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User Topic: Has anyone scattered cremains?
mom of 2
Member
Member # 11214
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, January 1st (Wednesday)

It's been a helluva year. I lost my only two siblings (both brothers) 4 months apart. Long story short, I am in possession of one of my brother's cremated remains and my plan was to scatter them.

I found out it's illegal to do so at the place I wanted to. In fact, in my area, it's illegal anywhere on public property which of course includes beaches and parks which is where I wanted to do so. However it is perfectly legal to scatter on my own private property. But I don't want to scatter in my suburban backyard which backs up to my neighbors.

Has anyone dealt with this? Any suggestions?


Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)


Posts: 13296 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell
AgainandAgain
Member
Member # 34835
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, January 1st (Wednesday)

Where we live, it has similar issues. My fwh uncle was killed and cremated a few years ago. We scattered ashes at the grave of his grandparents. His children each saved some of the ashes and had jewelry made out of them. His one son mixed ashes with soil and planted a tree in the garden for him.

Don't know if these help but I hope I did.

I'm so very sorry about your brothers.

((((mom))))


Posts: 231 | Registered: Feb 2012
mom of 2
Member
Member # 11214
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, January 1st (Wednesday)

Thanks Again.

Glad I'm not the only one that has dealt with this. I live out of state from my now deceased (and buried) family members so it wouldn't be practical to do the graveyard thing. But that's a very good idea and may be helpful to others.

I have friends that live on the water and/or have "park-like" huge backyards, but unfortunately all of them are kinda creeped out about cremation so I wouldn't feel comfortable asking. I will think on the planting a tree idea though. Thank you.


Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)


Posts: 13296 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell
AgainandAgain
Member
Member # 34835
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, January 1st (Wednesday)

You're welcome

It's a way to remember them and still see them everyday. I understand that. Also, you could go to a craft store and get those kits to make stepping stones or little blocks of concrete. Make mix ashes with the mix and make it like that. That way if you move, you can take it with you.

I have a friend who cremated her dog. He was her one and only baby. When he died, she couldn't bear to let go of him so she had his ashes crushed into a diamond I think. She wears him everywhere she goes. Some people think it's morbid but I think it's very sweet.

You can PM if you have any questions about anything.

Edited to add some words I left out

[This message edited by AgainandAgain at 3:06 PM, January 1st (Wednesday)]


Posts: 231 | Registered: Feb 2012
Gottagetthrough
Member
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, January 1st (Wednesday)

A friend scattered her dads ashes during a hike, not sure if she even knew or checked if it was legal?? She went to a desolate area (this is in the southwest) and scattered them at a place that was special for him.

Was your brother religious or affiliated with a place of worship? Some do cremation ceremonies on site (our church had a religious ceremony and buries the cremated remains at churc

I've heard of people scattering remains at a favorite place too-- namely a golf course.

Don't rush, you will find a good spot for your brother. Hugs.


Posts: 1362 | Registered: Jan 2010
mom of 2
Member
Member # 11214
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, January 1st (Wednesday)

I think it's sweet too and I totally get it even if others don't!


Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)


Posts: 13296 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell
mom of 2
Member
Member # 11214
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, January 1st (Wednesday)

Gottagetthrough,

No he wasn't religious in a conventional sense if you know what I mean. My adult niece is in possession of my other brother's cremains and she said she is scattering them wherever she damn well pleases, laws or not!

But I am not comfortable with that. Hell, brother number 2 was in enough trouble with the law throughout his entire life it would be just my luck to get arrested trying to give him what I think would be the proper/illegal send off. lol


Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)


Posts: 13296 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell
somanyyears
Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, January 1st (Wednesday)

..my mom passed in 2006 and with my siblings' permission, half of her ashes were placed in an antique preserving jar, to honour her love for making jams, jellies, chili sauce etc.

The jar was then placed in a fancy box and buried in our dad's grave plot.

..the other half of her ashes were taken to our island cottage and scattered around a special tree that we named for her and some also spread around our campfire ring where family continue to gather during summers, that way, she is in a small part, with us there, enjoying the fires.

Sorry to read of your double loss. May you find peace in whatever location you choose to honour your brother's final resting place.

smy

[This message edited by somanyyears at 3:26 PM, January 1st (Wednesday)]


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4120 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
mom of 2
Member
Member # 11214
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, January 1st (Wednesday)

Thank you somanyyears. It's been tough for sure. Both somewhat unexpected deaths. One brother was from cancer, diagnosed out of the blue and given 3-6 months and died 2 days shy of 3 months, and the other totally unexpected.

Sounds like your mother was very much loved and a lot of thought put into her remains and resting places. I am sure she would love it.


Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)


Posts: 13296 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell
looking forward
Member
Member # 25238
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, January 1st (Wednesday)

mom of2:
I am very sorry for your loss. I, too, have lost two brothers, in 2007 and late 2012.
Both brothers' ashes were scattered in the river where my paternal roots are.
Oldest brother's wife, my twin sister, and I scattered his ashes in June of 2008. My SIL also kept some in a special wooden box that my brother's BF made for her.
Middle brother died in November of 2012, and this past June, I held a family memorial at my home. I am a licenced lay reader and we held a short service and then we drove to the same river, about 15 minutes away. I continued the service on the pier, and each of us present had a small vial of ashes to empty into the river, along with an iris, his favourite flower.
I Googled the law here in Ontario, as well as a consultation with our local funeral home. It was quite legal.
My sister still has a vial of our middle brother's ashes that we plan to scatter at the cemetery where our parents' cremated ashes are interred.
If you have any religious affiliation, many cemeteries now have Scattering Gardens (fee).

I wish you peace in your decision.
(((mom of 2))

[This message edited by looking forward at 4:06 PM, January 1st (Wednesday)]


Memory and hope; one looks backward, and the other forward; one is of today, the other of tomorrow.
"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain." (Joseph Campbell)

Posts: 2839 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Where a river runs through it
somanyyears
Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, January 1st (Wednesday)


..thankyou mom of 2..for your kind words..

..yes, our mother (to 5 children) was loved very much indeed!

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4120 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
64fleet
Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, January 1st (Wednesday)

My buddy was told it was illegal and he scattered them anyway. It was his mother's last wish. No one called out the State Police.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5391 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
allusions
Member
Member # 25376
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, January 1st (Wednesday)

Sent you a PM

Posts: 297 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: California Central Coast
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, January 2nd (Thursday)

My grandpa's remains were scattered at sea. He was a seaman and wanted to be scattered in the Gulf of Mexico. His ashes were given to the captain of a ship headed that way. Instead, the captain spread his ashes up north off the East coast When questioned about that, he said "oh well, he'll eventually make his way to the gulf"


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13723 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
EvenKeel
Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, January 2nd (Thursday)

I am so sorry about your brothers!!!

I would think you could find some place that would fit the bill. Meaning, how about a private lake, beach or mountains? That way it would be the setting you wished without breaking any laws.

I seen a lot of people recently getting cremation charms and necklaces done too. Maybe that has always been popular and I just never heard of it but I seen a few friends on FB do that recently.

Like the other poster mentioned, some people also are scattered on the graves of family members 'to be close' to them.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2056 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
mom of 2
Member
Member # 11214
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, January 2nd (Thursday)

Thank you all for your replies and suggestions. I am getting closer to making a decision thanks to you guys.

My heart goes out to all of us that have lost loved ones. Group (((hug)))!

And thanks for the sense of humor too. *My* family always had a wonderful sense of humor which has fortunately, been passed on to my two kids. Unlike their *cough* father and his family. My brothers would approve!


Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)


Posts: 13296 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell
movingforward777
Member
Member # 6850
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, January 4th (Saturday)

When my father passed away we scattered his ashes in a "scattering garden" that one of the local historical churches had just opened. They place a small stone around the edge of the garden with their name, birth/death date on it. It gives me a place to go when I want to remember/talk to/honour my Dad, and I walk along the garden and read the names of the people that have "joined" my Dad in his final resting place.
There was a fee involved, but the funds go to support the historical church. We also smile because my Dad was born in England and the "Union Jack" flies over the church graveyard as part of the historical signifigance.
Sorry for the loss of your brothers....HUGS


You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk.......Louise Smith

Posts: 4839 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Ontario
justjim
Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, January 4th (Saturday)

My buddy was told it was illegal and he scattered them anyway. It was his mother's last wish. No one called out the State Police.

Your buddy is my kind of guy!


Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, January 4th (Saturday)

My H's father and uncle (brothers) died within two months of each other. The family made a beautiful garden and most of the ashes are there (buried), but their lifelong best friend kept a little of each of their ashes.

Posts: 11603 | Registered: Mar 2008
really trying
Member
Member # 5311
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, January 4th (Saturday)

(((mom)))

All that I've done have been mentioned. Did he love any sport? I don't know how my son's going to do it but I'd like all or some of my ashes on the Dodger's field.


Me: late 40's
XH: A parasite and that might be a compliment
My S-23, Our D-15
Married 5/93 D-Day: 11/18/03
Divorced 5/19/08

The future's so bright - I got to wear shades

Plant Seeds of Kindness


Posts: 10391 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: California
circe
Member
Member # 6687
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, January 5th (Sunday)

I'm so sorry to hear about your brothers, mom of 2. The mixing in with soil around a tree might be lovely, especially if you're planning to stay in your home a while.

My father (still living) has an extensive list of the places he'd like his ashes scattered. When my parents hit 70 with their full health and mental capabilities they decided to write their living wills and regular wills and their post-life wishes. They gathered us all together for a weekend to explain to us the way their trust is set up, and to ask each one of us to play the part they assigned us as either executors, medical power of attorney in case they're unconscious and other stuff like that.

For some reason my dad thought it would be fun to sketch out the reverse treasure hunt he'd like us to go on as a family while scattering his ashes. With great excitement and fanfare he read us the first 2 places he'd like to be scattered, complete with some suggested conversations starters "in case things get awkward after you scatter me around," suggestions for lodging and additional local activities we might want to try.

He says the other places are only to be revealed once he's gone. I have no idea if any of them are legal. My dad is a complete rascal and would probably find it fascinating if his upstanding adult children were arrested while scattering his remains around.


Posts: 3188 | Registered: Mar 2005
ISPIFFD
Member
Member # 26367
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, January 5th (Sunday)

Cremation's been pretty popular in my family. When my mom died back in '97, Dad and I took some of her cremains to London, which was her favorite place in the world, and sprinkled them off a bridge over the Thames at night. It was just magical to watch them get caught by the air current over the river and float off into the moonlight. But there are a lot of cremains for a typical human, so I have some of her ashes in a heart-shaped glass bottle on my dresser, and some of her ashes went to her family's cabin in mid-state NY, to be with her parents' cremains already scattered there. And we still have some of her ashes to take to Greece some day.

Dad and his parents are still in their original cremain containers awaiting sprinkling. When Dad died in 2012, we didn't have any idea that he had his parents' cremains in his house -- one of the many things he forgot during his ordeal with Alzheimers, so that was a surprise when going through his things. Anyway, Dad and our grandparents are currently in deep storage until my sister's house is done, then she and I will be taking some of Dad over to London to be with Mom. The grandparents wanted to return to their hometown in WV, which I'll need to figure out.

The director of the summer camp where I spent 13 summers as a camper then counselor passed away a few years ago and was cremated. At her service on the camp grounds, we former campers and counselors were each given a little tin of her ashes to sprinkle in a spot somewhere around the camp that meant something special to each of us.


Me: BW (54)
Him: WH (61)
7/14/11 - Divorced

Posts: 1814 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: another world
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, January 5th (Sunday)

My father died four years ago on the 9th of this month. He absolutely LOVED New Orleans (aka Nawlins) and called it "the motherland." His wishes were for part of his remains to be put in the bay his house was on; the rest were to be scattered around Nawlins. And that's exactly what my sister and I did... we took a day, walked all around the French Quarter and scattered his ashes wherever moved us.

I never thought about the legalities of it until this thread but I'm pretty sure he was watching and smiling all the while.

I'm so sorry for your losses.

(((mom of 2)))

[This message edited by wildbananas at 6:26 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15382 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Cally60
Member
Member # 23437
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, January 5th (Sunday)

My buddy was told it was illegal and he scattered them anyway. It was his mother's last wish. No one called out the State Police.

I'm normally very law-abiding, but that's what I'd do, too.


Most people I've known who've scattered relatives' ashes have opted for fairly rural locations, with plenty of vegetation. First do no harm..... I don't see how ashes can be considered a health hazard in the wilds. And it's unlikely that so many people would simultaneously opt for the same location that it would become an eyesore. In this case, it seems to me that any law banning the practice is simply the triumph of cold-hearted bureaucracy over compassion.

So if it meant a lot to the bereaved, or to the person they'd lost, in this situation I'd definitely say "Hang bureaucracy" and I'd quietly take what I would, in all conscience, consider to be the right course of action.

I'm sorry you've lost your only siblings within such a sort space of time, Mom of 2. The losses must have been very hard to bear.

[This message edited by Cally60 at 7:05 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]


Posts: 2109 | Registered: Mar 2009
dghen
Member
Member # 11327
Default  Posted: 1:59 AM, January 6th (Monday)

Hi Momof2 when my mom passed away 10 yrs ago we were able for a nominal amt to purchase a permit to scatter her ashes per her request. My brother died on Dec 3 and that is what I think I am going to go and request a permit and scatter him as well by where he liked by Lake Meade. This is a hard time of the yr but I just keep telling myself it will get better.

Dghen


The minute you settle for less than you deserve you get even less than you settled for.
In the end people turn out to be, who they promised they wouldn't. Maureen Dowd

Its time for ME to be what I always wanted ME to be.


Posts: 1556 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Las Vegas NV
Topic Posts: 25