User Topic: So how was it?
million tears
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Your Christmas? I went to my inlaws on Christmas eve as usual. My two oldest kids spent the night elsewhere and my 14 yo and WH opened their gifts on Christmas eve night. Today we took our son to another state to stay with his bio mom for a few days. WH and I stopped to see a friend on the way home. I had a slight trigger. We barely spoke on the way home. WH was asleep by 7 pm.

I'm lonely.

2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.

Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
Member # 41608
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Mine wasn't as awful as I had predicted. It was just my DD and me. I did cry off and on all day, but I had predicted I wouldn't even be able to make myself get out of bed this morning. But, I did! I'm glad it's just about over though. I'm lonely too. ((Hugs))

Married 13 years
DD #1 03/12
DD #2 11/20/13
Status: Separated and planning D

Nowhere left to go but up!

Posts: 108 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

I am lonely too. For the past 3 weeks I focused on Christmas fun and really did enjoy the holiday with the kids and grandkids. I have tried to give myself a break from worrying about what WH is/isn't doing.
WH didn't do much but sit here today. I bought and wrapped my own gifts (which were fabulous). I feel ignored and unappreciated. I was hoping for so much more.
We are in separate rooms watching tv. It's a huge let down. I don't think I can go on much longer with him.
I did find much joy in talking, playing and eating with my wonderful family! I am truly blessed in many things, just not with H who will do what it takes to R.
Merry Christmas!

Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 499 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
million tears
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)


I miss being happy at Christmas. I miss the kids being excited. I miss baking and making candy for all of the neighbors. I miss being excited for WH to open his gifts. I miss decorating the house. I just can't seem to do anything I used to do.

I couldn't find a box of my decorations so all our tree has on it is lights and I didn't even buy any. It's ugly. Ugly like I feel inside.

2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.

Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
million tears
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.

Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

(((Million Tears))) (((PinkJeepLady))) (((Notfixable)))

My first Christmas/Holidays was two weeks after DDay... DDay was actually on the first night of Hanukkah.

I spent all of December like a zombie.

This is our fourth Holiday season since DDay and it's gotten a lot better. I know it sound cliche but time really does help and it will get better.

Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24651 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
Member # 40981
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Hugs to all of you.

I planned a fun day and it was fun...until evening came and I was alone, which was when I broke down. I came on SI before bed because I wanted to know I wasn't the only one feeling this way today.

Thank you all for sharing your grief...I'm sorry you feel like I do, but at least it's comforting to know I'm not alone.

BS: 33
WS: 35 and definitely SA
Married: 9 years
1 stepchild, now 18 years old
DDay: 9/2/2013
ONS: Multiples over at least a 6-year period, at least twenty
1 OC 5 yrs old and another on the way (by different ONS)

Posts: 211 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

(((group hug!!!)))
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for all.

Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 499 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 2:14 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

Hi All,

The holidays make everything so much harder. I am glad this one is over and I go to work today.

Christmas in the Twilight Zone.

Christmas Eve - cooked and brought food and gifts to my exhusbands house (1st husband, father of my boys). They did not want to come to my house because of possible drama from "the evil one" and did not want granddaughter exposed.

It was okay, but sad, Christmas eve has always been mine, at my house. I make it special and this was just thrown together. The baby made me smile so that was good.

Christmas Day - went to the parents home of a friend, did not know anyone but her. It was nice but felt like an observer. They must have thought I was odd. I fell asleep sitting up on the couch! How embarrassing! They were all very nice but it is hard to pretend and smile when your world is in a million pieces.

This was my 2nd Christmas in bizarro world. Last year was 2 months after dday #1 and this year was 5days after dday #2.

Just glad it is over.

I think I will just stay home alone for a couple of weeks. I don't think I am ready to be out in the real world yet. It just seems to emphasize how deep the pain is.

Peace and strength


"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie


Posts: 1468 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:44 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

Mine was decent. In laws Christmas eve, my family today. Ws was on good behavior. Only had 2 hits of sadness. First one at 640 am when ws messaged ow in the bathroom. I know I shouldn't have looked but yea I did. 2nd one was walking in on ws and my grandaugjter in the middle of a tea party with her knew toys. It was just so sweet seeing him scrunched down on the little chair with a tea cup in his hand. Sweet but bittersweet...makes me sick that we will D in the future. My choice, but still sad that he's forcing my hand.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5235 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 41568
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

Mine was very hard all through Tuesday and Yesterday, But did things for my family and as annoying as they were their intentions were in the right place, trying to keep me busy so I wouldn't dwell on everything for at least 1 day. I managed to get through the feeling of hopelessness, loss, regret, and self pity..
then went out with BIL and my sister last night, ran into a lot of people and friends of both myself and WW. All I can say is HOLY crap!!! I thought I knew about most of what the 2 worst people I have ever met did. Nope, I was wrong.
Instead of having some decency and being just a little bit discreet they have been all over town. none of our close friends know what is going on and all think everything is my fault. that's bad enough, even though what they have done is not my secret to keep, I don't really want to tell everyone, more for myself then for her. I don't want the pity, and the looks, I know will come. Also I don't think many of our friends will believe that she could or would be capable of this. But Everyone one in town seems to know a lot more about my WW than I ever dreamed.
Wow, so this morning I am angry, it's not rage, just anger that she could do this to me, with THAT....

Be careful who you trust. Even your shadow will abandon you when it's dark.....

Divorced 6/13/14

Posts: 118 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

I spent Christmas with my brother and pets. All of them love me so unconditionally.
I got the most thoughtful gifts from my brother that I've received in years. It made me almost cry. I hung on by a thread though.
Wow, all these years married, and as soon as my STBXH leaves for the other woman, I get a thoughtful gift, and it was from my brother!!
My pets snuggle mugged me. Then I spent the day baking. I drove to the Army base and dropped off a container of baked goodies, and then I dropped off another container to the border patrol folks.
The house smelled fantastic all day.
I was only sad twice for about 10 minutes, yesterday. Just a few tears, and they were quickly brushed away.

I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2478 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

I spent every minute of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my WH.

I was lonely the entire time.

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

Another lonely one. MrH really doesn't know me. Not only did he not get a single gift I would actually want (except what I explicitly said I wanted) but a couple he got I've said in the past I actively dislike.

Now he's got a stomach bug and I'm triggered back to first Christmas after d-day. He was also curled up in the bath trying to get relief from a stomach bug then too. I saw him and walked away. All I could think is how much pain he's seen me in for 7yrs and hasn't taken an active part in helping to relieve that pain.

Christmas Eve he came to me because he was upset about one of the cats scratching on his chair. He said he didn't want feedback, just wanted his feelings heard. So I listened and inwardly I seethed because no matter how much I beg to have my feelings heard he corrects me. He doesn't do the guy thing of solving my problem, he corrects me and tells me why my feelings are wrong.

No wonder he doesn't know me enough to buy me a single gift. He's taught me to STFU over the past few years. This is NOT what M is supposed to be.

"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11273 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

not so great. H and I started fighting over 2 company parties, just before. We were not speaking after that. We have agreed to not purchase presents for each other, for many years, ( so the kids can have a good christmas)I feel embarrassed, unloved, and lonely during gift time. Now its just enabling H. I fixed dinner for all, and DD was 2 hrs late. ANd had already eaten. Food was not so great by then. I found myself in the backyard, taking out trash, crying and hiding. Next year will be different. Less gifts, less work, and more consideration for me. Something has to change. I cant handle feeling unloved after the A.

a trigger yesterday

Posts: 1048 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

Alright. Very tiring. WH got made a wonderful gift.
I got him Captain Kirk pjs. A vieled insult LOL
I am exhausted and need to rest for about year. Best Wishes to all my SI friends and family.

[This message edited by selkiescot at 10:52 AM, December 26th (Thursday)]

The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1411 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, December 26th (Thursday)


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 26072 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, December 26th (Thursday)

I don't celebrate Christmas anymore. It's just another day for me. Would have been happy to go to work if we weren't closed.

Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2281 | Registered: Feb 2010
Member # 36422
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, December 26th (Thursday)

Spent Xmas Eve with my family.

Spent Xmas Day just the 2 of us, at a nice hotel resort with a pool, spa...saw no friends or family. Just enjoyed each other, made love, focused on us. WSO was great and took care of me in every way, very lovingly. No gifts were exchanged. This was intentionally prearranged by me. Instead we bought tickets to a NYE event for the both of us.

Spent Boxing Day with her family.

It was almost perfect. Best Xmas I've had in a long long time!

Me: BSO 39
Her: WSO 29
Together: 9 years
Married?: No
Children?: No
OM: A friend of a friend
DD#1: June 18th 2012
Many more DD after TT
PA#1: 1 week in Nov/Dec 2010, which led to a long distance EA
R: ?

Posts: 608 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Oz
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, December 26th (Thursday)

Better than I expected. I didn't cry, we had a nice day together with the kids and later on extended family.

He is crabby today...I've barely seen him yet he seems mad at me.

I hate when he is mad at me.

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 40487
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, December 26th (Thursday)

Better than I expected considering I was a crying mess leading up to it.

Christmas Eve morning WH came and took the kids out for hot chocolate and the traditional last minute gift shopping. He showed up with a broken hand (told the kids he had fallen on the ice). I made sure I was showered, hair done, and made up by the time he arrived, I feel much better dealing with him when I am feeling good about myself. They were gone a whole whopping hour (first time he'd seen them in almost two weeks). Then we went to my parents and exchanged gifts with them and my siblings and nieces and nephews. It was a crazy but good time. Then we came home and I was up ridiculously late wrapping gifts because I hadn't been able to bring myself to deal with it before then.

Christmas morning WH came over to open gifts with the kids. Stayed two hours. Teared up over the gift DS#2 had gotten him (Best Dad in the World mug that he picked out himself and was insistent on giving). Had helped the kids get all the things I asked for (new mat for the kitchen, tongs, and a travel coffee mug) plus a $100 gift certificate to a spa I like. Once he left we headed to my parents again for Christmas dinner. Again a crazy time with all the kids, but good distraction. On the way home we stopped in to drop off a Christmas card for a friend and ended up staying three hours. By the time we got home I was exhausted, and after I put the kids to bed I fell asleep listening to my audio book.

Luckily distracting enough to keep me from moping too much.

Me: BS (39)
Three Beautiful Children 12,9,5
DD: 8/24/13
Heading for divorce
Moving on with life

Posts: 107 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, December 26th (Thursday)


WORST CHRISTMAS E_V_E_R..............

..didn't talk the whole day

..didn't even open the gifts under the tree wasn't much better..

..kissed my cat behind his ears a lot today..

thank God for small comforts


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf

Posts: 4134 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
New Member
Member # 40974
Default  Posted: 11:39 PM, December 26th (Thursday)

An emotional roller coaster with an incredibly deep, downward spiral in the middle.

Back story: We haven't been living together since I kicked WH out just before Labor Day when I discovered numerous sexual communications on his phone with other women and men. He confessed to being curious about men & had received oral sex from a man once about 1 month earlier (which is around the time I started to become suspicious that he was having an affair) but that it didn't feel right so he stopped it in the act and knew it wasn't for him. We've continued to see each other weekly and maintained intimacy while I've sought therapy and encouraged him to do the same for the teenaged sexual assault he experienced and said was at the root of his behavior.

We had a very nice Christmas Eve night together. I was finally starting to fall asleep around 1:30/2AM when he said he was going out to his car to get my gift so he could wrap it while I slept. He came back in the house around 2:30AM & woke me up, saying he needed to talk to me. An OW was outside, supposedly unbeknownst to him when he went out there. He said she had been drinking & was upset that he wasn't spending Christmas with her. She brought her adult daughter & a friend, presumably to physically threaten or abuse him or us both if it escalated. A verbal altercation ensued, mostly by the daughter, and he told them to leave or he'd call the cops. As he was telling me all of this, one of them knocked on the front door & then left. We both went to the front gate where the OW was standing, asking WH for her house key back. She said something benign to me, like hello or good night, and I replied with a fuck you. That upset her & she cussed back at me & started talking back to someone else. That's when I saw my dear neighbor in her front yard in her nightgown, defending me & yelling at the OW to leave (I rent the house behind them, on the same lot & the neighbor is actually also my landlord).

Over the next 4.5 - 5 hours we talked and cried & he ultimately told me that he first slept with her back in late 2011, 1 month before I was moving back into town (I had moved out of state for my job for 7 months, paid to fly him up every other weekend & then he & his 2 teenaged daughters packed & moved me back that Thanksgiving weekend into our own place together (that was before we were married). Some time later, I had discovered near-constant texting with this woman & asked him about it, insisting that he stop. He insisted she was a married friend for years that he had no interest in. I looked up her Facebook profile & knew he was lying about the attraction part at least because she isn't ugly & has big tits. Well, after more prying overnight, he confessed that he had taken some clothes, mail & other things over there after I kicked him out and had slept with her twice since then. She got my address from his mail. Also learned of some other lies he had upheld since we met 3.5 years ago, only after telling him this was his one chance to tell me EVERYTHING & that if I found out anything else down the line that it would be over. Even after that, he continued to uphold that he had only slept with her once back in 2011. I had to keep questioning him for the supposed truth about the 2 recent encounters to come out.

After about 2 hours of sleep Christmas morning, talked off & on, and things were generally calm. Then, I checked Facebook & saw that the OW had sent me a series of short messages around 3AM about how she & my WH have been sleeping together since October 2011 without condoms & that she only recently found out about me. Then, around 7AM, she sent a follow up message saying that I was going to believe what I wanted to. When I asked him whether she'd contacted him too, he read me some texts in which she apparently said something about how he told her his heart is with me (the BW) and that he was just using her for the storage.

I lost it this morning, arguing, yelling & cursing at him. He promised to change whether or not we stay together because this whole experience over the past 4 months is motivating him to want to be a better husband & father. He also brought up the idea of marriage counseling (which I wanted HIM to bring up) & I told him that would be the only possible way I could ever trust him again, because I can't do it on my own. Then, this afternoon, we took one of his daughters to the mall & I put on a pleasant face for all of my interactions with her, but I was distant & virtually non-interactive with him. I just don't know who or what to believe anymore. This whole thing has caused me to question my own judgement & esteem.

Tonight, I emailed him a short list of therapists' website links from which to choose & told him to pick the one he thinks he'll feel the most comfortable talking to, along with his general availability so that I could make our first appointment for couples counseling.

I was so concerned about making it a nice Christmas & New Year's and was planning to tell him to leave for good after that because I figured he was a deeply closeted homosexual. He swore that isn't him, but he did admit to being a cheater & a liar who has always been a liar & needs help. I love this man more than I thought I could love someone (I don't have kids yet) and I'm still in love with him, but only a little. One more blow will certainly be the last, so I'm trying to give him just one more chance through counseling. Not sure if I can even make it through though because of my constant "emotional schizophrenia" in which I hate him, feel in love with him and then convince myself that I couldn't care less whether he decides to stay or go... All within the same week, sometimes the same day.

I'm sorry for the story dump. This is my first time posting here or to any site like this and I'm typing how I'm feeling... all over the place. I'm sure it comes across nutty & like I'm ridiculous for even considering staying with this man who has lied repeatedly - perhaps even uncontrollably since I met him. Truth is, when it's good, it's nearly perfect, and when it's bad, it's the worst pain I've ever felt. I'm grasping at the hope that he can & will change and that we can find trust, respect (of which I've lost a tremendous amount for him) and happiness together again, but only this time it will be true happiness, not just the ignorant bliss I felt while he carried on behind my back.

[This message edited by ImaBAlrite at 7:04 AM, December 27th (Friday)]

Posts: 2 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: California
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, December 26th (Thursday)

You are in the perfect spot to post your story/feelings. After all that I think it's amazing that you are able to recount it all. You have been through a lot in a short amount of time. I am so sorry for all that.
You have a lot of things to figure out, I think it will take some time. Please know you have a whole lot of support here from folks who truly understand your pain and confusion.
The only advice I can think of right now for you is to take a deep breath (probably several!) and try and get some sleep or at least rest. You can start to figure out the situation when you feel up to it.
Please take care of yourself, don't forget to drink water, simple but really helps mind and body when in crisis.
Hang in there!

Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 499 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, December 27th (Friday)

Oh, I almost forgot that before I read Ima's post I was going to say that I had a better day today. After Christmas "retail therapy" always perks me up and today didn't disappoint!
I really am not materialistic or shallow (I hope not anyway!) but sometimes a diversion is nice.
I really appreciate being asked "how was it?". I am glad I had a safe place to really say how I feel to people who know exactly what I mean.
Ok, Christmas is over, but what about New Year's people????

Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 499 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
New Member
Member # 40974
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, December 27th (Friday)

PinkJeepLady, thank you for your words (and your time... I know my post was a long one, :) )

Posts: 2 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: California
Member # 36164
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, December 27th (Friday)

It sucked, but because I was sick not because of wh A, although I did end up thinking how nice he was to me, how much he seemed to want to take care of me, I pretty much slept all day after presents were opened, and he was just nice and caring, made sure I was ok. Which turned into me questioning my long term exit plan, this right here, the being taken care of and the joy in my kids eyes when they play with their daddy, is what will break my heart and theirs if I leave.

BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 8.5, DS 6, DS 5.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Portland
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, December 27th (Friday)


I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please post often and know that we are here to support you. (((HUGS)))

It was actually a very nice Christmas this year. Last year I was a mess and didn't even want to have Christmas. This year WH#2 asked me what I wanted and I told him. First I wanted a steam cleaner for my tile floor. He said OK he could do that. Then I looked at him and said I wanted a diamond. He was dumb founded when I said it because usually I don't ask for personal stuff although he used to be good at it before his A. He then got speechless. Over the next couple of days he kept asking what I wanted. I told him I had already told him and I wasn't changing my mind. I got the flu and he had to wind up doing all the shopping for his large family, which he had never did before. He even wrapped my present which was a new development for him.

I got my diamond ring (ask for it because he got OW a diamond a couple of Christmas's ago to shut her up). I still will not wear it on my ring finger, but it will be a nice thing to pawn if and when I D his ass.

M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 28