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Just Found Out
User Topic: One-night stand from 20 yrs ago confessed
AppalachianGal
Member
Member # 31672
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, January 3rd (Friday)

I've been on this site before, a few years ago, due to an EA between my H and co-worker. On 12/29/13, he confessed a ONS 3 yrs into our marriage, right after our son was born, with a bar whore that he bought a drink for and then took to a hotel and had sex with. He was forced into the confession because his sin has come back to haunt him and I really don't want to go into how, but let's just say its something I get to live with the rest of my life. What a disgusting thing. He seems very remorseful this time. I am truly lost. Its funny. I'm not angry. I am sad and hurt. I can't hate him. He is a broken, shell of a man. He admitted that he always has been. Has never known happiness and is severely depressed and suicidal.


BS (me) 41; WS, 44
DD#1- 09/07/10 secret cell found, texting ho-worker. Denies EA/PA
DD#2- 12/29/13 admitted ONS (1993) with bar slut 3 yrs into marriage
DD#3- 01/21/14 ho-worker from 2010 involved "one-time BJ."

Posts: 447 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: TN
painfulpast
Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, January 3rd (Friday)

Hello, and I'm sorry you find yourself here.

I do have a question - you say you don't want to get into it, but I cannot think of anything that just lays dormant for 20 years and suddenly decides to pop up.

Are you sure this was really 20 years ago?


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
AppalachianGal
Member
Member # 31672
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, January 3rd (Friday)

I'm going to my doctor soon, but yes, this can lay dormant for "decades" from everything I can find on it.


BS (me) 41; WS, 44
DD#1- 09/07/10 secret cell found, texting ho-worker. Denies EA/PA
DD#2- 12/29/13 admitted ONS (1993) with bar slut 3 yrs into marriage
DD#3- 01/21/14 ho-worker from 2010 involved "one-time BJ."

Posts: 447 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: TN
Crushed1
Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, January 3rd (Friday)

((((AppalachianGal)))) I'm sorry.


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9756 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, January 3rd (Friday)

Dammit all to hell. I am so bloody sorry.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4943 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Aspenstrong
Member
Member # 41394
Default  Posted: 3:17 AM, January 4th (Saturday)

I am so sorry for you. I hope he's getting professional help for his suicidal thoughts and that you have support too.


WS- Came to me and confessed ONS end of Oct 2013
Dec 2013-found out about 1 happy ending massage and various fishing on hookup sites that didn't pan out/
His heart changes and voluntary confession changed things for me... Waiting to see

Posts: 61 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Southwest
AppalachianGal
Member
Member # 31672
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, January 4th (Saturday)

I'm having a really bad day today. Up all night with the mind movies and constant thoughts of why, how, etc. The tears come from nowhere. I wouldn't wish this on my enemy. It is truly a form of hell.


BS (me) 41; WS, 44
DD#1- 09/07/10 secret cell found, texting ho-worker. Denies EA/PA
DD#2- 12/29/13 admitted ONS (1993) with bar slut 3 yrs into marriage
DD#3- 01/21/14 ho-worker from 2010 involved "one-time BJ."

Posts: 447 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: TN
Aspenstrong
Member
Member # 41394
Default  Posted: 12:09 AM, January 5th (Sunday)

((((((Appalachiangal)))))
I do hope you have support for you. You have a lot you are dealing with. I'm worried with your WH being suicidal that you might not be getting the help or support you need. Sadly and unfairly he's probably not going to be able to give it. Do you have a IC or a really trustworthy person you can turn to? My h's ONS was recent and I think it would be harder to deal with it years later- feeling he'd lied to me all that time. And if he was suicidal and I felt the need to take care of him on top of it?! I can't even imagine, as it is tough enough already.
This really is a kind of hell and I'm sad you are having to go through this.


WS- Came to me and confessed ONS end of Oct 2013
Dec 2013-found out about 1 happy ending massage and various fishing on hookup sites that didn't pan out/
His heart changes and voluntary confession changed things for me... Waiting to see

Posts: 61 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Southwest
AppalachianGal
Member
Member # 31672
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, January 5th (Sunday)

I don't have an IC currently. I have seen one in the past & we have went to MC in the past, before this recent confession.

I am having severe anxiety at the thoughts of STD testing. I used to work in a clinic. I was tougher than this. I've had blood drawn my entire life and never had a problem until 2010 when I was at work at the clinic and had really fast heart rate and chest pain, had to have a line placed, sent to ER by ambulance, etc. After that, anytime I have blood work, I totally freak out. I almost pass out. Its pathetic. I am obsessing over the STD testing that will need to be done. I'll be poked, prodded and humiliated. I'm afraid I will totally have a nervous breakdown in the office of my GYN. I'm scared.


BS (me) 41; WS, 44
DD#1- 09/07/10 secret cell found, texting ho-worker. Denies EA/PA
DD#2- 12/29/13 admitted ONS (1993) with bar slut 3 yrs into marriage
DD#3- 01/21/14 ho-worker from 2010 involved "one-time BJ."

Posts: 447 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: TN
AppalachianGal
Member
Member # 31672
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, January 13th (Monday)

Waiting to hear back from STD testing, go back to my GYN next week. What I was broke out in turned out NOT to be an STD, thank God. I still "feel" like something is going to turn up on the tests though. I feel I'm being lied to about other women. 2 weeks out and still in hell.


BS (me) 41; WS, 44
DD#1- 09/07/10 secret cell found, texting ho-worker. Denies EA/PA
DD#2- 12/29/13 admitted ONS (1993) with bar slut 3 yrs into marriage
DD#3- 01/21/14 ho-worker from 2010 involved "one-time BJ."

Posts: 447 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: TN
lemony.2008
Member
Member # 20125
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, January 13th (Monday)

((((AppalachianGal))))


Feel the feelings and drop the story. - Pema Chodron


Posts: 2243 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
iamsoblind42
Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, January 13th (Monday)

My WH admitted to 2 ONS 7 years ago Friday after I walked in on him having oral sex with my best friend while her husband watched in my home.

Oh yeah, it can get worse...

I feel your pain over the many years if lies if it really was just the 2 ONS 7 years ago and my best friend in a drunken stupor Friday night.

Mine only admitted to the ONS episodes after the horrid discovery Friday as I knew that could not have been a first time.

I kicked him out yesterday but can't stop checking my email, voicemail and text to see if he has tried to contact me.

I think he is trying to give me space and although I don't want to talk to him I want him begging and pleading.

{{{hugs}}}


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 209 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
AppalachianGal
Member
Member # 31672
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, January 13th (Monday)

Mine hasn't asked me to forgive him or anything. Says he has no right to ask such things from me after what he done. I'm not sure if that's the truth or if he just really doesn't give a crap either way. He does say that if he had his wish, I'd choose to reconcile. He is being patient with questions and with my breakdowns. He seems remorseful, but this is a man that is good at lying, obviously.


BS (me) 41; WS, 44
DD#1- 09/07/10 secret cell found, texting ho-worker. Denies EA/PA
DD#2- 12/29/13 admitted ONS (1993) with bar slut 3 yrs into marriage
DD#3- 01/21/14 ho-worker from 2010 involved "one-time BJ."

Posts: 447 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: TN
SSmile
Member
Member # 37696
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, January 13th (Monday)

((APPG)


I am so sorry! You seem to be doing very well under the circumstances. And yes I agree this is pure hell and to be traumatized again just sucks.My WH confessed his multiple ONS and some unprotected in one night!! I spent nearly a year in bed..I don't even know how i got thru it except my kids and god. I fear something will "pop up" in the future for me too and I still have that fear 15 months out. 2 ONS happened around our 1 yr anniversary. Our youngest was a baby. I prob will never understand the why's. THINKING OF YOU and sending you strength.


Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else
would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.
-unknown

Posts: 84 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 14