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User Topic: In shock
Fooled1
New Member
Member # 41809
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, December 27th (Friday)

Hi, am new here. Have just found out that my partner has been seeing someone else for the last 8 months. As in, literally found out last night. To make matters worse, they are now planning to stay with the OP and it seems like they just stayed with me as 'didn't want to hurt me'. Because this is better?!
Just wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar or has any advice? At the moment am in a bit of a black hole and can't see past it.

Posts: 4 | Registered: Dec 2013
GotMyLifeBck2013
Member
Member # 40531
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, December 27th (Friday)

May want to post in the just found out forum. Read the library, keep yourself healthy, and initiate the 180. Its your best hope for now...


I define me! I don't just survive, I thrive!!

Me: fBH 46
Her: exWW 42
DDay: Nov 1, 2012
Divorced: September 17, 2013


Posts: 289 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ohio
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:14 AM, December 28th (Saturday)

I'm so sorry.

"In shock" is exactly right. Finding out about betrayal is something that causes your body to react as well as your mind. It's trauma. So be gentle with yourself. Be mindful of your breathing. If you can, remember to drink fluids, nibble on food if you can keep it down, and sleep. Stay away from booze, drugs, and revenge affairs.

You're going to go through a bazillion emotions. You're going to want to die. You're going to want your partner to die. You're going to want answers. Getting through this, surviving infidelity, is a painful process. We'll help you. We've all of us been where you are right now. You're not alone.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9300 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
trumanshow
Member
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, December 28th (Saturday)

I was in shock too

who is "they?"


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1742 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
NeverAgain2013
Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, December 28th (Saturday)

I think 'they' is the OP speaking about his/her partner in the third person.

It's so cryptic and I can't figure out if this is a same sex relationship or if the OP is the wife or husband, etc. etc.

Please come back and give us a better description of your situation, Fooled.

Wishing you peace of mind and spirit.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
trumanshow
Member
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, December 28th (Saturday)

oh ok-thought maybe kiddies were involved


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1742 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
Fooled1
New Member
Member # 41809
Default  Posted: 2:53 AM, December 29th (Sunday)

Hi thanks for your replies. Yes it is a same sex relationship. Didn't mention as I was unsure of reaction I would get. Doesn't seem to be many on this site.
Yesterday (the day after finding out and spending the whole night awake and in tears) I decided to go out with friends and try to focus on me for a change. Had numerous texts from girlfriend asking to talk, etc which I ignored so she instead came out to look for me and eventually found me with friends in a local bar I go to. Really didn't want to see her but let her speak. Seems like she went with the OP as she gave her the flattering attention but it turned into more and now she thinks she might love her. All of this I sort of knew but instead of letting me try to get over it and move on she is saying it's me that's most important to her and she can't live without me. What do I do? Have booked a counselling session but is still 2 weeks off with it being the holiday season.

Posts: 4 | Registered: Dec 2013
happenedtome
Member
Member # 6042
Default  Posted: 3:13 AM, December 29th (Sunday)

Everyone is welcome here. There are other same sex couples at SI. So sorry you find yourself here, but it is a very welcoming place with many wise folks with similar situations and good advice and empathy

Posts: 216 | Registered: Dec 2004
trumanshow
Member
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, December 30th (Monday)

Yes there are more same-sex relationships here than you think. Betrayal is betrayal and we are all going through the same hell


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1742 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
Topic Posts: 9