User Topic: Late spousal support email
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 6:01 AM, January 10th (Friday)

Hi all.
I was hoping for some help in wording an email I need to send to XH regarding spousal support.
We were divorced last Friday, the spousal support payments were suppose to start 1/1/14 per the divorce decree.
He gets paid Thursdays, and I checked today and the money hadn't gone in.
I know he is just seething, because he signed over his entire pension to me on Wednesday.
I want to send him an email asking him when I can expect my spousal support. I'm just having trouble coming up with the right words. Still trying not to anger him, and I really don't want to have to go after him with my lawyer for contempt. My lawyer said technically he's not in contempt until the end of the month.
My stomach is in knots again.

Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 627 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, January 10th (Friday)

When my third support payment was late, I sent an email kinda like this:

EX, per our decree, my support payment is late. If you do not set up automatic payments by xx date, I will have your wages garnished.

Oh, also, I contacted the HR department of his employer for options (legally, the money IS yours…). They made the suggestion that he could have his paycheck deposited into two accounts, so that is ultimately what we did. He doesn't have to "remember", or easily put a stop to the payment via his bank. The payment comes directly from his employer

Ex knew I was dead serious too. I would have garnished his wages if something didn't change.

me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings

Posts: 4187 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, January 10th (Friday)

Don't worry about being nice, and don't worry about making small talk. Keep your note brief and to the point.

He's not on your team any more. You need to worry about you and your team.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7781 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, January 10th (Friday)

Garnish those wages, fuck him.

Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 640 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, January 10th (Friday)

Check with your state child support agency so you are clear on their procedures for garnishment. It might be wiser to bide your time, if you can, and let him hang himself, so it is a slam dunk for garnishment. I know this is sometimes not possible.

You really want a garnishment.... been there done that myself.

It took NPD-x a long while to realize court orders were not suggestions and that CS was between him and the state.

Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Jan 2010
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, January 10th (Friday)

Start garnishment paperwork. Don't bother with an email.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9858 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, January 10th (Friday)

A reminder email will get nothing. He already knows and is testing you to see what he can get away with.

It is the right time to set a precident to let him know what to expect when he defaults. Otherwise he will just keep doing it. I know this from experience!

I am fortunate to have a line of credit set up at the bank and I live on that until I get the money. In the past I have sold things.

See your Lawyer and tell him you want action now.

I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.

Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, January 10th (Friday)

If you have kids and are getting CS, the state will garnish CS and alimony. I would skip the email and start the process for getting the payments garnished. He knows the payment is due!

I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.

Posts: 4792 | Registered: Feb 2008
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, January 10th (Friday)

Thank you all!!
No CS, just SS.
I will get on it. :0)

Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 627 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, January 10th (Friday)

My state will NOT garnish spousal support. A filing of contempt is the route that you will have to take, which as you know, you have to wait to do.

I would go "crickets" on this. If he is withholding the payment to rile you up, deny him the show. If the payment does not come, and you email him I would say something like

ex, spousal support in the amount of xyz was due on 1/1 and again on 2/1. If I file with the court for contempt, I will ask that the court order you to pay all costs associated with the filing.

Then I would not send any further communication to him. If payment did not come within 10 days, I would file and see him in court.

You have taken away so many of the ways he is used to yanking you around. He is looking for new ways. Don't reward this behavior with attention. Attention = positive feedback. Consequences = negative.

Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5864 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Topic Posts: 10