User Topic: She IS Crazy
New Member
Member # 41187
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, January 10th (Friday)

So my STBXW asks me if she can take the kids to the Dominican Republic on a a work conference in March. The kids would be missing 5 days of school and it she was going to use her 19 year -old niece as a chaperone. I told her unequivocally - no and told her I would take it up with my lawyer if she fought me on it.

A) The kids would miss school and my DS struggles to keep up his grades

B) The niece needs a chaperone more than my DD -12. And frankly is not a good role model.

C) It infringes on my day to have the kids and we have not sorted out vacation schedules as the divorce is not finalized.

With all that is going on, THIS is what she spends her time thinking about - going to the beach??? She has no clue on the new financial reality - losing 45% of her income. Taking the kids out of the country with things so unsettled??

So she told the kids that I said "no". Oh well I guess I will have to be the bad guy and the grown up. She told me I could gloat in my "victory". She is whacked.

Me: 44 stbXW: 44
Married 17 years - Known each other 30 years
ILYBINILWY - February 2013
My Mom passed away - February 2013
Bomb drop - March 2013
Discovered A - April 2013
Moved out - January 2014
Divorce Hearing - March 2014
S - 15; D-12

Posts: 7 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, January 10th (Friday)

So she told the kids that I said "no". Oh well I guess I will have to be the bad guy and the grown up. She told me I could gloat in my "victory". She is whacked.
Cut - are you familiar with parental alienation? If not, time to start reading up on it and talk to your lawyer about it.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, January 10th (Friday)

Talk to your lawyer and start documenting all known occurrences where she is bad mouthing you to the kids.

IMO I wouldn't let your STBXW take the kids out of the country.


Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Posts: 52599 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, January 10th (Friday)

No out of country trips until D is finalized and you trust each other enough, for sure.

My WW was insane in the opposite way. I'm from out of country originally so originally right after DD she went to see a L. I don't know what she told the L about me but she came back panicked, calling me (me!) a "flight risk" and "likely to kidnap her children" to take them to my home country. Talk about reflected guilt, or a xenophobic/bigoted lawyer, or both.

Maybe she was just trying to get me angry so she could accuse me of something else, don't know. My response was to give her my passport. Hers? "You could easily get another one anyway". Can't win with W thinking. We are the bad guy in their distorted movie.

Foggy, selfish thinking is a pain in the ass on us BSs. Stay firm and fair. Even if none of your reasons applied, taking kids out of country in the middle of this is ill-advised and dangerous for all concerned. Don't sign any permissions for it and keep your lawyer up to speed on her intentions.

Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 755 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, January 10th (Friday)

There is no way I would allow that either. First off, she will spend zero time with the kids, she is trying to bribe them to "pick her" as the favorite parent and really taking a 19 year old along to supervise. Not smart at all. I would definitely have something in the decree about taking the kids out of the country.

Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home.

Posts: 277 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, January 10th (Friday)

I would not allow an out of country trip with the kids til well after the divorce dust settled.

I would certainly not allow them to miss school for her work conference. Ridiculous.

Stand your ground and document the bad mouthing. I am in a similar situation and keep a journal where I record every disparaging remark.

What a clueless piece of shit.

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4684 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 6