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User Topic: mil needs help...suggestions?
Trying2Survive1
Member
Member # 40022
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

My 86 yo NPD MIL is miserable. I witnessed it today when she was over for the holiday. My H and his sister are just fed up with her because she is, frankly, verbally abusive to them. However, she has always been kind and compassionate to me. She is clearly unhappy. In the new year I feel that I should reach out to her and offer her the gift of my time, but I'm afraid she'll use that against H and SIL (I love her more...ugh...don't want her saying, "I'm closer to her than my daughter,)" etc. Any suggestions are helpful.


Madhatters, M 31 yrs
FWW/BS 57-BS/FWH 56
Separated 5 mos in 07.His DDay,11/07.False R since 07. My DDay,7/5/13."Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: United States
Chrysalis123
Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

What does your husband think about this?


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2608 | Registered: Jan 2010
Trying2Survive1
Member
Member # 40022
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, December 26th (Thursday)

I haven't discussed it with him and my SIl yet, as I am trying to think of what I could do for her.


Madhatters, M 31 yrs
FWW/BS 57-BS/FWH 56
Separated 5 mos in 07.His DDay,11/07.False R since 07. My DDay,7/5/13."Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: United States
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, December 26th (Thursday)

Tred softly here, trying. Your desire to help her is admirable. If she is truly NPD, however, you may be stepping squarely into a minefield as you seem to have identified already.

What kind of help do you think she needs? Is it help you can arrange through a 3rd party rather than directly?


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24437 | Registered: Aug 2011
Trying2Survive1
Member
Member # 40022
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, December 26th (Thursday)

Tred softly here,

That's for sure. She really needs therapy or medication I'm sure, but she would never agree to that. Husband and I did discuss her behavior during MC a few weeks ago and he suggested that too.

I think the best course is to talk with H and SIL together and find out if they want me to do anything at all. I can see how this could backfire big time.

Thank you for the advice.


Madhatters, M 31 yrs
FWW/BS 57-BS/FWH 56
Separated 5 mos in 07.His DDay,11/07.False R since 07. My DDay,7/5/13."Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: United States
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, December 26th (Thursday)

That approach makes a lot of sense to me, honey.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24437 | Registered: Aug 2011
Trying2Survive1
Member
Member # 40022
Default  Posted: 1:49 AM, December 27th (Friday)

I love the clarity here...Thank you!


Madhatters, M 31 yrs
FWW/BS 57-BS/FWH 56
Separated 5 mos in 07.His DDay,11/07.False R since 07. My DDay,7/5/13."Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 7