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User Topic: Outing the OW?
prowoman
Member
Member # 40761
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, January 4th (Saturday)

The OW became a part of mine/WH/my kids' lives as our babysitter. She is now sitting for a family in our area with 3 small children- I don't know the family. She seems to be their nanny, going with them on vacation, posts pics of herself with the kids etc. Do I warn the family (the wife?) about her?


me: BS 39 | stbxWH: 46
DD14, DS2
DDAY: Aug12... A continued "underground"
Separated Nov13 and Divorcing
OC Born May 14

Posts: 129 | Registered: Sep 2013
ArkLaMiss
Member
Member # 14918
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, January 4th (Saturday)

YES, absolutely! Nobody wants a person without morals or good judgement around their husband or kids!


Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

Posts: 1203 | Registered: Jun 2007
Waiting4Daylite
Member
Member # 36213
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, January 4th (Saturday)

^^^^^I agree to definitely out her. There is no way I would want someone like her around my kids.

Posts: 1846 | Registered: Jul 2012
TheAgonyOfIt
Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, January 4th (Saturday)

Yes.

Have proof with you.


Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Now homeless but getting it together. Necessary but difficult(!) transition! Sad sad sad but hopeful.

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
Whatever13
New Member
Member # 41468
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, January 4th (Saturday)

You're protecting another's family, and enjoying a little recompense as well. It's a win-win. Out her, in such humiliating fashion that she'll have no choice but to find a new career.

Stories like this make me happy.


Me (BS): 27
Her (WS): 25

DDay #1- 6/09 PA
DDay #2- 3/13 EA

Still riding the roller coaster of ambivalent limbo.


Posts: 28 | Registered: Nov 2013
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, January 4th (Saturday)

YES absolutely.


I believe that "outing" OW is a justified consequence of her actions, unless she truly did not know that she was involved with a MM.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Dec 2012
wanttogoforward
Member
Member # 29912
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, January 4th (Saturday)

Damn right I'd tell.... if the family has all the info they can make the decision... but if she is on the prowl and the wife thinks the nanny is too familiar or going to be an issue they will replace her.

Posts: 1184 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still lost
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, January 4th (Saturday)

Oh hell yes. If I were given proof, I would consider that to be a VERY friendly heads-up putting myself in the wife''s shoes. And her ass would be FIRED!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4949 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
ruby44
Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, January 4th (Saturday)

Wait...she is nannying for a family while pregnant with your WH's child and he is living with her? You just can't make this shit up! I would give a friendly warning to the wife. As a mom I would never want anyone like that caring for my kids. I would not give too many details except that she made poor decisions, had a problem with boundaries and took your husband as her own. That would do it. Always like a little rain in unicorn land. Know what happens when all the colors of the rainbow run together...it make the ugliest poop brown.
I would rain on that rainbow for sure.


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home.
Lies!

Posts: 277 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
meplusfour
Member
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 12:15 AM, January 5th (Sunday)

I would out the OW but I would make sure to have documented (hard copy) proof and stay as close to the facts as possible. Stay as neutral and as calm as possible with engaging in a character assassination. If this result as a termination of her employment, you do not want to be sued for libel or slander by the OW as a result of your actions.

I would also give the wife a copy of the movie "The Hand That Rocks the Cradle." Just kidding.


BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 387 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
prowoman
Member
Member # 40761
Default  Posted: 2:22 AM, January 5th (Sunday)

Wait...she is nannying for a family while pregnant with your WH's child and he is living with her? You just can't make this shit up!

Yes... tell me about it!

The proof I have is not really something I'm willing to show to a woman I don't know... It's not like I think she trolls around babysitting to find men to date (she came highly recommended to me). However I would like the heads up if I was the Mom of this new family.

Thanks to all for being my sounding board for whether I'm just being vindictive or this is legitimately something I should follow through with.


me: BS 39 | stbxWH: 46
DD14, DS2
DDAY: Aug12... A continued "underground"
Separated Nov13 and Divorcing
OC Born May 14

Posts: 129 | Registered: Sep 2013
devasted30
Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 5:09 AM, January 5th (Sunday)

You are not being vindictive. Follow this through. If it was you, would you want to know? I bet you answered YES!!!


And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1325 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
NeverAgain2013
Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, January 5th (Sunday)

Some folks don't take too kindly to women of questionable morals who not only have affairs with married men, but are stupid enough to get knocked up by them and then think that somehow makes them Mother of the Year.

I honestly don't know how ANY woman could tell her kid that it's father is some middle-aged married creep she was sleazing around with. I'd rather eat nails than visit that kind of shame on some innocent kid.

I'm sure this brood mare has painted herself as Mary Poppins to this family. I, personally, think they should be given the information about her so THEY can make an informed choice about whose spending the majority of the day with their kids. I somehow think they'll be LESS than enchanted when they hear.

Do it.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1819 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
slide095
Member
Member # 38716
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, January 5th (Sunday)

YES, omg.

I am usually much more on the fence than other people are regarding telling the OP spouse, I am not one who thinks you should always tell.
But in this case, hell yes, I think you should tell.


BW, 31, two young kids

One day at a time....


Posts: 58 | Registered: Mar 2013
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, January 5th (Sunday)

Even if you feel vindictive, out the ow. Even if you enjoy out ing her, out the ow.

No matter how you feel about what you're doing, it's a kindness to the other couple.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10384 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
fourever
Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, January 5th (Sunday)

Yes, tell them!

And, regarding slander, etc. That is only if the information supplied is untrue. Facts are facts. Fair game.

Hmmm, I wonder if your wxh supplied her background info and recommendation! I'd ask! Just out of curiosity of course….


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, January 5th (Sunday)

Yes, dear, please out her. You will be doing the family a service. They should have all the information about a person so close to their children and be able to make an informed decision. They may keep her as they figure she is already pregnant and with your WH, so she won't be on the prowl (?) for a new MM.

As far as slander and libel, puhleeze, the proof is right there in her belly. There is absolutely no slander or libel if stating facts.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 3:50 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
meplusfour
Member
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, January 5th (Sunday)

As far as slander and libel, puhleeze, the proof is right there in her belly. There is absolutely no slander or libel if stating facts.

I agree and that is why I suggested staying close to the facts. I only intended provide a warning. For example, calling her the "world's biggest slut" might cause some trouble as it is more of an opinion but telling the other family that their babysitter had sexual relations with your husband and is now likely pregnant with his child is a provable fact.

Although I would happy provide a second opinion that OW is the "world's biggest slut", but off the record only


BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 387 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
fourever
Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)

Prowoman, Curious of the outcome, if you don't mind me asking?


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
Kitty70
Member
Member # 41939
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)

Yes, I would. I am normally chicken-s when it comes to gossiping, but this isn't gossip. It's related to her morals and ability to do her job.


Me: BGF, 43
Him: WBF, 35
Together 9 years, moved in 8/15/2013

Posts: 98 | Registered: Jan 2014
Mama58
Member
Member # 41685
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)

Along a similar vein....how would you out an owner of a day care center that was having LTA with my BF, even doing the deed IN the day care center! The thought sickens me as it would any parent. That your child is possibly rolling around in their sex spots, just ewwwww. Also, sitting in her office having phone sex while the kiddos are running around!??

Posts: 61 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Ohio
Charity411
Member
Member # 41033
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)

I would absolutely let the other family know. Look at it this way. She was your employee. And she stole from you. If she stole a TV, or jewelry or anything else of value you probably wouldn't hesitate to give her new employer a heads up. So why wouldn't you do that because she stole your husband and wrecked your family life.

Posts: 389 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Illinois
fourever
Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, January 15th (Wednesday)

Mama58 id call the state for that one.


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
Topic Posts: 23