User Topic: Small Vent - College Costs
Member # 8275
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, January 10th (Friday)

Our decree states we split college costs for our daughter 50-50; it is due today and I just paid the full amount out of my savings. He knows it was due today, but whine whine whine always cries poor. He makes more money than me, has fewer expenses than me, gives no support to either our daughter or disabled son. I was a SAHM for ten years of our marriage but still got no spousal support, somehow I am able to save for these expenses but he isn't. It just infuriates me that he shirks these responsibilities to our children. I can't wait until she graduates and this last financial tie is over.

Vent over. Thanks.

Posts: 306 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, January 10th (Friday)

I posted something similar about SS payments.
I honestly don't know how they can look at themselves in the mirror every day. To deny your children just boggles my mind!!
You are an awesome mom! :0)

Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 627 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 32503
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, January 10th (Friday)

((neverbeokay)) and ((soveryweary))

I am so sorry you have to deal with this shit. Vent away!!!

I am almost certain that I will end up dealing with similar things. That is one of the reasons I am waiting to file until I get a job. I don't want to rely on him for ANY monetary issue -- IF he pays, great. If not, my kids and I will be fine.

But it is frustrating. By bet is that your XH was probably that way in the marriage as well and that your actions kept the family sound. Is he impulsive?

Can't send you more than ((HUGS)) right now!

BS - me (52); WS - him (52)
DD 15yo, DS 11 yo
Married 25 years (together 27+/-)
DDay #1 - March 18, 2011
DD #2 (after 3 + month TT and false R -- the affair had gone underground) - June 28,2011
DD3: June 19, 2013 - he started up again with the

Posts: 241 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, January 10th (Friday)

I'm so sorry. I am fairly certain I will be in the same boat when my kids hit that age.

Good for you for being a forward-thinker and planning for this expense all these years. That's what a good parent does.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9823 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, January 10th (Friday)

I hear you! What pisses me off is why does it take a DECREE to tell them what to do? I'm sorry you had to empty your savings to pay for college and I hope it will be replenished some what when he reimburses you.

I had a question for you: before the decree, did he pay for half of the tuition? If he didn't, did the judge order him to? How did it get written into the decree?

I have been paying for tuition for my two children. He has not paid one cent. I don't know if his attorney is telling him not to pay or what. I am asking for him to pay for half of tuition and medical costs but we have not gone to court yet. In the meantime, I am saving receipts and will be asking to be reimbursed. I'm hoping that the judge will agree.

ETA: Is your daughter looking into financial aid, grants, scholarships? I have been looking but due to my daughters disability (ASD), she can only take 6 credits a semester and most aid/grants/scholarships require students to take 12 credits.

[This message edited by dmari at 10:14 AM, January 10th (Friday)]

Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2270 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, January 10th (Friday)

My ex-w is obligated to pay 40% of college expenses. Two of our three children are in college now. Our daughter, a high school junior now, will go too.

To date, despite clear language in the divorce decree, her income $125,000/yr and permanent alimony of $3,100/mth) she has paid nothing. The court will not garnish her wages and just directs her to pay with no consequences (not even contempt of court).

So I pay all of it and will even as I go broke doing it. Because that is what parents do.

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11

Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Member # 40617
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, January 10th (Friday)

Honestly how do they live with themselves and the mess they have created????
Good for you that you got the money together somehow. I wish your daughter well in her studies.
Sorry you are going through this, but you are entitled to vent, this is vent worthy!!!
I think I will be in the exact same situation come September, in fact I don't expect my ws will put his hand in his pocket whatsoever because my father has money and my ws will feel her grandfather can take care of it!!!
(((Hugs))) go out to us all in these desperate times.

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 14759
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, January 10th (Friday)

The most common trait in cheaters is SELFISHNESS.

Me: BW 59
Him: STBXWH 61
Married: 25 years
DDay1: 2/2002; DDay2: 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.

Posts: 479 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
Member # 8275
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, January 10th (Friday)

Thanks for the support!

By bet is that your XH was probably that way in the marriage as well and that your actions kept the family sound. Is he impulsive?

Very impulsive and never good with managing money. For example, our house needed a lot of work, like painting, new carpet, fix sprinkler system, etc etc, which he said we could never afford, but when I was out of town for a girl's weekend he buys a $4K pool table. Really?

I had a question for you: before the decree, did he pay for half of the tuition? If he didn't, did the judge order him to? How did it get written into the decree?

We did not have tuition costs before last fall; my daughter went to public school and my son's tuition was paid by the county. In our state there is no obligation to pay for college but he did agree to it in the settlement.

ETA: Is your daughter looking into financial aid, grants, scholarships?

Well, I did the FAFSA and even though my income is very modest, I do have a substantial 401K so we did not qualify for anything but loans. I really want her to get out of undergrad without any debt. She did not get any scholarships. But she does have in-state tuition at a great school so it is relatively reasonable tuition.

Posts: 306 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 6370
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, January 10th (Friday)

My daughter received a full academic scholarship which includes tuition, housing (dorm) and books. I am very proud of her for working so hard. But the XH saw that (he thought!) as a chance to escape 'half of college expenses' as decreed in the divorce settlement.

Uh. NO.

"Expenses" also include clothing, transportation (car, insurance and fuel), any unexpected health care issues, misc expenses. Our daughter keeps tabs through her debit card each month and submits a statement by the end of the month to me and I immediately notify him of his 'half' ... and he sends a check. Daughter is very money conscious and does not needlessly spend money. She's smart and considerate that way.

Why does he pay without argument? Because he doesn't want me showing up at his job to pick up a check - because I do nothing quietly.

[This message edited by Jeaniegirl at 3:30 PM, January 10th (Friday)]

"Because I deserve better"

Posts: 990 | Registered: Feb 2005
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, January 10th (Friday)

My parents divorced when I was in high school.

The judge told my mom he could not compel my father to take on half of the tuition. No parent is obligated to pay for their adult child's tuition. If he voluntarily agreed, it could be written into the decree, but beyond that it could not be forced.

Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2257 | Registered: Feb 2010
Topic Posts: 11