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User Topic: I can't stop crying
Joanh
Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)

I can't, it won't stop , I can't stop shaking,


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 435 | Registered: Apr 2013
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)

Breathe Joan.

Be here right now in this moment.

What happened?


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

I edit often because I make a lot of typos. ☺️


Posts: 1499 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)

I hear you Joanh.

Slow your breathing. Concentrate on just the next breath.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6290 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Joanh
Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)

The sad truth the loss the pain I cause , the failure, the reality,

the reality it sounds like my children knew more than I thought and how much they would have been confused. putting myself in his shoes.

The failure to protect the ones I love from me.

The failure , the fact I broke him, and no logic no, he has to heal himself, none of that makes a difference because he didn't choose this, I did.

And I think of all the things he tried to do to show me love. And even though the Ic says that they may not been meeting my needs. I think it all bullshit. Its me. And my family is in danger being with me.

THe pain in his voice, his want to be better, I made that I gave him that. For what a thrill a fix No FOO or CSA will ever explain that I am an adult and I failed life and I failed them. and now their broken


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 435 | Registered: Apr 2013
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)

Cry it out Joan. But don't give in to the despair.

You didn't break him. He's hurt, not destroyed. He can heal from this. You can help him.

Your kids have been harmed too. They can learn grace and strength in overcoming adversity. You can help them to have a better childhood and life because you are willing to face down your FOO issues and the pain from your CSA.

No, FOO and CSA aren't excuses to cheat but they are contributing factors and we need to face them down in order to become healthy.

(((Jonah))))


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

I edit often because I make a lot of typos. ☺️


Posts: 1499 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
JustDesserts
Member
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)

Joan:

Life is not a pass/fail course. You have NOT failed.

You are human, you made mistakes, and by showing your family you are willing to change, you can give them a powerful gift.

No one has the right to judge you a failure. And that includes you.

Chin up, Joan. You are NOT a failure.

JD


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
Wayflost
Member
Member # 41583
Default  Posted: 5:16 AM, January 9th (Thursday)

I'm feeling you. It's a crying day for sure .


Me: WW
Him: BH (totalheartbreak)
Both: 30s

Appalled by my actions, and the choice to set off several atomic bombs in my life.


Posts: 407 | Registered: Dec 2013
SpotlessMind
Member
Member # 41775
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, January 9th (Thursday)

((((Joanh))))

You are a good, valuable person who made some crappy choices. Everyone makes crappy choices at one time or another. It's what you do after that is most important, IMO.

Keep healing. Keep growing. I'm sorry it's so painful, but you can do this.


fWS/BS--me
BH/WH--him
Married: 12 yrs
D-Day: October
Kids: yes

Posts: 277 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Where am I?
watersofavalon
Member
Member # 37984
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, January 9th (Thursday)

He isn't broken. He is hurting. it will get better, it will. The most important thing for me was that H made it clear to me he loved me and chose me and wanted to make it as a couple. That means a lot. But it takes time. Please just stay strong x


Me - BW 49
H - 52
T 31 years
M 21 years

3 children from 11 to 17.

EA with coworker for 6m maybe longer. She was 25!!
Dday 26/6/2012.

Reconciling. Hard work isn't it?

Getting there!


Posts: 94 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: UK
Kap12
Member
Member # 41759
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

I can relate to this. I have these moments too often. My eyes hurt from crying so much. I am sick to my stomach and can't sleep. I am miserable. I guess this is part of my punishment for the awful thing I did. ((Hugs))

Posts: 61 | Registered: Dec 2013
Topic Posts: 10