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User Topic: 1200+ messages in two weeks. What the actual...
Hurthalo
Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)

Trying to piece together my wife's affair history, and it turns out it started while I was away and deployed afterall. In two weeks she logged 1200 SMSs to this arse clown.

While I knew they were texting at the tine of the affair, I had no idea it was in this quantity. How do the wayward's actually hide this?!? On one day alone she sent 303. I can't even fathom the blatancy of it.

I guess the question is, has anyone else encountered such a bewildering amount of correspondence? It's almost mentally insane...

[This message edited by Hurthalo at 10:13 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 134 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
BAB61
Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)

Sorry to hear this .. My STBX fb messaged 1 of his OW over 3000 times in the space of 3 months and I thought THAT was excessive .. of course there were lots of texts and calls that I didn't know about since I was clueless at that point.

I noticed that you mentioned deployment, I was a milspouse for 22 years ... my WH used his deployments and TDY's the way your WW used yours ... smh

In any case, thank you for your service to your country! ((Hurthalo))


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
ruby44
Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)

What is she 12. Just proves that they need to maintain constant contact to keep it alive! Pathetic.


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home. We are slowly working toward that but are still

Posts: 263 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
Hurthalo
Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)

Thanks Bab61. My WW has been extremely remorseful and has been doing everything right so far in regards to R. But my biggest sticking point is that she could never tell me when the affair with the workmate started. It's always been 'I don't remember...it just crept up' and similar non-committal lines.

Today's investigation of her SMS records revealed it did start while I was away. You would have thought that was a pretty simple thing to answer wouldn't you?

It feels like yet more TT. I'm over it.


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 134 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
RealityStinks
Member
Member # 41457
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)

Hurt halo -
Yes, my WW would text that much on the weekend when I was around. I thought she was just on facebook. I have never looked to see the maximum number of texts in one day. The record phone call was 5 hours long while she was on a business trip.

Your WW texted a lot for sure, but you'll find it is not that uncommon. Sad, but true.

Hang in there man!


Posts: 414 | Registered: Nov 2013
MylarPineapples
Member
Member # 39570
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)

I can very much relate to this. I have NO idea how my H got anything at all done at work when he was CONSTANTLY texting during the day. One of the worst realizations for me was when I looked at my calendar and realized he had been texting OW #1 throughout a rare special "romantic" evening out with me. I couldn't figure out when he was doing it that I didn't notice him texting so much during the meal. It sucks to look back on those periods of time with the phone records in hand, I'm sorry.

[This message edited by MylarPineapples at 11:47 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]


Me: BS, Him: WH, 3 kids
8/08: EA with former neighbor
1/13: EA/Sexting with Coworker #1
6/13: Sexting with Coworker #2

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jun 2013
Hurthalo
Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 11:56 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)

On the day of my brother's wedding (2 days before I found out), she SMSed him over 100+ times.

What really infuriates me the most is that one weekend she stayed at her parents house in order to do a 'baby-free' university essay, she texted him from their place over 505 times in one weekend. Yeah, guess how much assignment she evidently got done.

I just can't fathom that many messages, I wouldn't even send that many in 6 months, let alone 2 days!!?!

In terms of the R, this isn't really telling me what I already didn't know, I mean part of the whole affair was that they were doing this to begin with. No surprises there. It's just having the itemised proof in front of your face is daunting to say the least. As my wife said, 'it was like we had started dating, that's what the build up was'. In no relationship have I EVER texted 500 times in 2 days. It's neurotic.

[This message edited by Hurthalo at 11:57 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 134 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
peoplepleaser
Member
Member # 41535
Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, January 8th (Wednesday)

Yeah, I was told my WS and the first AP texted over 4000 times in 6 weeks. Insane! When I read that she mentioned it was like dating, that made more sense. Since they have to hide it and aren't meeting in person (mine wasn't--I am pretty sure), the only contact they really have is by text. That might explain the exorbitant amount of texts. We've never done that because we haven't had to hide our relationships (more for EAs probably.) Just a thought.

It is devastating though. And when I first brought the frequency of texts to my WS I actually believed the lies she was telling me about what they were texting...until I did the math and realized that averages over 90 texts per day. There weren't that many the total of the second EA in 5 weeks.

Ick!


WS: 38--2 EAs
BS: 38--me, faithful
DS: 5
8 year relationship in R.
DDay #1: September 6, 2013 EA for 5 weeks August 2013.
DDay #2: January 2, 2014 EA for 6 weeks summer 2011.
"I am still learning." -Michelangelo

Posts: 512 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Midwest
Dreamland
Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 12:40 AM, January 8th (Wednesday)

So sorry... Yes it can be.. My fWH had 12000 texts/SMS over a six month period. I was in shock. He says he doesn't remember them. Oh and he sent emails too.
When they get addicted to that high of the other person it's unbelievable.
Sending hugs...


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
Hurthalo
Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 3:08 AM, January 8th (Wednesday)

Seems I'm not the lone ranger! Some of these texting marathons were done right under my nose. I just don't know how I didn't suspect it...and my bullshit radar is generally very good!

What's worse is that they suggest it's because they are dating exclusively by phone, which makes sense but begs the question: why were you trying to date a married f$#¸ing man when you yourself were married?!?!


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 134 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
PRNDL
Member
Member # 41927
Default  Posted: 5:29 AM, January 8th (Wednesday)

Welcome to the club. About a month before D-Day my WWF told me that I texted her too much at work. In reality, my texting to her had never changed.

After D-Day I learned (confession) that she was messaging back and forth so much on FB that my texts were getting in the way. Not to mention the 400 nude pic she sent him of herself.

When I got into her iphone, I found all the messages and texts.

Here is my favorite message she sent him. From my WWF to the OP about me..

"Don't worry, you have him beat in sexiness and everything else."

Thanks wife. That message is forever burned in my head.


BH: 35 (me)
WS: 30 / OM: 30
Son: 11
Affair: 1.5 year long 2012
ONS with stranger Feb 2013
D-day #1 March 2013
D-day #2 April 2013
D-day #3 Sept 2013
Affair continued.
Limbo 7 months
Moved out - 180D - NC
Divorced
She recently ended it with OM

Posts: 191 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Tampa Florida
scarednbroken
Member
Member # 41961
Default  Posted: 5:48 AM, January 8th (Wednesday)

My Wh logs over 10000 txt a month. If you put it in perspective a "k" or "yes" is one txt and doesn't take long. Also he was good at hiding in the bathroom and he would txt in the bed right next to me "eBay." He also entertained several women incoming txt count as one. If you have a teen you can see how easy it is to rack them up.

As far as why? One of my Wh's txt about sums it up... "It's is such a high knowing that our spouses don't know we are doing this. It's so taboo." It is like a drug and they can't stop. In think it is why my Wh won't quit and doesn't want a D. The taboo goes away. The high is gone.

PRNDL: the sexiness isn't looks or actions. It's the "adventure" I have several pics of the other women (plural). And several are not prettier or sexier or younger looking than me (it took a long time for me to come to that conclusion). They are just not allowed.


BS: Me 44 WH: 50 Kids: 13, 15, 17, 28 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

Posts: 417 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
CATransplant
Member
Member # 39567
Default  Posted: 6:30 AM, January 8th (Wednesday)

I am sure that my H texted all day long. He racked up over 400 texts a day, not to mention the photos he sent or the phone calls from his phone or the calls from his business phone. All to one low life who was considered a model employee. Boy wouldn't their company love to know what their employees are doing with company time. She was even bold enough to suggest sex in his office. The only thing that stopped them was the fact that the office had video cameras. Just my luck. LOL

Posts: 107 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
staystrong101
Member
Member # 41068
Frustrated  Posted: 7:26 AM, January 8th (Wednesday)

Hurthalo, Yes I understand the pain and the unimaginable bertayal. My WH texted OW#1 80 - 100 times/day for about 5 years. It's disgusting, and I feel like a fool that he did this right in front of me and I didn't know. We would joke about how he was always on his phone. He told me it was for work and I believed him. I praised him for working so hard for our family. He brought me all his phone records (work phone) when he was trying to R with me. I could see many times we were out to dinner, on family vacations, Mother's day brunch, a special weekend away, etc. when he talked to her the entire time. On the weekend there was a break while we had sex in the hotel, but he texted her right after. He said that was one of their turn-ons, describing the sex they had w their spouses.

One night we had a romantic dinner out - wine, candles, holding hands at times, etc. and he was texting her the whole time. He went to the restroom and was gone a long time. I was concerned about him, that the red wine and red sauce were affecting his stomach again. (He never had stomach issues, this was a common excuse for several years when he needed to leave the table to call one of his OW. I was such a fool.) So after dinner he wanted to go to a particular bar for one drink. When we got there, OW #2 was there. I knew her from church/kids school. She would often just happen to show up where we were. So WH was not only texting OW#1, but he was also texting OW#2 during our dinner. He said it was such an ego boost that he could tell OW#2 where we would be, and she would show up. He said the texts with OW #1 were often sexting, but also just every day things like what he's having for lunch, etc. He started getting annoyed with it, but he didn't want to let go of the sexting so he kept it up. Very strange. I D him. He isn't openly with any of the OW now. He probably is still secretly seeing OW#1, but she is married. I still can't believe he did this to us and to our family.


Posts: 71 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United States
33years
Member
Member # 41053
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, January 8th (Wednesday)

Phone calls and text messages (all deleted of course) were how I discovered my WH A The phone bill is in my name so I have easy access to it. Unfortunately he has come up with alternate method of contact that I cannot track. I do believe the 1200+ messages in two weeks is unreal. How can anyone have that much time on their hands? I hope the best for you although I don't have much advice. It's a sad state to be in.


Me (BS) 58
Him (WH) 57
DD July 10, 2013
My Motto: "I'm fairly certain that nothing anymore is certain"

Posts: 72 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Middle of USA
64fleet
Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, January 8th (Wednesday)

I thought 300 in 10 days was bad-I wondered how she got any work done. And my fWW cannot remember the content of any of them. Textbook, IMO.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5386 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Twitchy
Member
Member # 25393
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, January 8th (Wednesday)

Not text. WW didn't have text at the time. But...

Emails at home
emails at work
FB messages
FB chat
Yahoo chat
MS Messenger

I couldn't help but notice the distance growing between us. It's a wonder she had time to talk to me at all. There wasn't an hour stretch when she was at home where she didn't have her laptop in her hands unless she was asleep.


BH(me)-49, FWW-43,
D-Day #1 - Oct 2007 - On-Line EA leading to a failed rendez-vous
D-Day #2 - Nov 2008 - In person EA caught early.

Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins.
If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Lightfoot


Posts: 611 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Ontario - Canada
kra127
Member
Member # 41045
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, January 8th (Wednesday)

Yup on dday alone WH texted the OW 30+ times. They were in contact for almost 2 months so you figure that's almost 2000 texts during that time. That doesn't even take into account the actual phone calls either. I'd love to let the OW's superiors in the military know how much work time she was wasting texting my WH.


Me 40
WS 39
2 young kids, Married 10 yrs
OW 22, admitted to EA and then TT to PA two weeks later. Also, found out about several "friends".
Dday 10/8/13
Divorcing

Posts: 84 | Registered: Oct 2013
Hurthalo
Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)

Staystrong: It takes a special kind of narcissist to have the OW show up at your dates. Unbelievable.

Well guys and girls, it appears this kind of behaviour is textbook afterall. My WW tried ibitially to blame the affair on myself 'exiting the marriage'. There's only one person who exited the marriage I'm afraid! Not to mention the fact that an affair that I was told for the last two months since d-day was only '6 weeks long' has now been revealed to be pushing 4 months before it was discovered by OMW. Not even back to work 2 months from maternity leave and she was already trying to date a married man. If it wasn't so soul destroying it would actually be funny.

[This message edited by Hurthalo at 1:24 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)]


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 134 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
shatteredapart
Member
Member # 41978
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)

I found out by noticing on our cell bill that he was averaging over 6,000 texts a month. I tracked it back from August until March/April. I couldn't locate March's bill. Prior to that he was averaging 1,200. There were tons of picture messages too that he claims were nothing sexual. He admitted to sometimes texting her for hours at night while he was sitting right next to me! Now that's messed up.
I could only see 2 1/2 weeks of phone records for calls to her but those averaged to be 90 minutes a day, mostly while he was working. Weekends he spoke to her after he went to the gym on Saturdays or would leave the room to take a "work call". Also, during those 2 weeks we were on vacation for a week and there was a holiday weekend in there so I imagine that a normal month was much higher. It sickens me. We had an old friends and family plan from Verizon at the time. He actually had me add her number after going over his allotted minutes and paying an extra $150 one month and $390 the next. I wish I had thought to check the bill then.


Me-BS
Him-WS
EA(PA?) 10 months with COW
3 ddays-Sept '13, Oct '13, Dec '13
Attempting Reconciliation...time and actions will tell

Posts: 118 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
silentscream13
Member
Member # 41693
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)

I hacked my WH Facebook account while he was currently chatting with the OW. They were discussing if they were busted or not. Dumb asses.


ME: BS- 39; HIM: WS - 40 (lostmymind13)
OW: TechnicallyMarriedEx-GF - 47
Sexting,OEA/NO PA (but was planning it before he got caught)
D-day - 11-14-13
Together: Almost 18 years; Married: Almost 15 years
4 Children
Apologies: I edit. Often.

Posts: 213 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Nowhere and Everywhere
spond
Member
Member # 41686
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)

yea... my WW sent over 6.7k to the AP in 2 months and a few days.

I used to beat myself up for not seeing earlier.


BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling

Posts: 360 | Registered: Dec 2013
RyanCL
New Member
Member # 41959
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)

When my WS had his affair in 2010 he and his little thing sent over 1000 texts in two weeks. At the time this was going on I was completely clueless then when he came clean and I discovered all the text I was dumbfounded.I mean how could I have missed this? And he was never the type of person to hide his phone or lock it. I used it all the time because I constantly miss place mine and never saw anything. So how often was he deleting and where the he'll was I when he was doing all this texting? I have no clue how they pull it off or where they get the time. But it seems if they put their mind to it they can become Houdini!


BS: me 28 female
WH: 30 male
Married 6 years together 8
Two amazing boys and a perfect princess!
Dday 1: September 21st 2010
Dday 2: January 2nd 2014

Posts: 50 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: arizona
velvethammer
Member
Member # 40437
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)

I think my WBF takes the prize on this one. I calculated they were on the phone - texting and calling - for over 9 days in a 21 day period. That's not including Facebook messages, emails and/or text pics sent (those were in another place on our bill). There were days when they took an hour to sleep in the middle of the night and then started right back up again. I, to this day, am amazed he didn't lose his job or cause an accident.

During the trickle truth/discovery period when I was going over all of the phone records, I actually found a time or two when he took 4 minutes to respond to a text from her and I questioned the hell out of him on it. "Why did it take you so long to respond?" How nuts is that? They were so obsessive that when it took him a few minutes to respond, I'm obsessed with why? All of this is crazy making.

Sending you strength.


Posts: 110 | Registered: Aug 2013
Hurthalo
Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)

Wow, some of these stories are insane. I keep beating myself up over how I missed this level of activity. On the records, my WW would appear to engage in a flurry of activity at the local shops. 'Honey I'll just quickly run to the supermarket' seems to take on a whole new meaning in retrospect.

The thing that makes me angry is that I KNEW something wasn't right, but I trusted my wife implicitly when she told me they were work related. They must have been deleting threads as they got them, and evidently were very adept at it. The funny thing is, they both only got caught after the OMW found a screenshot of one of my wife's texts in the gallery on his phone. Thousands of texts, and he got caught by getting sentimental over wanting to keep one where my wife told him 'he missed the shit out of him, even when he was in meetings.' What an idiot.

I also realised today too that she brought OM to a coffee break we both managed to have together months back. Judging by the revised dates, they were fully involved in an EA at this point. Talk about rubbing it in my face.

[This message edited by Hurthalo at 4:56 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)]


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 134 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
nomoredreams
New Member
Member # 41907
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)

For the month of December, mw WH sent his just a friend 2000 texts. Bear in mind that I woke him at 12:30 am the 15th with the proof I had been hunting for and insisted one final no contact texts to her. I have been watching. He sent her one on the 16th bright and early. He "doesn't remember" it. Right. The day before, they called each other 39 times.

But that is alright because he did call me one time that day.

They texted and called more than my teenager with a new girlfriend. Pathetic.


Posts: 42 | Registered: Jan 2014
trojan007
Member
Member # 36960
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)

Hurthalo hey buddy sorry that your here. It's has to make you think it's reconcile even possible, How do you think she can just turn off her feeling for the OM because she got caught. I don't know. I would proceed with caution. And that's the bad part you're always in the back your mind, Is she really going to store, how do I know she won't do this again with someone new. being so early in our relationship, if you read on here Women tend to do this in their 40s more often. That is what would be on my mind. I guess some people are just broken. Feel for you good luck

Posts: 56 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Valencia, CA 91355
Dyokemm
New Member
Member # 40254
Default  Posted: 2:05 AM, January 9th (Thursday)

And the TT just keeps coming.

She has not failed to use it ONCE in this entire debacle.

Now you know it started 4 months sooner.

And you were deployed away.

I'd say the chances this was not a PA are dwindling fast HurtHalo.

I feel for you.

I know you said polys are not common in Australia,but I think you are at the point where you have to file for D and tell her the only way it stops is she voluntarily takes a poly and passes, as you are tired of the constant lying and TT.

And tell her refusing to do it will count as an admission in your book so it will be straight to D.


Posts: 44 | Registered: Aug 2013
Hurthalo
Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 2:40 AM, January 9th (Thursday)

Dyokemm: I already know it was a PA, and have done from the start as they were canoodling in parks. She (and he) claim they didn't have sex, and that it was purely emotional with a bit of making out.

Hmmmm.....

[This message edited by Hurthalo at 2:43 AM, January 9th (Thursday)]


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 134 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
totalheartbreak
Member
Member # 41589
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, January 9th (Thursday)

My WW ramped up her texting activity dramatically.
She didn't believe me when we'd argue about how long she spent on her phone until I went through the bills and put together this little chart. As far as I can tell, it doesn't include iMessage texts... I can tell you that from Mar 2012 - Oct 2013, the SMS DB says there were ~59k total messages on the iPhone.

[This message edited by totalheartbreak at 9:55 AM, January 9th (Thursday)]


Me: BH (30s)
Wayflost: WW (30s)
"Ever notice those that advocate anything for 'happiness' are perennially unhappy?"

Posts: 121 | Registered: Dec 2013
crazynot
Member
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, January 9th (Thursday)

It's such a constant thing, this. When my WH was at home with us (having agreed, under protest, to keep the 'relationship' under wraps until my daughter finished her exams), she texted him at least once ever 5 minutes and all night too. And he of course replied. They use this to tell themselves that this incredible urge for non-stop contact proves their love... but as I've found in the 4 years since we split up that real, free people in relationships don't text each other every minute... whatever, it's a horrible feeling for the BS.


Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.


Posts: 842 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
bobf
Member
Member # 41412
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, January 9th (Thursday)

I was completely clueless about the email and online chat my wife was doing. In a sad but comforting way it's good to see others were just as clueless about their spouses activity. It makes me feel less like a chump as I guess a trusting spouse would never suspect their spouse to be wayward so why look for it?

[This message edited by bobf at 10:13 AM, January 9th (Thursday)]


Me: BH early 50s
Her: fWW late 40s (kmom2662)
7 Wk OEA, Skype, Cyber
DDay 10-4-13
Married 20+ years
Currently in R

Posts: 142 | Registered: Nov 2013
totalheartbreak
Member
Member # 41589
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, January 9th (Thursday)

I actually believed she was playing Candy Crush the whole time. I had no idea she was texting. I feel like such an idiot.


Me: BH (30s)
Wayflost: WW (30s)
"Ever notice those that advocate anything for 'happiness' are perennially unhappy?"

Posts: 121 | Registered: Dec 2013
demos
Member
Member # 35660
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, January 9th (Thursday)

A word of warning for those monitoring SMS text messages. SMS has quickly become the MySpace of social networking. In large part due to SMS are trackable by phone companies. The 3rd party apps are not and won't show up on your phone bill. Not even in your data usage, assuming there is wifi available. The 3rd party apps send via wifi. So if you're looking for SMS texts it is very possible you're looking in the wrong place.

My point is that if you're simply relying on the phone bill to show you data usage or text message counts ...... that's not good enough. A simple google search will teach even the technologically challenged the easy steps to communicating via phone that can't be tracked. Look for apps that are password protected. Or apps with unique user ID's or profiles. These apps often have privacy settings that won't even show a notification that a message has been sent. You could be looking at their phone while they receive texts for AP and you wouldn't see it. These apps will also have their own password independent of any pass code that the is on the phone itself.

[This message edited by demos at 10:48 AM, January 9th (Thursday)]


Posts: 153 | Registered: May 2012
Lovedyoumore
Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, January 9th (Thursday)

My H went from around 1000 texts a month to 4000. Combine that with FB chat, google chat, emails, landline calls from office and hours of cell calls per month, how in the hell did they get anything else done. You know how I knew when they were together during this time? No phone call minutes meant they were together. My husbands position allowed him to come and go at will. He was go, go, go.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1398 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, y'all.
velvethammer
Member
Member # 40437
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, January 9th (Thursday)

totalheartbreak - my WBF's first AP started through Words with Friends. There's a chat function on there and they would message each other "sexy" crap while they were playing.

demos - can you explain further? Where should we look for SMS messages?


Posts: 110 | Registered: Aug 2013
velvethammer
Member
Member # 40437
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, January 9th (Thursday)

Also, I find it amazing how much time and energy they put into the affairs when they could've been oh I don't know, focussing on the relationships they already had?

Posts: 110 | Registered: Aug 2013
totalheartbreak
Member
Member # 41589
Angry  Posted: 11:24 AM, January 9th (Thursday)

velvethammer - i am also aware of that... i dug through there too...
pretty much every game now has a chat function....


Me: BH (30s)
Wayflost: WW (30s)
"Ever notice those that advocate anything for 'happiness' are perennially unhappy?"

Posts: 121 | Registered: Dec 2013
Coachdig10
Member
Member # 41706
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

I started to count and then gave up. Too many over a 4 month span, but it was all innocent and nothing inappropriate was said so drop it. The countless hours on the phone was innocent as well. And just like many of you, right under my nose. What an idiot I am.


BS- 42
WS- 36
Married 16
Kids- 3
DDay 1/17/13

Posts: 52 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: California
Betrayed67
Member
Member # 38134
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

Hurthalo, you are not alone.

My WH was on various dating websites, bought a secret phone and texted all his online girlfriends from April 2012-Dec 2012. AFAIK, that was how long he texted them (yes multiple!)- right under my nose. He swears he never met any of them. He threw the phone away when he decided he got "bored" with his online activities. I never saw the messages. Part of me still wishes I saw the messages exchanged. I guess that God was sparing me the pain from reading intimate messages.

[This message edited by Betrayed67 at 4:19 PM, January 9th (Thursday)]


Me-BW 46 yo;Him - WH 53 yo
Married 13years
One daughter together 9yo, 2 stepchildren(His from previous marriage)
Various DDdays (see my profile)
ONS and multiple "friendships" with women in various online dating sites

Posts: 131 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New Zealand
Lovedyoumore
Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

I gave him the print out and told him to count the text messages and add up the minutes. Maybe humbling but astounding at the same time. He needed to face the entirety of his A.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1398 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, y'all.
MindMonkey
Member
Member # 41679
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

demos brings up a great point. SMS is going the way of the dinosaur.

My Ws first A in 2007 was all about SMS. She was stoopid because we didn't have an unlimted plan since we really only texted eachother and a few friends. After I got a phone bill that was three times more than normal, it was pretty obvious what was happening.

Now the second one...iPhone, words with friends, Facebook, iMessage. There wasn't a single SMS text on the phone bill with OM.

The number of messages isn't as surprising as the times. They routinely messaged until 4 am. Loser much?


BH, 35, CoD, Military...sober since 6/17/14
FWW, EA/PA (x2) different OM coworkers
Reconciling since 8/1/13
100% ready to file at next dealbreaker...don't test me.

Posts: 209 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: NoVA
Hurthalo
Member
Member # 41782
Shocked  Posted: 4:05 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

Betrayed: I think you were spared reading them. My WW said some horrible shit about me to the OM about me and our marriage, the majority of which was fabricated to validate their own filthy affair. My WW even mentioned how she had thought about what taking his last name would be like (while dithering for 18 months to actually changing to her actual married name)...

Yeah I don't feel like a consolation prize at all.


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 134 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
Betrayed67
Member
Member # 38134
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

Hurthalo, 'gday mate. Just realized we are neighbors. I am from NZ.

Yes, I'd like to think I was spared the pain...not that the pain I went through would be any less.

All the best to you. It is a hard road ahead for you. Until today, 4 days shy of my DDday anniversary, I still find it very hard to get my head around my WH's frame of find at the time of his infidelities. I still have times when I doubt his commitment even after pledging that he loves me and has always loved me, even during the course of his online cheating, and one time(according to him) extra marital sexual indiscretion.

[This message edited by Betrayed67 at 4:29 PM, January 9th (Thursday)]


Me-BW 46 yo;Him - WH 53 yo
Married 13years
One daughter together 9yo, 2 stepchildren(His from previous marriage)
Various DDdays (see my profile)
ONS and multiple "friendships" with women in various online dating sites

Posts: 131 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New Zealand
trojan007
Member
Member # 36960
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

Wow buddy, I don't know if I could handle being with her after what you just posted. Just knowing her being intimate with him is horrible. But to add insult to injury wanting to take the other man's name. Rewriting your marital history. And talking bad about you. I don't know how you can try to reconcile. The mind movies of them having sex and then right after that, I would be thinking about what she said in her e-mails to the OM. "Dealbreaker"

Posts: 56 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Valencia, CA 91355
Hurthalo
Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

Trojan: They never had sex thank goodness, but it was headed that way I think despite her saying they didn't want to. It's about the only thing that has saved her.


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 134 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
foolishlycluless
Member
Member # 41404
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

Let me join this club. They were texting from 3,000-5,500 times per month, talking 15-25 hours per month, and video chatting - over an 18 month period. Ergo, my User Name. I had no clue.

This was just what I found from his cell phone records. He even bought a new cell phone so that he could text with her! I'm sure that he also used his business cell and his business telephone. I'm sure they emailed too, but I haven't been able to crack that one yet.

And as a previous poster noted, the gaps in texting that coincide with his business travel are, I'm sure, when they were actually meeting.

I'm supposed to get his timeline next week when we meet with our counselor, so I guess I'll know for sure then.


BW 55
WH 59
M 30 yrs, together 33 yrs, no children.
D-Day #1: 9/23/2013, EA 15+ months, PA with 34 YO business assoc
D-Day #2: 11/27/2013, OW, EA for 2-3 yrs (2005-2007), PA
D-Day #3: 6/6/2014, found the sex video
Status: Putting on my bitch bo

Posts: 107 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Washington DC
Dyokemm
New Member
Member # 40254
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

HurtHako,

Yeah I know you discovered they were making out.

I should have been more clear on what I meant about PA.

After all this TT'ing, I would no longer believe a word that came out of her or POS's mouth about not having sex.

When I said the chances were dwindling that it wasn't PA, I meant that IMO it was dwindling that they never had sex during those rendezvous in the parks.


Posts: 44 | Registered: Aug 2013
Hurthalo
Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

Dyoke: Yeah I hear that mate, but she has told me repeatedly that she is so adamant sex/oral didn't happen that she'd go for a poly.....and would trust his poly as well.

Judging from some of his emails to her post D-Day where he was begging her not to ignore him, his main complaint was 'now we'll never be able to explore the physical stuff'. Boo fucking hoo.

[This message edited by Hurthalo at 10:43 PM, January 9th (Thursday)]


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 134 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
mike7
Member
Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 12:06 AM, January 10th (Friday)

does she genuinely feel shame for the lies she said about you?

does she want to take your name now?

how do you get over this? How can you respect her? Have you asked her this?

Has she faced any consequences? Because if she hasn't, you're in for a rough ride. You two have a toddler for heaven's sake!


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 516 | Registered: Mar 2013
Landoes
Member
Member # 40222
Default  Posted: 1:26 AM, January 10th (Friday)

WGF had over 800 lines of text at work, and she only worked for 2 hours at that job. I never got a MSG from her while I was working etc.
The effort they put it to cheating is amazing.

Posts: 63 | Registered: Aug 2013
Hurthalo
Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 3:56 AM, January 10th (Friday)

Mike7: It has been hard. I went in full guns blazing post D-Day; I had seen a lawyer, emailed their work supervisor, had moved out, told both our parents, and was working with the OMW to shut their bullshit down and work out their lies. My WW had an affair fog of about 4 days before she realised what was at stake and dumped OM like a hot pie. He tried in vain to cling on and my wife to her eventual credit spurned him and told him effectively that the game was over. He was also sent an NC letter, and I personally warned him that if he ever tried to contact my wife again, I'd walk into his work and put his head through a table.

As for my wife, she has now finally done the paperwork to finally formalise taking her married name, we are going to MC and she is having IC. She is mortified that she has done this, and admitted that by compartmentalising the affair, she didn't realise what was at stake until it was too late.

There's no excuse of course, and I have D paperwork ready to go if I feel appropriate effort isn't being made. I'm still angry as hell.


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 134 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
trojan007
Member
Member # 36960
Default  Posted: 4:15 AM, January 10th (Friday)

Hurthalo you need to know she had an affair behind your back. I'd have to say she's capable of lying. Really if her lips are moving she's lying. Don't be so na´ve this woman your wife completely betrayed you. Don't be surprised if you find out later on it was a PA.
But I wouldn't worry about that so much. My opinion I would really worry about those emails. The information you discovered about your wife real intentions. You think she just wrote all that just for fun. I believe she meant every word of that. You discovered her true intentions. She gets caught oh honey I didn't really mean that. Come on you have to face reality here. I mean really please tell us what was her excuse was. Please don't get played by this person who made a conscious decision to hurt you. For me PA or not I personally wouldn't be worried about that so much. I would be definitely worried what she wrote in those emails. I hope you do the right thing buddy. And I understand it's hard you're in love with her. Good luck buddy keep posting

Posts: 56 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Valencia, CA 91355
Gemstone
Member
Member # 42000
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, January 10th (Friday)

Hi,

I'm new here, hope you don't mind me having an input. In amongst all my anger and hurt at my H texting to another woman, is the anger at myself, any one else feel this, I KNEW something wasn't right, he had gone from never really using his mobile, to getting an Iphone and never being off it, wouldn't give me his password or let me use it cos he said 'you know what you are like with technology'

he was on it all evening/night and when I asked he would say he was on ebay or just checking for emails and texts. I can't believe that I let it slide and didn't insist on accesing the phone myself or checking the itemised bill, she wasn't on Iphone at the beginning so all texts did show on it. I was so trusting of him it makes me sick. I will NEVER be so trusting again, but i dont like the person this has turned my into


Posts: 97 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: United Kindgdon
DLP50
Member
Member # 40232
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, January 10th (Friday)

My WH was texting the day before and day of my mom's memorial service!


Me BS-50ish
WH (not according to him)- 50ish
M - 18 yrs together 21
No kids together- DD and DS from my 1st marriage
5 Beautiful GD's

Posts: 57 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Out West
Gemstone
Member
Member # 42000
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, January 10th (Friday)

DLP50

The more I read on this site, the more I realise the depths of selfishness these betrayers have. They are so wrapped into what they need/want thay they really dont give a care at all for anyone else.

So sorry that you had to learn how little support you were getting when you needed it.

I hope you are taking care of yourself.


Posts: 97 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: United Kindgdon
HighSticked
New Member
Member # 41557
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, January 10th (Friday)

So sad to see how many of us have been hurt so deeply by this. My wife and her "friend" texted over 7,000 messages in 3 months. I'm glad it was just a simple "friendship" and nothing more serious..... She wrote a NC letter and says it's over but I don't believe it. I was able to read the last few hundred of their messages and see how emotionally charged it was/is. I am still monitoring the account, but they know it and have probably moved to other methods to keep up their relationship. I'm not trying to monitor them anymore and feel that if it's still going on that I'll find out eventually and then it'll be over. As you an imagine, to text 7,000 times in 3 months, they were on the phone at all hours of the day and night.


Madhatters
I broke her heart and spirit in Jan, 2010.
She broke my heart in Nov 2013.
DD - 16
DS - 14
DD - 12
DS - 8
Wanting to R but doubtful it will work

Posts: 43 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Western USA
foolishlycluless
Member
Member # 41404
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, January 10th (Friday)

I was so trusting of him it makes me sick.

^^^^^^ THIS ^^^^^^^

I didn't think I had a reason NOT to trust him. I don't think that I'll ever be able to trust him again, and it hurts terribly.


BW 55
WH 59
M 30 yrs, together 33 yrs, no children.
D-Day #1: 9/23/2013, EA 15+ months, PA with 34 YO business assoc
D-Day #2: 11/27/2013, OW, EA for 2-3 yrs (2005-2007), PA
D-Day #3: 6/6/2014, found the sex video
Status: Putting on my bitch bo

Posts: 107 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Washington DC
trojan007
Member
Member # 36960
Default  Posted: 4:49 AM, January 12th (Sunday)

Hey buddy I hope everything is okay please keep posting let us know how you doing

Posts: 56 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Valencia, CA 91355
Whatdoido333
Member
Member # 36597
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, January 12th (Sunday)

I never counted the actual texts but when they were deep into the A it was texting on and off from 6AM until 1AM everyday. I had no idea until I had a feeling and picked up his phone and saw some texts. Then I went back and checked the phone bill.

He even got a private phone and told me it was for work. He hid it in his car. I picked it up one day and looked at the contacts OW1 and OW2 only. oW2 is 30 years younger than he is.
now with iMessage and all the apps it's impossible to track, but I rarely bother looking anymore. just gets me upset. They still communicate but not as much, at least I don't think so.
They still work together so I can imagine what's going on. Every morning he leaves home to go to his job in the 3 person office...him, OW and some other guy. Would love to talk to that guy


Posts: 117 | Registered: Aug 2012
Whatdoido333
Member
Member # 36597
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, January 12th (Sunday)

I never counted the actual texts but when they were deep into the A it was texting on and off from 6AM until 1AM everyday. I had no idea until I had a feeling and picked up his phone and saw some texts. Then I went back and checked the phone bill.

He even got a private phone and told me it was for work. He hid it in his car. I picked it up one day and looked at the contacts OW1 and OW2 only. oW2 is 30 years younger than he is.
now with iMessage and all the apps it's impossible to track, but I rarely bother looking anymore. just gets me upset. They still communicate but not as much, at least I don't think so.
They still work together so I can imagine what's going on. Every morning he leaves home to go to his job in the 3 person office...him, OW and some other guy. Would love to talk to that guy


Posts: 117 | Registered: Aug 2012
Hurthalo
Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, January 12th (Sunday)

My full story is in another thread but I found out more info today from OMW. She has used a program to bring up their SMS history and found that she caught them in the nick of time: my WW and her WH were planning an overnight work trip on 20 Nov 13...a trip that didn't happen because obviously they got caught. In my mind this refutes her claims that the affair wasn't ever 'about sex' and that 'she never wanted that.'

She also has denied emphatically that they have ever sexted...to which I replied that she had better come clean lest I read the text logs and found out that also a lie. She admitted after some minimalising (oh it was only 'allusions and innuendo') that yes, this had occured.

And the rage/anger starts again. Looks like I am back at square one.

[This message edited by Hurthalo at 4:28 PM, January 12th (Sunday)]


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 134 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
Dyokemm
New Member
Member # 40254
Default  Posted: 3:45 AM, January 13th (Monday)

HurtHalo,

Sorry to hear that the TT continues and your pain keeps getting refreshed.

It sucks.

I still think you are eventually gonna find out their trysts were sexual in the park.

That message you saw from him whining about how now they were not gonna be able to explore the physical side of things isn't conclusive to me they had done nothing to that point, especially now you know about the planned overnight.

There are a lot of things they probably couldn't try in their afternoon quickies in public places, and they were saving those for the hotel or another opportunity to be alone in private.

It could be the loss of those plans he's crying about.

If the TT didn't just keep coming at you in waves here, I might be inclined to say your WW was telling the truth about there being no sex during their park adventures.

But the fact that she is still hiding things and only revealing when you or OMW finds incontrovertible proof of the lies, tells me that their is still more to come and this is unfortunately probably one of the next discoveries you are going to make,


Posts: 44 | Registered: Aug 2013
Hurthalo
Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 3:54 AM, January 13th (Monday)

Dyokemm: My wife said she'd happily take a poly to prove they didn't have sex. I'm guessing she didn't bank on me possibly asking the question 'were you planning on having sex in the very near future?'

[This message edited by Hurthalo at 3:55 AM, January 13th (Monday)]


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 134 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
Dyokemm
New Member
Member # 40254
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, January 13th (Monday)

HurtHalo,

You might want to consider taking her up on that offer.

I've seen this several times on other forums I visit.

Often, its a bluff by the WS.

They think that by agreeing to take it, the BS will back off.

I've read many stories where the WS finally confessed on the way to or in the parking lot when they saw that the test would indeed happen.


Posts: 44 | Registered: Aug 2013
trojan007
Member
Member # 36960
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, January 13th (Monday)

Hey buddy she's an officer in Australia's Armed Forces. Do they have a problem with her infidelity. and that it took place well she was on duty, she supposed to show a position of leadership and integrity and now with her character in question. You would think she would be reprimand. I know they do that in the US Armed Forces. Anyways I feel for you buddy you're going to have to ask yourself if you're willing to live with this knowing what she's capable of doing. Divorce might be the way to go. Whatever you do just keep posting buddy

[This message edited by trojan007 at 12:14 PM, January 13th (Monday)]


Posts: 56 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Valencia, CA 91355
focusupward
New Member
Member # 42008
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, January 13th (Monday)

My most memorable timing of a text by my WW to her OM during A#1 was while I was laying on the urologist's operating chair getting snippy snipped while she waited in the waiting room. Was totally lambasted when I was checking the phone records and saw this one........is there no shame?? Very broken soul indeed, hopefully she is finally getting the help she needs.


ME - 44
WW - 31
DDAY#1 - 11/15/10 - EA
DDAY#2 - 5/11/13 - PA

Suffering builds perseverance, perseverance character and character hope.


Posts: 37 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
dmg35
New Member
Member # 41552
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, January 13th (Monday)

My WW had over 1200 texts in two weeks

Posts: 34 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: north east
Topic Posts: 68