SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
General
User Topic: Christmas Surprise???
sohurtbyhim
Member
Member # 33057
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

Yesterday morning I went into a closet that I share with WH looking for a present that he put there for my mom. No big deal. All of a sudden, I hear him yell to me....what are you looking for and he came running into the room. I told him I wanted the gift for my mom and he said he'd find it. I had pulled down a box I thought the gift was in and found a card for me (at least I think it was for me) as well as about 8 flashdrives. As usual, I was dumb and didn't think anything about it, I thought he had gifts for me hidden in the closet that he didn't want me to find.

Honestly, I'm still not sure what he was hiding, if anything, but this morning I started thinking about the drives so when he went to work, I got them out and looked at some of them. Sure enough, it was porn. He had promised me not to look at porn again because that was one of his excuses for starting the affair. He can't say that he forgot these were drives just laying around that he forgot because we moved since the affair so he deliberately brought them here. I can't say he's watching them though and I'm sure if I question him about them, he'll say he's not watching them.

Also, my husband is very creative and since our attempts at reconciliation, he makes origami tokens for me. I have found on these flash drives instructions for roses, but the killer is that the date modified on the drive is in 2008. I have never received an origami rose from him at any time, AND even worse, if I never received this who did???? I'm sure he didn't have these files on the drive for no reason. During the A, he told me that it was going on for about 13 months, but his AP told me it was 2-1/2 years. I'm beginning to think she was the one telling me the truth.

I don't want to think the worst of my husband again, but I know this will eat at me. Can anyone think of anyway this could be "innocent"? I know...I'm probably being naïve again.


Me - BS
Him - WH
Married 30 Years
D-Day #1 August 17, 2010
D-Day #2 October 19, 2010
D-Day #3 February 12, 2011

Posts: 305 | Registered: Aug 2011
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

All of a sudden, I hear him yell to me....what are you looking for and he came running into the room. I told him I wanted the gift for my mom and he said he'd find it.

^^^ His actions should be a big red flag.

He knows things were there and he is/was them from you.

If they had been there from the move and forgotten he wouldn't have come running.

I would be pulling that closet apart.

You know the truth, your gut is screaming, isn't it?


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3846 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
sohurtbyhim
Member
Member # 33057
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

Hi Karma,

Yes, my gut is screaming, but my heart is looking for a reasonable explanation. I'm not saying that he is cheating, but since he is the one who said that porn is what led to the A, and he agreed not to look at it again, then why keep the flashdrives. I'm thinking of all possible excuses, and I'm sure he'll say why throw away perfectly good drives, but if he was going to do that, why didn't he delete the garbage from them?


Me - BS
Him - WH
Married 30 Years
D-Day #1 August 17, 2010
D-Day #2 October 19, 2010
D-Day #3 February 12, 2011

Posts: 305 | Registered: Aug 2011
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

Honey? Listen to your gut. ((((sohurtbyhim))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25744 | Registered: Aug 2011
kra127
Member
Member # 41045
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, December 26th (Thursday)

I'd start by checking his emails, cell phone records and internet history. You might find more information than you ever wanted but you may get answers too. I'd say he's hiding more than just porn.


Me 40
WS 39
2 young kids, Married 10 yrs
OW 22, admitted to EA and then TT to PA two weeks later. Also, found out about several "friends".
Dday 10/8/13
Divorcing

Posts: 97 | Registered: Oct 2013
sinsof thefather
Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, December 26th (Thursday)

There is no reasonable explanation other than he is still purposely hiding things from you. He had to have physically (and secretly) moved them from your old house to this new one and hid them away in that closet. They aren't something left over from the affair that he forgot about. He brought them with him when you moved. When you started digging around in that closet the first thing he thought about was that they were there and he didn't want you finding them - that's why he came running. He wants to keep them or he'd have pretended to have just remembered they were there and then thrown them away with you watching. Or he could have done it in secret later to get rid of them. One way or another they could have been gone today. They're not. So, he's not sure if you saw them and he's still prepared to see if he can get away with keeping them without you knowing. Reasonably, that's the least of it - in my opinion. ((sohurtbyhim))


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1882 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
Kelany
Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, December 26th (Thursday)

He's hiding shit and he knows it. Listen to your gut, this is not something that can be explained away.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
ruby44
Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, December 26th (Thursday)

question,
Did he or is he seeking help with the porn? If he is addicted simply saying he wont is a herculean task.
I would check everything as well, transparency should still be in place and if it is not, problems.
Relocate the drives. Put them somewhere else, if he is still using them it will drive him crazy trying to find them especially if you act like nothing has changed.


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home.
Lies!

Posts: 277 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, December 26th (Thursday)

His reaction to you being in his closet, not good. He may not be in an A but he's continuing with secrets and hiding things from you. Better to nip it now.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5134 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
sohurtbyhim
Member
Member # 33057
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, December 26th (Thursday)

Thanks everyone. You've validated what my head knows, but my heart just doesn't want to accept.

Did he or is he seeking help with the porn? If he is addicted simply saying he wont is a herculean task

Ruby, No, he has never sought help for getting over the porn, but I believed he could stop if he truly wanted to because he stopped smoking, drugs, and alcohol cold turkey when he wanted to. (Not all at the same time) He definitely has an addictive personality and I guess substitutes one addiction for another.

My heart is breaking again and my son is home for Christmas so I'm pretending that all is well.


Me - BS
Him - WH
Married 30 Years
D-Day #1 August 17, 2010
D-Day #2 October 19, 2010
D-Day #3 February 12, 2011

Posts: 305 | Registered: Aug 2011
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:02 AM, December 27th (Friday)

He definitely has an addictive personality and I guess substitutes one addiction for another.

This describes my ws to a T. He went to rehab several yrs ago but would not attend meetings because he said it was,all bullshit, he stopped because he wanted to not because of therapy or AA. He never drank again and stopped cocaine but I have watched him jump from one obsession to the next since he stopped partying. Now his addiction is porn. When he's into something, he's in all the way..so annoying. His other obsessions were not bad ones, just irritating to me because they came before anything else.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5134 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 11