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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: I am so angry
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

Gaahhhhh.
Was talking to a friend. Starting the research on SUVs. Way out of my budget to take on a car payment right now. Need to wait until Shrekf...er gets a job so I can start getting full spousal maintenance. Then, I need to put more in savings for a rainy day, THEN I can start doing more than dreaming about getting a used SUV.
Friend mentions the same vehicle my STBXH bought in March. The one that I contributed $2,000 to. The same one that I did research on fair prices on the one that I did all the haggling for.
Now here Shrek is sitting on her nasty fat ass, not working, and driving around in a brand new SUV that I should be driving.
Then I start remembering how in order to save up for our house to be built a few years ago, I had to stay in a dump with no furniture for 6 months. Now she is in a gorgeous, expensive apartment with EVERYTHING, and no blatant meth heads downstairs. The first month I slept on the damn floor with a cheap air mattress. My paycheck was the one that I saved from for our house while he was still in HI in our big home f..king his whore.
I think of all the sacrifices I made for US while he was being so selfish. Now, in less than 2 months he has managed to do more for her than he has the last 10 years we have been together.
I'm really working myself up.
Then it hit my why I'm raging so bad. He is supposed to be flying back today from Afghanistan.
Originally he was supposed to come home last month. But because I was NC, I didn't know his contract had gotten extended.
Why on earth did it not bother me last time that he was coming home. I didn't know he wasn't home until a week later. Now, again, same situation, NC so who knows if he is really flying home. But I'm so ANGRY?
I was shaking, I can barely concentrate right now. Well, I have laser sharp focus on the wrong thing.
I've never been let down, please talk me down from this rage. Why am I so mad????


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

((((StillLivin)))) I think you explained extremely well why you are so angry. You have good reason to be. The absolute injustice of it all is crazy making.

Sending you strength and comfort, honey.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25765 | Registered: Aug 2011
Threnody
Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

It could be a form of hyper-vigilance, actually. Anger is generally a masking emotion for fear, and it would make sense in this case. Your subconscious seems to be preparing for his return and the anger is sitting there on top of it to protect you.

Are you a list-maker? I am. In fact, I've been known to make lists of my lists. When I've been faced with situations like yours (I'm in one now, in fact), I make a in/out control list. One one side of the paper I write what I am in control of, and on the other I write what I am not in control of. I do it quickly, kind of like freewriting and without dwelling on any one thing.

Then I wait a little while before I go down each side and contemplate each thing.

"Take on new debt for SUV" -- does it really belong on this side? Or does it belong on the other? Sometimes things get moved.

"He's giving her things I never got" -- is he really giving them to her, or is he just handing over scraps which still require absolutely no effort on his part?

All the way down the list. Have a glass of wine or good chocolate at this point and remember you're reading a list, not once again re-living things the way you were when you WROTE the list.

I think you'll be surprised what you can free yourself from by doing this.

Hang in there.


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14040 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

Thank you NIK.
OMG Threnody, that is EXACTLY it. I'm a huge organization freak and list maker. I compare and then recompare. I'm making lists, JIK he actually gets a job and I get full spousal, to be ready to purchase a good, quality, used SUV down the road.
I wasn't making lists last time he was supposedly home or coming home.
When my friend mentioned the same SUV he had, that list exploded on me.
THAT is why.
Yep, gonna drink a whole bottle of wine tonight and wait for his SUV to get repossessed. If I can't get my money and time back, then I'm gonna be happy as hell his cheatinass and that goat looking troll, Shrek will be walking soon!!!!
One can hope right!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
JerseyCowgirl
Member
Member # 41441
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

@Threnody--what a great idea with the lists..I am going to do that right now.

I too am having rage..then instantly depression. Last spring I saw my ex in MY truck, still titled in my name mind you, with some woman in passenger seat. I think this is the one he started up with while we were doing in house S. Took all my willpower not to slam my little red jeep into MY big black Hemi Dodge. Some things are just so insulting to our internal justice...It's no wonder we feel rage and anger.


Me: Divorced 2012
I know that when I truly love & honor myself I am at my best & most complete; and I will never settle for anything less from myself or from anyone else ever again!

Posts: 336 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Have not decided where to land yet!
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, January 9th (Thursday)

Are you divorced yet? I recall it being the judge who gets the final say in who gets what property, like a certain SUV and the house. Just something to think about.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4788 | Registered: Feb 2008
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, January 10th (Friday)

Peridot, now we are LS. Everything, as in all assets, has already been determined. I didn't want the SUV payments. I'm back in school full time now and giving up my job in several more weeks, so trying to budget accordingly. He and Shrek can have it. I just hope he doesn't have it much longer, know what I mean. I would NEVER get in it again now that Shrek has driven the damn thing. Oh, and I got the house!
I will be filing for D once I start receiving full spousal support (after asswhole gets a job, might be a while...I'm no longer doing his applications and resumes).
Would I be a bad person if I wished he didn't get a job until AFTER the SUV is repossessed? I have enough in savings to survive for about 6/7 months without his spousal support, but his SUV would be repossessed within about 5/6 months!
ETA: JerseyCowgirl, I applaud your insane will power and control. I might have accidentally slipped my foot to the gas instead of the brakes!

[This message edited by StillLivin at 1:24 PM, January 10th (Friday)]


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Brandon808
Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, January 10th (Friday)

Why am I so mad????
Because he''s a self-entitled a**hat that didn''t deserve the time and effort you expended and he doesn''t come with a money (and time) back guarantee?


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4000 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Pentup
Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, January 10th (Friday)

Maybe it would help to realize he still has not really done anything for Shrek. Everything you mentioned is spoils from your marriage. When that wears out, if she does not do what you did, I doubt she will have anything. It is doubtful that he will change and become a planner, budgeteer, saver, provider.

((Stilllivin))


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6605 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, January 10th (Friday)

Oh you are going to come out way ahead here, rest assured. Now that you are free of the spend thrift, can’t go without, pain in the ass, your financial prudence is going to pay off in spades. He's still going to be a selfish idiot and can no longer rely on your wisdom and sacrifices to keep him afloat.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, January 10th (Friday)

Because he's a self-entitled a**hat that didn't deserve the time and effort you expended and he doesn't come with a money (and time) back guarantee?

You're killing me here and I'm at work!!!!!
Pentup, you are right. None of the monetary stuff is going to matter soon. He has been looking for a job for almost 9 months now without my help. I asked him to send me his resume. I applied to only 4 jobs after I fixed his resume to suite the jobs. All 4 places contacted ME back (changed resume to my email and my cell) interested. Two of them wanted to do a telephonic interview with him still in Afghanistan. I never relayed the message because I received an email from him that he clearly meant to send to Shrek. He lied about the email because he was NC with Shrek so how could he be sending her emails???
I refuse to help him get a job, and he will lose that SUV, won't be able to pay for that expensive apartment, and will completely screw up his credit because he put EVERYTHING on a credit card that he bought her.
After Threnody's post, I realized that I was mostly angry about the injustice of everything I've done for him and he STILL did this to me. I'm not so upset today, and I'm just patiently sitting back as that train wreck is just around the corner now. I hear the whistle, it's acomin!
School started for me...more important things to focus my energy on too which helps redirect that energy.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, January 10th (Friday)

Oh you are going to come out way ahead here, rest assured. Now that you are free of the spend thrift, can’t go without, pain in the ass, your financial prudence is going to pay off in spades. He's still going to be a selfish idiot and can no longer rely on your wisdom and sacrifices to keep him afloat.

Thank you. And, yes, you are right. I've been able to put aside more in the past 9 months without his paycheck (thank you very much) than I was able to put aside for almost 3 years with both of our pachecks...and he makes 10X more than me right now.

[This message edited by StillLivin at 1:49 PM, January 10th (Friday)]


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Topic Posts: 12