SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Thanks for the crickets!
sleepless34
Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)

I am 5 months out and starting to come around! I can speak to him without wanting to rip his face off, I don't have nightmares every night, the pain in my heart has gone away and the new normal is pretty good. I am thankful I found out who he really is, and even hopeful about the future. Of course dealing with the parenting issues and financials and actual divorce SUCKS beyond belief, but I can at least approach with A LOT less emotion than a few months ago….

I want to say THANK YOU for teaching me about crickets. If I hadn't found this site, I think I would have continued to engage in ridiculous crazy making exchanges with my STBX. Trying to make sense out of something that will never make sense. It was painful to be blindsided with a betrayal, and find out the husband I thought loved me and valued our family was really a lying, deceitful, cowardly Fucktard…..

It was even more painful to deal with the SHIT STORM OF EPIC PROPORTION that ensued after he made his big reveal. How he handled it, how he acted in the direct aftermath and now- it is all telling of his true character. He is pathetic, a loser, a coward and I am disgusted by him. And the cherry on top is that HE is so so angry at ME, because of course this is all somehow my fault.

The crickets- I am telling you-WORK WONDERS. The cheaters want your engagement, they want to piss you off and fight with you to validate what a vindictive bitch/bastard you are so they can feel better about what they did. It is like feeding them their favorite food to engage with them. It allows them to control your emotions and make you feel insane. The blameshifting, the gaslighting, the revising of marital history, the mis-quoting of things you said….all of it ends when you just stop talking to them and shut the hell up. Crickets. I love them. They saved me.

I was thankful for crickets today because I hadn't had to talk to Mr. Integrity for about a month until our mediation. It was so glorious to not talk to him, I didn't respond to his emails except the most basic yes, no, please, thank you basics. I didn't let that Fucktard bother me in any way and I know my ignoring him bothers the shit out of him! Then today I had to see him for one hour to discuss parenting plan. He acted like an ass as usual, and I made it 45 minutes without getting angry. I had one outburst when he called me a liar- I gave him a verbal beat down so harshly the therapist had to stop me. I left there rattled, wanting a drink or a cigaratte or a xanax it was so exhausting and stressful. It was a necessary meeting, but now it is over and I am so happy that I can go back to enjoying my crickets for another month!!! THANK YOU! YOU HAVE HELPED ME SO MUCH SI!


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
HurtsButImOK
Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)

Well done! A great reminder of the power of crickets. Hope he crawls back under his rock so you can have the peace you deserve.


Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou


Posts: 752 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
yestopants
Member
Member # 41631
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)

Thanks for the reminder of the power of crickets! You sound so awesome! I want to be you with your super cricket powers! I think right now if someone asked me if I could have any power….it would be yours…super cricket powers. Thanks for sharing, you are a hero!


Me: 35
STBXWH: 38
2 amazing kids DS DD
almost Divorced!

Posts: 283 | Registered: Dec 2013
GingerAle
Member
Member # 33822
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)

I can totally relate to your post! Our STBX's sound sooooo much alike. And like you, I am extremely thankful that SI has taught me about crickets and the 180. You are so strong! Thanks for sharing this

I love what yestopants called crickets- "Super Cricket Power"!!


My WH (The KISA, NPD) 6 month EA in 2010
2 other EAs in 2012 & 2013
Filed for D 7/2014


Posts: 425 | Registered: Nov 2011
BAB61
Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 12:54 AM, January 9th (Thursday)

Next month when the $$ comes in I am buying a Hearth Cricket for my house!! They are so cute .. now ... should I get shiny brass, iron, verdigris brass or black??? hmmmm choices, choices!!!

Check them out: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=hearth%20cricket&sprefix=hearth+c%2Caps&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Ahearth%20cricket


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 2:04 AM, January 9th (Thursday)

Thank you for reminding me of how lovely crickets are!! I am also very grateful to have learned about crickets! It truly has saved my sanity and played a HUGE role in grieving, healing and rebuilding.

And HIGH FIVE to you for making through today's meeting!! and enjoy the peace that crickets will give you for the next month. Oh, BTW ~ I would have had the drink AND the cigarette AND the xanax!

BAB61: I love your idea of getting a cricket statue! I think when my divorce is done I will purchase a cricket figurine for my yard or home.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2271 | Registered: Oct 2012
sleepless34
Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

Where do you buy the hearth crickets…I want one too. It will commemorate this horrible time of my life and the strength required to live through it!


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Thinkingtoomuch
Member
Member # 31765
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, January 9th (Thursday)


I love crickets too! I have started using cricket technology to all facets of any relationships in my everyday life.

Have learned so much since my "hell froze over".



Posts: 817 | Registered: Apr 2011
sleepless34
Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

I found the hearth cricket and bought one on Amazon. It comes from plow and hearth $15! I can't wait to have a cricket trophy….


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
NewMom0220
Member
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

I just wanted to post and reiterate that crickets are the best. They really are the answer to most things in regards to my STBX. Unless he is asking me a specific question that I'm legally obligated to answer, I just give crickets all of the time.

I remember the girl who was jumping hoops trying to rationalize with my husband, trying to make him empathize, reacting to all of his blame shifting and mind game bullshit...and I'm so glad I'm not that girl anymore.

Don't get me wrong...I still have the same extreme reactions as I did back then, but only those close to me know that. I haven't even spoken to him since September and I'm so glad he doesn't have any idea how I feel, what I think, or how his words/actions make me feel.

Hooray for NC and Crickets. It's the best.


Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 374 | Registered: Apr 2013
sleepless34
Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

Yes, when they say something stupid, make crazy accusations, blame you, get angry at you….crickets are great. When I had to see the scusband and we have to talk about stuff I end up getting engaged. And then the ANGER comes back. It was Tuesday and I am still recovering from that one meeting two days later.

I can't imagine having to talk to him daily, I would have either killed him by now with my bare hands and would be in jail or I would be in a mental institution.

Cheers to Crickets! Every person on the JUST FOUND OUT FORUM should be immediately getting onto the cricket bus.


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

Extreme crickets for my X. I had to laugh when my son recently said that X told him I had been "being distant". Ya' think?

Posts: 1275 | Registered: Aug 2010
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

OMG, scusband is my new favorite word!!!!


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5861 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
singleat57
New Member
Member # 41965
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

What are Crickets?

Posts: 4 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, January 10th (Friday)

"crickets" is SI speak for not responding to the crazy accusations or baiting messages from the waywards.

the noise crickets makes= no response.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5861 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Topic Posts: 15