SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Wayward Side
User Topic: Warn xMM that I confessed?
Regrette
New Member
Member # 41722
Stop  Posted: 11:34 AM, January 9th (Thursday)

What are the general guidelines here about giving the xAP warning that you confessed? I promise I won't be defiant--I really don't know which is best.

On the one hand telling him I confessed all would keep him away/see me more clearly as more-trouble-than-I'm-worth/ and would prevent him from trying to rekindle the friendship. On the other hand, it's another conversation, and we all know how a single conversation can be dangerous. He sometimes attends sporting events I go to and my hope is that his fear of exposure will keep him further away from me and he might stop going to some of these things altogether, which would be great.

After talking with my H we determined it would be best to not out the xMM b/c in our small close-knit community, my name, as the OW, would be ruined and this would effect our young children. Who wants to invite the daughter of an adulterer into their home for a playdate? It would not be so scandalous for xMM, he would get off scott free.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: blue state
LovesLaboursLost
Member
Member # 37272
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, January 9th (Thursday)

NO! Don't do it. NC. Get that mm out of your head...Maia's Withdrawal Survival Guide post is a good resource


I'm a work in progress.

Posts: 81 | Registered: Oct 2012
Regrette
New Member
Member # 41722
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, January 9th (Thursday)

OK! Done!
I thought so...thanks.
I feel stupid even asking, tbh.

Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: blue state
JustDesserts
Member
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

Doesn't his betrayed spouse deserve to know she has (is?) being cheated on?

JD


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
Regrette
New Member
Member # 41722
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

Yes. However she's not totally in the dark b/c she took our EA very seriously and took him to MC and treated it like an affair. I dunno. Part of me wants to warn her that he's actually a serial cheater (I only recently found out, much to my shock, as he brilliantly acted inexperienced and naive.) I do feel an obligation to her but I do not put her needs above my own. My H's yes, but not hers. I'm not that good of a person.

Part of me can only clean up so much at an expense to myself. Affairs are nasty but I'm probably in the minority thinking people should not always have to lose their whole lives because of them. And i dont think my kids should have to suffer, which they will.

I made a choice to confess b/c I couldn't free myself of the A and I felt like I was holding my H hostage. xMM has to come to that conclusion himself.

However, my H has stated he is not certain he will not expose. He has that in his back pocket for now.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: blue state
astudentoflife
Member
Member # 25821
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

This

After talking with my H we determined it would be best to not out the xMM b/c in our small close-knit community, my name, as the OW, would be ruined and this would effect our young children.

and this

However she's not totally in the dark b/c she took our EA very seriously and took him to MC and treated it like an affair. I dunno.

Show a complete lack of understanding of the seriousness of your actions. Also they directly contradict themselves.

First about the contradiction. She had him attend an MC because this WAS an affair, at the very beginning when you two were in an EA. What? you don't think she already has accused you of being a man stealer to her friends in your "tight knitted" commuity? Get serious, she knew it was important enough to try and stop it dead in it's tracks. You are kidding yourself and frankly trying to get us to agree you are doing the right thing.

Like I said about abuse in my previous thread, you are judging her reality, by saying she treated the EA as an affair. It bloody well was! The cat was out of the bag then. You got testy when some of us were a bit wary of one sided stories, because we were "judging" you. You are judging his BW! In fact you are lying to yourself, because her reality is true!

All of these statements are about you, not your husband, kids, the BW. You don't want to look like the bad guy. I am actually angry that I gave you the compassion and benifit of the the doubt. With this kind of thinking or non thinking as the case is, you are damaging more people. It is selfish and abusive. Do you think MM BW has not gone all over this time and time again because she wonders if she was crazy because you and the MM. You seemed relieved when I said I believed the story of your abuse. I still do, but I am beginning to waver. If you want healing, your first thoughts should be of the damage caused to a woman WHO HAS not abused you. Don't you think she would appreciate the knowledge confirming she has not been crazy all this time? Do you think she doesn't deserved to know what kind of relationship she has and make decisions based on that? How callous.

The kids? Well you should have considered them before embarking on an affair. As I said earlier, there were many other ways to handle this that would not damage you or the kids. I am going to bet you didn't think of them then. Tgese are consequences that must be handled the right way in order for you to even have a piece of dignity.

However, my H has stated he is not certain he will not expose. He has that in his back pocket for now.

You bet he does! Just another reason your plan may not work as well if he decideds to blow it all up.If he is as abusive as you say he is, I have no doubt he will, with relish.

To be honest if you want to be believed on this site, you will need to own your shit. Sure, abuse can damage one, however not in this way. YOu should be the first one to realize your actions and work at not abusing people any longer. The first step is to think of those that you have hurt, how you hurt them and continue to hurt them and do something about it. Not to come on here looking for backup. I will watch and wait, before I post anymore about your abuse issues, because I am very strongly beginning to regret my former posts and feeling a bit of a fool for wanting to help you sort out the alleged abuse.

Victims do not victimize other innocent people willingly. His wife, your kids have done nothing to you. Realize and that make your decisions accordingly. To be honest this post was so selfish it was actually Repellent.

[This message edited by astudentoflife at 3:05 PM, January 9th (Thursday)]


WS:52 Male
BS:47 Female
Working towards R and forgiveness.
Also working on domestic abuse issues (9 months abuse free, working hard for more)
My wife is my greatest teacher and best friend.


Posts: 320 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Florida
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

Talking to AP = breaking NC.
Can't end an A if you don't stay NC.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6165 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
pointofnoreturn
Member
Member # 41034
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

Why do you feel he deserves a warning? This person helped ruin your family. He doesn't deserve shit from you.

Now if we were talking about letting the BS in on the affair, that'd be a different story.


Me- WGF 22
Him- BBF 21
Ddays:
August 2011
September 26th, 2013

"A lesson is learned. Life is. Simply. There is no Death. There is no Before. There is no After. All is in Flux. Simply."


Posts: 187 | Registered: Oct 2013
Neveragain1221
Member
Member # 41969
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

When my BS recently found out about my A, he didn't give me a choice about telling my AP. He emailed my AP's wife on the spot. After we talked, we agreed that having no contact between me and my AP was the best thing to do, so I wrote up a No Contact letter and emailed it to him, and CC'd his wife. I wanted to show them both how serious I was about never talking to him again.


Me: WS 26. 4 year EA and PA.
Him: BS (MercifulH) 27.
D-day 1/3/14.
Separated heading to D :(

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jan 2014
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

It's another betrayal, IMO. It shows loyalty to OM and not your BH.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37327 | Registered: Sep 2007
Regrette
New Member
Member # 41722
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

wow, student of life, ok, gotchya, you're repelled now, a total flip. I don't really need you or anyone else here to " believe" me. It's ok. Really. Your prerogative.

I'm not sure I ever questioned the BS's reality????? She was absolutely right (I said smartly, she took it seriously, I said that with kudos to her.) And I ended the A PRECISELY b/c I hated the idea of gaslighting another woman.

Its so funny how if you don't 100% tow the party line here, you get skewered.

Look. I don't necessarily care if I R. I DON'T WANT THE M THE WAY IT WAS. I'm just working through some pain and if no one here can deal with me b/c I don't see everything THE SAME, then I'm good to go.

Also--and I admitted this---you're absolutely right--I don't care ALL THAT MUCH about the BS. I really don't. It IS callous, but I am not eviscerating myself to gain entry into the kingdom of heaven. There is such a thing as self-preservation and even in IC they talk about cultivating more, not less, of that. Because the tendency is to be too self-immolating. I'm not setting myself on fire for her, sorry. I'm the opposite of a martyr. And so are you, former wayward, so spare me the lecture.

I never, ever, saw myself as all that self-serving, if anything I'm self-defeating, servile and overly concerned with the needs of others. Like most women. And if you met me you would consider my personality to be quite deferential and open and respectful and kind.

Think about the kids before the A?????!!! Well I didn't. THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M GOING TO MAKE THINGS MORE DIFFICULT FOR THEM NOW. Are you crazy? For what? Sanctimony points??!!! I am very sad about the BS's situation and I struggle with this daily but please spare me the "I'm hereby recant my faith in your abuse story" punishment b/c I don't see everything the way I'm supposed to. Holy hell. Peace out.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: blue state
Regrette
New Member
Member # 41722
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

authenticnow---yes. you are spot on. I will not do it and I'm sorry for even thinking it.

Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: blue state
astudentoflife
Member
Member # 25821
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, January 10th (Friday)

I explained to you about how the other BS may be feeling. Questioning herself. Driving herself crazy trying to fit pieces together that you two kept secret. Likened it to your description of being abused, "The subtlety" of it if I am not mistaken and thanked me for understanding that and then you come back with this?

I really don't. It IS callous, but I am not eviscerating myself to gain entry into the kingdom of heaven.

So you won't even do someone a kindness by exposing what they are living with in order to save your own skin?

BTW I think you misunderstood authenticnows post. She was telling you that it is dishonoring your spouse to not completely destroy your ability to have the same affair again. to not come clean and attempt to repair the damage you have done.


WS:52 Male
BS:47 Female
Working towards R and forgiveness.
Also working on domestic abuse issues (9 months abuse free, working hard for more)
My wife is my greatest teacher and best friend.


Posts: 320 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Florida
Regrette
New Member
Member # 41722
Default  Posted: 12:37 AM, January 10th (Friday)

So you won't even do someone a kindness by exposing what they are living with in order to save your own skin?

That's right. I will continue to aid in abusing her and save my own skin.

it's horrible. Horrible, horrible.

I acknowledge my horrible-ness. Every layer of this onion is worse than the last. Plus there is a 3rd person...an MW2 in the mix, who knows us all..and my BH's head is spinning with the Jerry Springer-aspect of it all. It's just too much.

However, I will not stop my BH from exposing us. That's his right. He is very image conscious however, and doesn't want the bad image attached to me or my kids. I'm more of a " let it all hang out" person, and the consequence of exposure is hard to envision now cause NOTHING feels worse than having to prepare my kids for the end of this family.

I would be ok with exposure, eventually. I just TRULY think my kids would suffer.

I think authenticnow meant WARNING xMM meant I was loyal to him. Maybe I am misunderstanding.

[This message edited by Regrette at 12:40 AM, January 10th (Friday)]


Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: blue state
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:08 AM, January 10th (Friday)

I meant that warning xMM would be disloyal to your H and another betrayal to him.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37327 | Registered: Sep 2007
circe
Member
Member # 6687
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, January 10th (Friday)

There is such a thing as self-preservation and even in IC they talk about cultivating more, not less, of that. Because the tendency is to be too self-immolating. I'm not setting myself on fire for her, sorry. I'm the opposite of a martyr.

My guess from everything you've written here is that you don't tend toward self-immolation and could do with cultivating more kindness and empathy for others. It's not such a fine line between being a humane person and being a martyr. Those two states of being have miles between them, yet you treat them as if they're identical.

You did something really bad and now you want to hide it. I get that. Anyone who can post with the stop sign gets it. But hiding secrets and not facing your own actions, and putting on a false face to make you look good, and looking for justifications that allow you to do what you want at the expense of others is all what got you into this crap in the first place. Don't you think it's time to CHANGE that?

I don't think advising someone to be honest and faithful, try to be a GOOD person, someone your children can look up to (and in my view this is someone who is honest, who owns their mistakes, who accepts consequences with grace) - is necessarily some "towing the line" cult level doctrine here. It's just basic humanity.

Your mind is in a fight-or-flight mode and all you can see is you, you, you and then sometimes OM. Even the thread title is about "warning" your OP, not about "how should I protect my children from the outcome of my A?" or "how can my BS and I handle OM together?" No, it's just you and OM against the world, couched in justifications about your children and about how, somehow, contacting OM is the best way to avoid contact with OM.

I don't think you're capable of seeing past yourself right now. Naturally it will piss you off when someone reminds you there are other human beings involved. All I can say is that ultimately you'll do whatever you want, but you can use a bunch of people who have no investment in the situation but great familiarity with it to see an alternate route out of this. Perhaps a better one than keeping secrets, issuing secret warnings, upholding pretense, feeling the joy of self-righteousness when you think of the other BS, repeating that you're not a martyr each time someone suggests doing something difficult and carrying on with your abusive marriage.

[This message edited by circe at 6:07 AM, January 10th (Friday)]


Posts: 3190 | Registered: Mar 2005
Regrette
New Member
Member # 41722
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, January 10th (Friday)

I absolutely disagree that I have shown zero regard for others, I just specifically phrased my post in the title to get concrete advice on a specific action. I am absolutely thinking of others and you're dead wrong. You're just pissed I won't drink enough of the Kool-Aid to kill me.

Go back and read my post for comprehension. Print it out and circle all of the statements I made about feeling bad about the other person. People in cults lack nuance. Good luck with your healing.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: blue state
LovesLaboursLost
Member
Member # 37272
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, January 10th (Friday)

Everyone on this thread took time out of their lives to try to help you. Getting nasty and defensive serves no purpose.
Wondering if you should warn AP that you confessed isn't thinking of others, tbh.


I'm a work in progress.

Posts: 81 | Registered: Oct 2012
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Red  Posted: 9:46 AM, January 10th (Friday)

Regrette...

You can make your point to disagree with others without attacking. Please show some respect for those that took the time to help you.

People in cults lack nuance.

Seriously?


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197325 | Registered: May 2002
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, January 10th (Friday)

People in cults lack nuance.
For real?

It's not cult behavior. It'consistency because we've all BTDT.

And if it is a cult, we're the coolest one evah because we have SPF.

Carry on.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6165 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Regrette
New Member
Member # 41722
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, January 10th (Friday)

no, it really kind of is...

Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: blue state
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, January 10th (Friday)

Feel free to go somewhere else...no one is making you stay here.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197325 | Registered: May 2002
Regrette
New Member
Member # 41722
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, January 10th (Friday)

If it's isn't a cult, coolness notwithstanding, I dare the mods to prove it. You can boot me from these boards, but I dare you to leave my posts up for all to see.

I never showed a lack of understanding the gravity of my mistake, and I never showed a lack of caring for others. Except for posters attacking me.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: blue state
Regrette
New Member
Member # 41722
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, January 10th (Friday)

I attack ideas not people. You attack me personally. Big difference. At no point did I say you're deluded or crazy or irresponsible or selfish.

Except now. I am calling you cult members, and I fully realize the seriousness of that attack. You cannot tolerate dissent of any kind.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: blue state
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, January 10th (Friday)

First off...not one person attacked you.

Second off...what exactly are we supposed to prove? That you're wrong for wanting to protect the XMM? Well, that's simple. You're wrong.

You dare us to leave your posts up? Well, that' again is simple because we don't delete posts


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197325 | Registered: May 2002
Regrette
New Member
Member # 41722
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, January 10th (Friday)

Go back and READ the part where I said YOU'RE RIGHT IT'S STUPID OF ME TO WANT TO WARN xMM. I WON'T DO IT. MY BH CAN EXPOSE US ALL FOR ALL I CARE. IT'S HIS PREROGATIVE.

Reading. Comprehension.

Get a red pencil and a blue pencil and start making circles and get back to me with a jpeg. Show you're work and I won't believe it's a cult. Bloody 'ell.

I am sorry to waste so many peoples' time. I truly wanted--was needy-- for help. I helped my H by CONFESSING the TRUTH to him with NO EVIDENCE and 18 months of the A behind me. I did not expect the blind hysteria.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: blue state
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, January 10th (Friday)

Attacked you personally?

No. Attacked your ideas.

Big difference.

As far as being a cult?

I do know one thing. I was a very broken down human being when I arrived here two years ago. And my life has done nothing but improve with the help and guidance of some amazing people here.

My healing is mine. My self-improvement is mine. I worked dang hard for it. SI didn't give it to me. I worked hours upon horrifying hours, days upon agonizing days for it. People here suggested things. I took what I needed. The good, the bad, and the downright ugly.

It's no different than going to the doctor's office and telling the nurses and physicians the symptoms and them giving me suggestions for the cure. Doing the things they suggest is up to me to heal.

How exactly is that being a cult?


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6165 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, January 10th (Friday)

Wow, you have some major anger issues. Rope yourself back in...no one wants to fight with you.

I did not expect the blind hysteria.

That would be coming from your end. No one here is yelling at you or losing their cool...just you.

Show some respect or find somewhere else because honestly at this point, all you're doing is alienating yourself from those that would have helped you.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197325 | Registered: May 2002
astudentoflife
Member
Member # 25821
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, January 10th (Friday)

wow, student of life, ok, gotchya, you're repelled now, a total flip.

Um, yes because you have shown yourself to be capable of abuse to everyone on the thread and in your life. That has made me question my own reading of your situation.

I buck your perceived view of this site as a "cult" where everyone is indoctrinated. I don't do "cults" well at all. I got onto your original thread because for the most part the thoughts are that the WS must do everything possible to help heal the BS. Some folks disregard "abuse" because they may not even be aware of it. As I said, I have seen firsthand the results of abuse and understand that abusers are all different in their tactics. So I stated, against the common theme, that you did not owe your spouse to help him heal. You could rightly ask for a divorce or demand that he make immediate changes to himself. Many would disagree with that. So don't tell me about this being a "cult" which everyone must drink the Kool Aid.

My wife has severe PTSD from my abuse. However, she would never knowingly hurt an innocent party as you have admitted to here. You lash out at everyone trying to help and even yell at the moderators. You are trying to show everyone your superiority and coming back in spades when people tell you that you are pushing them away. You throw abuse around at everyone. That is why I am repelled. Because it dawned on me that the folks on the original thread may have had your number from the beginning. If abused your defense would be to your abuser alone, not anyone else. What has the BW done to you? what have your children done to you? What have any of us done to you, except to offer our experiences?

Quite frankly I am repelled by your sheer selfishness and abuse of other people. Abuse for which you came on here expecting everyone to feel sorry for you. It dawned on me that you are epitome of an abuser. You need to do a lot of hard work to realize why you feel entitled to hurt anybody that gets in your way. Your views are repellent and frankly it is hard to feel anything about your actions except contempt. Not you. I feel for you. I believe you are unhappy in your life and will continue to move through it with more and more bitterness, hurting a lot of people on the way. I know that from firsthand experience with myself, until I realized that I was my won worst enemy and decided to do something about it.

When something snaps at my hand I pull it back. So do most people on this site and in general.


WS:52 Male
BS:47 Female
Working towards R and forgiveness.
Also working on domestic abuse issues (9 months abuse free, working hard for more)
My wife is my greatest teacher and best friend.


Posts: 320 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Florida
OktoberMest
Member
Member # 34173
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, January 10th (Friday)

Go back and READ the part where I said YOU'RE RIGHT IT'S STUPID OF ME TO WANT TO WARN xMM. I WON'T DO IT. MY BH CAN EXPOSE US ALL FOR ALL I CARE. IT'S HIS PREROGATIVE.
Reading. Comprehension.

Get a red pencil and a blue pencil and start making circles and get back to me with a jpeg. Show you're work and I won't believe it's a cult. Bloody 'ell.

I am sorry to waste so many peoples' time. I truly wanted--was needy-- for help. I helped my H by CONFESSING the TRUTH to him with NO EVIDENCE and 18 months of the A behind me. I did not expect the blind hysteria.

One day, I hope, you will read this and see there really is only one hysterical person in this thread. Only one person shouting as far as I can see. Only one person condescending others with "red pencil...blue pencil" nonsense.

What help do you actually want, because I'm not seeing it. Start letting some of those walls down and we can help you. Until you do that it is inevitable you will feel attacked because you you are isolating yourself as DS correctly pointed out. I can understand why you feel like the forum is a cult as well because there is a shared belief that you do not possess. That belief is the belief in living an authentic, honest life, in whatever direction that takes us. a belief in being honest with ourselves first and foremost, even if that is uncomfortable. If that's a cult then sign me up.

I think you are looking for us to soothe you, not help you. The two are very different processes.

[This message edited by OktoberMest at 6:54 PM, January 10th (Friday)]


Me: FWW (35) Growing up at last.
LonelyHusband: BH (41)
Dday 1: 29/Oct/11; Dday 2:15/Nov/11; last TT 15/Mar/12
In R...working my arse off.
When you're struggling with commitment to your marriage, just imagine what it's like to be a penguin.

Posts: 558 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: UK
circe
Member
Member # 6687
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, January 10th (Friday)

Hi Regrette, none of the people responding to you seem angry to me. We don't have any reason to be. You came looking for advice from people who have been in some version of your situation. Folks read, thought about it, and then gave you some advice that you should be honest and try to be a good person. It's really nothing revolutionary or outrageous - just the basic stuff you might tell your own children if they'd been caught lying and cheating: be honest, be strong when it comes time to face up to your actions, learn from this, do better from this point forward for your loved ones and yourself.

Print it out and circle all of the statements I made about feeling bad about the other person.

Sure.

I don't care ALL THAT MUCH about the BS. I really don't.

If you're feeling conflicting emotions right now - like you sort of feel bad for the other BS but not enough to face up to what you did, then you're in a really familiar spot. My assumption is that at some point you'd like to move past this spot and end up in a place where you're happy and secure, and have empathy for others and care very much about hurt that you cause them, while also maintaining your own happiness and comfort. There's a way to feel both of those things - pain that you caused another person pain, but ultimately in a place where you can feel peace with yourself.

I understand if you're not in the right emotional place to post here at this point. But at least you can feel secure in the fact that people who have been posting here in Wayward for a while have developed pretty good boundaries and will be consistent in pointing others toward honesty and strength. You may not like it, but the message won't change. Honesty. Strength.

Also they won't delete your thread. There are a lot of people who have come here in a similar frame of mind and posted all of this and more during and after their affair. Read the archives a ways and you'll find a great variety, all still freely available.

[This message edited by circe at 10:38 PM, January 10th (Friday)]


Posts: 3190 | Registered: Mar 2005
Topic Posts: 31