New Beginnings
User Topic: Name change
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, January 10th (Friday)

I'm changing my last name back to my maiden name after the D is final.
How long does it take to get used to your maiden name?
It took me about a year to get used to the M last name. Everytime someone called me by the last name (I was military), I looked, but only because I was looking for my H.
Then I would realize it was me they were calling.
I don't want to take a whole year to get used to my "real" last name.

I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2481 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, January 10th (Friday)

Oh it was pretty instantaneous for me. I had my maiden name for 24 year and only had my married for 3 years. There were still things with my maiden name I hadn't gotten around to changing

“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3520 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Member # 26367
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, January 10th (Friday)

It took me awhile. At first, even though it was the name I used since I was born, I hadn't used it in 28 years, so it just sounded and felt sort of foreign for quite a few months. Getting used to signing it took even longer. In fact, when I initial things now, I'm just as likely to intial IB as ID. No one really seems to care, but it's just a muscle memory

Me: BW (55)
Him: WH (62)
7/14/11 - Divorced

Posts: 1886 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: another world
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, January 10th (Friday)


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 9999 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, January 10th (Friday)

Personally it was instant. Took friends a while.

Funny story... I am a teacher and did not teach the 5 years before my divorce, but taught for 12 years with my married name. I went back to teaching 4 years ago, post divorce, teaching kindergarten.

I would sometimes talk to the kids in third person. I would say "Friends, Mrs. "Married Name", wants you to put your things in your cubby."

I would quickly correct my mis-statement and say, "Ms. Chrysalis wants you to put your things away."

Finally, one little kid said who is this "Mrs. Married Name" you keep talking about?

It took me several months to deprogram myself. LOL

Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2770 | Registered: Jan 2010
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, January 10th (Friday)

Thanks everybody for the prompt responses. I can always count on SI....shame I could rarely count on POS STBX.
Well, been married just shy of 8 been together about 10.
Feels weird coming off of my tongue when I say my full name with maiden last name.
Think I'll just start practicing writing it a few minutes each day now to get a head start!

I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2481 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, January 10th (Friday)

Pretty quickly... I was ready. I was so ready, I started using it again before it was legal for me to do so.

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15433 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Member # 8275
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, January 10th (Friday)

I'm so happy I changed back to my maiden name as it was very easy for me to get used to saying it. People said they liked it much better; I do too!

Posts: 308 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 32558
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, January 10th (Friday)

this post is so relevant to me!!

I've been toying with the idea for a few months now - my divorce is now in process, and yesterday I decided I was going to revert to my maiden name when it is finished! I'm really excited about it. I had my maiden name for 20 yrs, and then had his name for 20 yrs.

My rational was that if our marriage breakdown had been "nice" I probably would not feel so strongly about it all. However, I do not wish to be associated with a cruel, selfish and heartless man!

I was worried about the kids, but they understand, and it's quite common place these days.

"Sometimes on the way to the dream, you get a lost and find a better one"

Divorcing - at last!

Posts: 94 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Uk
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, January 10th (Friday)

I had XWH's last name for 11 years. It didn't take as long as I thought it would to adjust. Maybe a couple of weeks after the divorce was final?

I do have one rather funny story. I'm a runner, and signed up for a marathon that took place about 3 months after D-Day and 2 months before my D was final. I'd signed up using my maiden name, even though that wasn't my name yet.

When I went to pick up my number, it wasn't there because I went to my married name's line. I promised them I'd signed up, I didn't have any money with me to pay the fees again, could I run it and send a check in later since my registration must not have gone through?

The lady was so gracious, and about mile 14 or so I realized why I couldn't find my number! I found the lady after the race and we had a good laugh about it.

Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny

Posts: 3453 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 26576
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, January 10th (Friday)

Omg! If you can believe this I never really got use to my married name! I didn't want to change my name but he insisted. As soon as I divorced I went back to my maiden name!
I don't think I'll marry again but if I do I would never change my name.

BS (me) 47
WS (him) 70
Together 7 1/2 years
married 6 years
no children together
Happily divorced 1/29/13!

Posts: 111 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: got2go
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, January 10th (Friday)

Was almost instantaneous. Could be because the sound of his surname revolts me now. Changed my son's surname to mine too. So I'll have this surname the rest of my life whether I remarry ( not happening) or not!

Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, January 10th (Friday)

I'm with Got2GO! I never really got used to my married name. But when I got divorced I chose a surname that I wanted. It wasn't my maiden name. I didn't want my cheating father's name again. I chose one that pleased me and I adapted to it IMMEDIATELY!

Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink

Posts: 3090 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, January 10th (Friday)

For me not long at all. For others it took them a while Even nearly 3 years later my boss still has my email address in her address book as BB26 Married Name.

Hardest thing was changing my signature back, that took a bit of practise.

I absolutely hate it now when people use my married name, I'm like no that person is dead like the marriage

"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1376 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 21925
Default  Posted: 7:25 AM, January 11th (Saturday)

It's taking me a little while, but it's all good. I went from a 4 letter married name to a mile long, unpronounceable maiden name. People struggle to pronounce it and when they look at me and say I give up, I say "now you can understand how badly I wanted to get rid of that name".

I took my maiden name because I wanted to get back to basics, start over. Unanticipated bonus: it really bothers X when he calls my office.

BS 43 (me)
FWH 48
D-day 9/07

Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo

Posts: 1033 | Registered: Dec 2008
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, January 11th (Saturday)

I've had my married name almost as long as my maiden name…20 years now. With small kids, it just seems easier not to change my name. The kids freaked out when I talked to them about it…so..ehh. It doesn't bother me any longer. If I remarry, then I'll change names and keep my married name as my middle name for signing "things" for the kids. School forms, etc. They want the name connection to me, and I don't blame them.

Maybe it is good I've been separated for so long, I've let go of those issues. I remember the first year I couldn't wait to go back to my maiden name, and even called myself by that name. Just one of those things that time "fixed" for me.

me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17

Posts: 4215 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, January 11th (Saturday)

I didn''t change my name because my D was finalized 3 weeks in to a new job & it seemed so awkward to change it then.

I also have a significant number of people who call me by my maiden name as a first name my maiden name has turned into one of those trendy androgynous names for girls so it sort of works I guess.

I go by the "a rose by any other name ..." theory. And since I''m one of the ones who wants to remarry, I plan on changing to a whole new name then

"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship." - Louisa May Alcott

Posts: 3143 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, January 11th (Saturday)

I did not change it either. It would be too complicated between my Green Card, Passports etc. I might do it once my children have moved on from school and my Green Card and Passport need renewal.

I don't have a problem with carrying the name at this point. I am still very much part of his family so in an odd way I feel like I still belong to something.

And, my married name is so much prettier than my maiden name Ok, that's totally shallow.

Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
Member # 24261
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, January 11th (Saturday)

I only had my maiden name for 19 years, very short, only four letters. My married name was a complicated Scottish/Nordic name with English and other European complicated variations. I had this name for 20 plus years. It had 9 letters but could be spelled and pronounced a hundred different ways. I was forever correcting people and spelling it out for others.

It was a delight to return to my uncomplicated maiden name (when XH remarried and also both daughters married) but truthfully am still answering to both but using only one. I officially changed it back in 2009 but have still not got to the end of the list of people/companies I need to inform.

One day I will be completely rid of the married name and if I ever marry again will retain my own name.

I thought about my ancestry and their surnames. A friend invented an entirely new surname from letter of her ancesters but after much considereation I decided that I would return to my maiden name which I really like.

Good luck. Do what you want for yourself.

DDay - April 2008
Me - 54 and doing great. Found myself again and loving life
Him - who??

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone (Johnny Nash)

Those who stir the shit soup get to lick the spoon!

Posts: 4967 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 19