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Just Found Out
User Topic: Help me to Move forward...
HealingSought
New Member
Member # 41795
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, December 27th (Friday)

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[This message edited by HealingSought at 9:08 AM, December 28th (Saturday)]


Me BGF
Him WBF:
Together: 5 years
DDay 12-22-2013
A-5 months

Posts: 44 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
deena04
Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, December 27th (Friday)

Our situations are similar in that my ws strayed before marriage, but it was one time, however, he didn't tell me until just a few weeks ago (we married in August). Actually, I found out and he confessed then. It has happened a year and half ago. Your emotions are perfectly normal! Betrayal, lies, all of that are normal feelings to have now. Get counseling and talk to trusted people. If you love him and he is remorseful, it could be solved if you find out why/the root to his behavior, which it sounds like you are working on. Best wishes :)


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want...I have no idea

Posts: 1125 | Registered: Dec 2013
7yrsflushed
Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, December 27th (Friday)

Sorry you are here Healingsought. If you haven't check out the "healing library" in the upper left side of the site. It has a lot of great information.

Please remember to take care of yourself, eat and drink when you can. This is tough and it takes along time to recover from infidelity but you will get through it. If you haven't please go get tested for STD's asap. Your wayward boyfriend (WBF) needs to get tested as well. Is the Affair (A) actually over? Whether you check or not he should give you full transparency, i.e., passwords and access to all email accounts, facebook, cell phone access etc. He also needs to put NC or no contact in place with the affair partner (AP).

To answer your question you begin to move forward by focusing on you. You can't change your WBF. He has to do that work on his own. He has shown you who he is prior to you getting married. Now he gets to show you if he is truly capable of changing himself or not. Right now his words and some of his actions seem to point that way but it's consistent action of a very extended period of time that you want to see. It's said that it can take 2 to 5 years to recover from infidelity. Please take care of yourself. Sit back and ask yourself what do YOU want. Seriously put some thought into this and then go about doing something that you wanted to do while your WBF works through his issues. Read up on the 180 and detachment in the healing library.

Again sorry you are here but there is a ton of knowledge here for you. I wish you the best.



D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1912 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
HealingSought
New Member
Member # 41795
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, December 27th (Friday)

deena04...He is serious about changing...but my family hates him now...I dont even know how to even try to stay with him right now. I need my space. Whether i have his passwords and etc., people will do what they want. As of now, he's blocked her and she is on no contact...but that doesnt stop him or her from contacting one another at work.

We know the root of his behavior, but even should he change, how does one's relationship recover. You cant force your family to move on...even if you have.

7yrsflushed
I will be getting testing in the new year. He has been tested and is clean. I find it hard to eat much or drink much or even sleep. It's too difficult...Everything reminds me of him.


Me BGF
Him WBF:
Together: 5 years
DDay 12-22-2013
A-5 months

Posts: 44 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
20Hopeful16
Member
Member # 40487
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, December 27th (Friday)

The best thing I can tell you is that you don't need to make any decisions right now. Take time to process, heal, see what sort of actions he takes, whatever else you need. There is no clock ticking that says you need to decide by such and such a time what you are going to do. And you can change your mind. Perhaps consider getting some individual counseling for yourself to help process this.


Me: BS (39)
Three Beautiful Children 12,9,5
DD: 8/24/13
Heading for divorce
Moving on with life

Posts: 107 | Registered: Aug 2013
HealingSought
New Member
Member # 41795
Default  Posted: 5:34 AM, December 28th (Saturday)

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[This message edited by HealingSought at 9:08 AM, December 28th (Saturday)]


Me BGF
Him WBF:
Together: 5 years
DDay 12-22-2013
A-5 months

Posts: 44 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 6