldn''t stand me coming downstairs without something, and he figured I didn''t need more dust catchers, and he was right! He opened his gift, which was a book he wanted, started leafing though it, and found all of the love coupons I hid in it.

It''s shaping up to be a beautiful day. I would not have believed it, a few months ago. I am, quite simply, happy.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4926 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
5674emt
Member
Member # 40012
Cool  Posted: 12:38 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

My FWH is a Paramedic and working today, so we celebrated at my Mom and Bonus Dad's yesterday. This morning FWH went into work, but he has been able to come by and start a fire in the fireplace(even in FL there was a seasonal chill in the air), while watching the 2 DDs open special Santa gifts.

DDay was a year ago and we are healing. FWH is making great effort to help me past the triggers, prove his devotion to Our Family and make a new and better M.

We are feeling the blessings of the Christmas season.


BS 53
WH 44
M 14 years at time of DD
2 young daughters
DD 12-8-12
OW=Xfriend
A-3 YEARS and her husband was an accomplice.
In R, IC, & MC Since 1 week after DD. On the mend with the help of God, Friends and Family.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Central FL
devasted30
Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Hello from Toronto, Canada. It is very cold here outside, but lots of love and warmth inside. My WS is very attentive and showing all kinds of love and support. He wasn't here last year and can't believe that I let him come home. He is so grateful and it shows. I too, can't believe that I'm not triggering all over the place - I guess it just shows how much we can grow and change if we really want it bad enough. Merry Christmas all - hang in there hatemyhusband - it's still so very new to you. You will get through this and you will thrive. I know it doesn't seem it, but you will. God be with each and every one of you.
Thanks for your support over the last few months. You are irreplaceable - all of you.


And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1320 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
KatyDo
Member
Member # 41245
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Glad to have this group to come to when I need it. Thankful for that - it says something that I feel compelled to come here on Christmas Day. The different online support groups I belong to really fill a need for me and for that I am very grateful.

Better Christmas than past years - we are caregivers and working more as partners. WH continues to demonstrate different, positive behaviour, but not without setbacks. I try to be strong, and also try to live with the consequences of my choice to stay - that I'll never know if he could do that again, and that he is still working with his IC on the issues that made him be this way in the first place.

We are on a budget, so small gifts this year - but at least we are working together financially. Wishing everyone the best that is possible, and for peace.


Married 7 years, together for 14
Me: BS Him: chronic boundary issues, EA for 2 years, DD Spring 2013

Posts: 194 | Registered: Nov 2013
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Update......

Exhaustion enters again.....feelings pushing and pulling me. Urging me to retreat.........took a short nap. Reminding myself my wife is NOT as she was a year ago....

Still......fear and pain are a part of me.

Nice to have SI....nice to offer support and receive it too !

Sitting with my feelings.....much improved ability to do this now than a year ago.

God is with us all.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3975 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
musiclovingmom
Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

We've had a good day. Gifts with the kids this morning and the chaos that is little ones amid a sea of new toys. My SIL came over since her kids are at their dad's. We had fresh biscuits and sausage gravy for breakfast and snacked around this afternoon. Watched a movie with the boys while my daughter went to her dad's to open gifts there. As soon as she gets back (any minute now), we're having a bacon-wrapped maple pork roast, pomme fondant (cut into Christmas trees) and ginger glazed carrots. Then most likely another movie as a whole family. This is the first Christmas we've done everything from presents to dinner at our home and I was worried it would be hard without the constant distraction of family, but it has actually been really wonderful.

Posts: 1108 | Registered: Jan 2013
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

error

[This message edited by karmahappens at 6:38 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)]


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Sammy2013
Member
Member # 41040
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

This has been a tough Christmas being the first. I triggered pretty bad yesterday. Found a receipt for my daughters field trip for last month. But it was dated 9/19. That was the date they slept together for the first time. There I was just living life normally and he was sleeping with someone else. I immediately remember the fight he picked with me that day (he was out of town) over Facebook IM. So I spent Christmas Eve crying. This morning was good though. Kids got up early, etc. WH and I made love while kids were busy with new toys. But I had to utilize coping skills due to mental movies. Something I thought I had kicked. I think it was due to the trigger yesterday. Then something kept creeping into my head. WH was on Instagram and was looking at pics of his friend and friends wife. She is attractive and had a semi sexy pic up. He made a comment that "oh, I haven't seen that one before!" And then hearted it or whatever. At the time I just said "What?!" He asked if it was ok because it was buddies wife. I just said yeah because I was so programmed to be ok with that. But the more it thought about it the more hurt I got. So I told him it was inappropriate for him to say what he did and to like that pic. He scoffed a bit and I just said "I don't like it, it made me uncomfortable, and you need to unlike it and think before you speak next time." Then walked out. So I was pissy for a few hours. By that time company arrived and I let it go. I will admit to still having a bee in my bonnet about it.

Add that to worrying about whether he's thinking about OW, if she's having a nice Christmas, if he feels like he's only here for the kids. Yeah, this has been a rough Christmas.


WH -37; BS (me) 38
Married 12 years, 3 kiddos
First DDay 9/13. 3 more since then (trickle truth sucks). 6 years of Prostitutes, 2 affairs in 2013, SA diagnosis now with 1 relapse so far (massage parlor with happy ending 2/14).
Waiting, observing,

Posts: 210 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southeast United States
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

(((Sammy)))

The first one is the worst, but you made it through.

One day at a time. It's really all you can do to start. Hopefully your WS will continue to support your efforts to heal.

Merry Christmas. Here's to a happier 2014 and continued healing.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

YAY my 16 hour shift is winding down.

Thanks to everyone for sharing your Christmas!

I am so thankful for you all.

Here's to hoping 2014 is better, happier and healthier than ever.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
somanyyears
Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)


..
Here's to hoping 2014 is better, happier and healthier than ever.

..ditto

..good riddance to 2013... it sucked

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
brkn_heartd
Member
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Four years later, and this Christmas has been our best one since then. First, the Christmas after his Dday was also my first Christmas after my Mother died. So I was dealing with 2 doses of grief.

This year, one of our son's and his family made it in to visit. Our daughter made it over. While they couldn't stay long (squeezing in two families, lots of miles in a few short days) it was so nice to have them. It was so nice to have stockings full, a tree full and cooking for everyone. It was a wonderful day to spend with family. My husband helped, was actively involved and even did the dishes after dinner!

It has been the least painful in the last 4 years. I still miss my Mom, but her sweet memories were with me today. It does get better.


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Merry Christmas from my parents' home in Toronto! I am late to the party but had to write this special group bc you have made such an impact in my life this year.

Our boys woke us just after 8am. They were just so purely happy! My oldest won't believe much longer so I made sure to look at him a lot today. There was church too with beautiful music and thenMom's family came over. Lots of laughs, the odd family gripe and plenty of turkey!

I prayed for all of you my Surv Infid friends. What a tremendous support you have been. I pray as the year ends and another begins we find more happiness within. I didn't mean to rhyme that.

Gave my H a card acknowleding this new wonderful self he is working on. He got choked up. I know he is grateful to be here w my crazy family.
His card to me ended w "in you I have found my greatest blessing". Oh! I also got diamond earrings!

Karma after a 16 hour shift I hope you are enjoying some down time. Thank you so much for your encouragment this year.

Peace to you all
LA


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2444 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Merry Christmas from my parents' home in Toronto! I am late to the party but had to write this special group bc you have made such an impact in my life this year.

Our boys woke us just after 8am. They were just so purely happy! My oldest won't believe much longer so I made sure to look at him a lot today. There was church too with beautiful music and thenMom's family came over. Lots of laughs, the odd family gripe and plenty of turkey!

I prayed for all of you my Surv Infid friends. What a tremendous support you have been. I pray as the year ends and another begins we find more happiness within. I didn't mean to rhyme that.

Gave my H a card acknowleding this new wonderful self he is working on. He got choked up. I know he is grateful to be here w my crazy family.
His card to me ended w "in you I have found my greatest blessing". Oh! I also got diamond earrings!

Karma after a 16 hour shift I hope you are enjoying some down time. Thank you so much for your encouragment this year.

Peace to you all
LA


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2444 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
AML04
Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Merry Christmas to all!!

I'm finally in bed after a very long day. First Christmas since dday, almost 7 mos ago. The day went very well for the most part. So fun to watch DS open presents this year as he's starting to get it. Had a lovely day with the in-laws but a bit of outside family stuff brought it down. In-laws offered to keep DS for the night and I was so tired I agreed. Now I'm missing him terribly.

Then we went to a friend's open house and my mood took a dive. First a really bad trigger song came on, then I noticed WH was getting very tipsy (I get uncomfortable around him when he's drinking and I'm not), then two friends who know about the A tried to talk me into doing some activities on NYE. I told them I wouldn't be up for it bc that's the day WH and OW first had sex. Basically they tried to convince me not to "wallow". This is when I realized I have NOBODY in my life who truly gets what I'm going through. I feel so alone.

[This message edited by AML04 at 10:09 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)]


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
morethantrying
Member
Member # 40547
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

you are NOT alone.....you DO have folks that really know...first hand, what you are going through...us here at SI...for me I would like you to know that I am really really here for you and DO understand...some life....but we hang on don't we...it will be okay...it will be okay....love to you and understanding across the miles.

[This message edited by morethantrying at 11:09 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)]


Affairs - hard on us both - but love will win.
Me: BS 55
Him: WS 62
Married 32 yrs.
dday TT from 12/2012-2/2013)...

Posts: 305 | Registered: Sep 2013
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 5:36 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

This is when I realized I have NOBODY in my life who truly gets what I'm going through. I feel so alone.

I get it AML and so do many others. Lean on us.

LA, glad you checked in, glad all went well. Here's to a kick-ass 2014!

..good riddance to 2013... it sucked
I have had these years smy, 2014 is coming and it will get better!



“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
catlover50
Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 5:43 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

We had a great day karma. It really highlighted how much H has changed. Since he was always so selfish in the past he was never good at gifts, and most holiday preparations fell on me.

This year he knocked it out of the park. So many thoughtful, useful, fun, sexy gifts. He has taken to making notes when I mention things I need, so I have to be careful! The cutuest thing was that we both got each other a photo from one of our triathlons--the same one, where we were together at the finish. He was a big help all day with cooking, cleaning, playing with the kids (yes they're adult--new Xbox), but still requested time out to take a candlelit bath with me.

Great day.

Happy New Year to all!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1748 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 5:51 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

YAY Cat!

Since he was always so selfish in the past he was never good at gifts, and most holiday preparations fell on me.

This was us in the past too ^^ all on my lap. H does so much now "with" me. I forget how I used to run around crazy at the holidays, I don't know how people do it all alone, and I don't know why it was ok for me to always make things perfect for everyone else.

It's time we make things perfect for us, long over-due and so welcomed!

I can't believe it took an A for us to get here, it seems so obvious now, making the right choices,, doing what's good for us as a team and family. How could we have been so blind before? Still amazes me. My life is the easiest (emotionally) it has ever been.The struggles you come across in life are handled differently, from an emotionally healthy place and it just makes it easier to cope with.

Who woulda thought....

Happy New Year Cat!


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 5:56 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

(((aML04)))

I am sorry that you feel so alone . Trauma from adultery simply can't be understood by those who have never experienced it.

I am at my sister-in -laws house over Christmas. Her husbands advice to me...,"you just gotta love her. You have two young daughters."

Ignorance......I am do grateful he is ignorant to this. He cares and is doing what he can to be supportive....so are your friends. I know you know that. I also know it doesn't help ease the pain. It's almost like a child telling you " it's okay, you can find another house to live in" after your home burns down. There is some truth in that.....but that doesn't change the fact that you lost pictures that can't be replaced, have to decide if you will rebuild in same neighborhood, deal with insurance, find temporary lodging, etc....

I am blessed to have a real life friend (lives two states away) that I can call anytime. He is ignorant to adultery too.... But he loves me and comforts me as best he can. Honestly, even our fWS are a little ignorant to the pain they caused......so even when another couple experiences adultery.....only one can really relate to us.

Still.....SI is a uniquely valuable resource.

Post often....we got your back.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3975 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
SadFlower
Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

Merry Christmas to you all--on this second of the Twelve Days. Hugs to all those who are having a hard time, and cheers for those who are doing well.

I don't trigger much anymore, but this past weekend I was really down. My FWH has been wonderful, which is almost part of the problem--I feel such outpourings of love for him, but then sometimes I look at him and think, how could this wonderful man have done such a reprehensible thing? And for so long? Who is he, anyway? I just wanted to go away by myself and spend Christmas alone. But my step-daughter (SD) was set to arrive Monday, and my younger daughter, husband, and son on Thursday (today!). So I just had to soldier on.

We went to church Christmas Eve for lessons and carols--a lovely service, and it helped make me feel some of the spirit of Christmas. The sermon really hit home, too, and I found myself holding back tears. SD sat between FWH and me, and I kept trying (unsuccessfully) to catch his eye to see if he was feeling it, too. (None of our daughters know what we've been going through.)

I got up early on Christmas morning and sat alone with the presents and the twinkling tree, just sipping coffee and contemplating. I made some cranberry muffins for breakfast. Then FWH and SD got up, we had breakfast and opened presents, and the joy began to return. Big time! It wasn't just the presents (which were beautiful, and well-chosen), but much more the feeling as we chatted and exclaimed over the gifts and talked about all kinds of things. The cold that I had been feeling just melted away in the warmth of the moment.

And this morning I am once again up early, sipping my coffee, looking at the twinkling tree, and thinking about the day with enthusiasm. I can see that the weekend was one of those plunges down the roller coaster, but now I'm back up.

Merry Christmas!


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 408 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

blakesteele- that is so true about the ignorant friends - and that we're glad they're ignorant. I guess we should be glad we're loved, even if they don't understand the pain...


Hubby spoiled me with gifts - and me him. We had good days together with the kids. I feel something is missing though - some sort of disconnection with hubby. I asked him about it a couple times but he says he's alright. Will talk about it in MC?

I feel like I'm living a "less than" life. Not exactly sure why but I suppose it's that neither of us are in with both feet.

I'm sure I'm overanalyzing this but hubby got me loads of candy. He says he wants to fatten me up. He knows being fit is very important to me. Why would he do this? I'll give it all away.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.


Posts: 5262 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
AML04
Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

It is helpful to read how many had good Christmases, makes me hopeful. Thank you! This place also makes me feel less alone :)

[This message edited by AML04 at 7:37 AM, December 26th (Thursday)]


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Topic Posts: 37