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Reconciliation
User Topic: Need advice please
HurtinginSoCal
New Member
Member # 41492
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

So DDay was 6 weeks ago today. The OW works for him. Friday is her last day. I hate that she hasn't been gone sooner, but she's been calling the shots, or the tail wagging the dog, as my father-in-law puts it. She signed paperwork drawn up by the lawyer to protect the business and accepted the hefty severance pay she demanded, at my family's (no, not the business's) expense. They only saw each other twice since DDay and that was before MC mentioned NC. Since then, WH was off work for a week, then brother-in-law and father-in-law worked out opposite shifts for WH and OW. So he has had no other contact other than those two times and some 100% work emails in the first 2-3 weeks. Nothing since as he did almost lose me about that time due to not being completely transparent. So here we are…WH is off work until after 1st of year. Her last day is Friday. Other than WH telling his parents and brother-in-law that he wants no contact with her and his not being there, there's been no expression of NC from him to her. It's 6 weeks later…should I have him write her one now expressing things to her he's told me? He's told me it was a stupid, selfish mistake. He never wants to see her the rest of his life and he wished he never even met her. He says he's going to spend the rest of his life proving to me he truly loves me, that I'll be able to trust him again, and being the husband I deserve.


Me- BW 43
Him- WH 43
Married 18 years, 3 kids
DDay - 11/13/13, eve of our oldest daughter's 16th bday

Posts: 49 | Registered: Nov 2013
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Frankly, no. NC is best. Don''t poke the Drama Lama, just let her ooze off into the sunset.

Now, if she tries to come back and start drama, contact your WH, or violate the terms that the lawyer set forth, then have that lawyer draw up an official NC letter. But right now, focus on your family. If you really, really need to see that letter, have your WH write it out, give it to you, and then the two of you burn it. But her being out of your lives was the immediate goal so please, don''t jeopardize that. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4915 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

She has her paperwork in place, money she doesn't deserve coming her way and her last day is Friday. I wouldn't have him send anything at this point.

It might piss her off and she could change her mind and still get an atty for the loss of her job.

JMO, but I would let her slink off and never say another word to her.

I hope he is getting into IC and you as well. This is one hell of a roller-coaster and you may need help navigating.

When the two of you have healed you can decide what you want. It's so early now to really know.

Take time and be good to you. Come here when you need to vent or you need some direction.

You will get through this.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3844 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Virginiagirl
Member
Member # 41656
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

I agree. Verify as much as you can that he's staying away from her, and if you have reason to believe he won't maintain NC on his own, make him put it in writing.


Me- BS-43
Him-WS-42
Married 15 years, living together 20
DDay May 2013
TT ongoing
2 kids, 10 & 15
OW- old girlfriend from High School, and now umpteen stupid groupie local ho-bags

We are done.


Posts: 179 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: utah
Topic Posts: 4