Topic: The disgrace of being married to a womanizer
Member # 41245
| Posted: 3:41 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)|
Isn't it awful - though I love my husband dearly, and am committed to the marriage, I find myself feeling ashamed of his behaviour and of the reputation he has garnered for himself (not just in my eyes) as a serial womanizer. I just can't believe it's what I have to deal with. I know he made a big commitment to change, but sometimes I just feel like such a fool for staying with someone whom I know is capable of these kinds of behaviours, and could well be doing them again and I would never know. Just him being a bit "too" friendly, crossing lines that are not physical or romantic, but in that way that communicates intimacy, and crosses our boundaries as a couple. Needed to vent - emotions run high on this kind of day. So glad to be able to come here to share - hopefully someone else has some advice for me.
Married 7 years, together for 14
Me: BS Him: chronic boundary issues, EA for 2 years, DD Spring 2013
Posts: 190 | Registered: Nov 2013
Member # 38562
| Posted: 3:46 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)|
Yes, it's humiliating. You have been heard and understood. The question pierces.
I want to say we should stop allowing ourselves to be treated like that - just stop it immediately and forever more, all of us, never put up with that sort of disrespect - but if it were easy we would have done it already.
It is the gut-wrenching, down-to-your-soul honesty that helps so much. ~paraphrased from CancunCrushed
"I edit, therefore I am." -BionicGal
Posts: 263 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 41764
| Posted: 5:25 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)|
I can fully relate. I am still trying to decide if I want to R. I can't believe how many women my H crossed the line with. Believe me he slept with MANY... But was inappropriate with so many more. I am so humiliated. We live in a small town, I wouldn't even go to the grocery store there anymore because I would ALWAYS run into one of them, or see one of them. After everything came to light I found out that some of my friends never came to visit me at home because he made them feel uncomfortable. How did I not know?! I knew he was flirty and thought it was all just joking around... So stupid
Me: BS, 30
Him: WS, 30
D-Day: April 2013 (about 5 years of cheating with multiple OW)
Going through divorce.
Posts: 26 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 40139
| Posted: 6:07 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)|
Yes, completely. My H flirted seriously with women everywhere from the bank to the coffee drive-thru to church. Before the A I tried to laugh it off. Since the A I am mortified. We moved. It helped immensely.
Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.
Posts: 805 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 21964
| Posted: 8:33 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)|
I was mortified when I found out that my xWH was never ever ever NOT fucking other women. Never. Not while we were dating, and certainly not while we were married.
And then it all came out. And everyone sided with me (except his whore, his family, and the other cheating asshats that he associated with). All his friends? My friends now. All his colleagues? My colleagues now, and rooting for me.
Don''t be embarrassed. He did this, not you. All you did was be loyal, loving and kind. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of.
"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand
Posts: 3045 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Member # 41685
| Posted: 12:19 PM, December 26th (Thursday)|
Yep, I also have the flirty, inappropriate one.so humiliating. Do others feel sorry for me when he does this? Can't stand the thought of people feeling pity for me. He often asks, as we are attempting R, if this or that was wrong or inappropriate. Makes me angry, why should I have to tell a 56 yr old man what is proper behavior? Why am I the behavior police? And I wonder what goes on when I'm not around, oh to be a fly on the wall! I guess if you've always behaved this way, you just don't know any other way.
Posts: 61 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Ohio
Member # 41685
| Posted: 12:24 PM, December 26th (Thursday)|
Someone once said that flirting is what single people do to show they're availability. I liken it to throwing out a fishing line to see if you get a bite. And if you do.....it's on!
Posts: 61 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Ohio
Member # 40699
| Posted: 1:07 PM, December 26th (Thursday)|
My WH has never flirted in front of me so I fortunately don't have to deal with that embarrassment. However, when his friend's list was full of women on facebook and he was following webcam models for all the world to see I was humiliated. His three older children are his friends too for goodness sake's! They could easily see all that and I always thought....I wonder what that says about me and our marriage? So disrespectful.
He is generally a covert flirt. He can be very charming and play a KISA but always behind closed doors. In front of me it was always business but when alone even through e-mail it was all jokes, winks, teasing, you can talk to me about anything, and sexual innuendos. I can't even imagine how he is in person behind my back! Eek!
Oh new info he gave me the other day....he joked on the way down to Ft. Worth with a female co-worker "what happens in Ft. Worth, stays in Ft. Worth" but assures me nothing happened. Sheesh...why say something like that?
Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."
Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Member # 10
| Posted: 1:56 PM, December 26th (Thursday)|
Please remember to follow the guidelines when posting.
There is to be no venting about or name calling the OP in this forum
Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
|Topic Posts: 9|| |