New Beginnings
User Topic: I'm hoping he's not the last...
Member # 34543
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, January 10th (Friday)

Have you ever woken up with a strange thought? I don't know what I was dreaming, but I woke up this morning thinking, "I hope WH isn't the last person I make love to." I want it to be with someone who loves me back! Or at least some hot guy where the feelings of lust are mutual and honest . I haven't been with anyone else in well over 25 years and certainly don't see anyone in my immediate future, though.

D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12

Posts: 490 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, January 10th (Friday)

A sign of healing!!!

Yes, I remember thinking that. I pretty much insured that he would not be the last man I kissed by kissing a virtual stranger almost immediately. The other I was smart enough to wait on.

Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5859 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, January 10th (Friday)

OMG, I'd never thought of it that way. I think I'm going to be sick!

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9814 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, January 10th (Friday)

That thought, among others, was a prime reason I worked so hard on healing myself during the divorce. I knew, with absolute certainty, that the last time I had sex was not going to be the god-awful, drunken anniversary sex I had with now-ex during what was false-R.

And I am so grateful, and such a lucky, lucky woman, that it was not.

Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect

Posts: 12164 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, January 10th (Friday)

OMG, I'd never thought of it that way. I think I'm going to be sick!

My exact reaction and thoughts!!

Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 34543
Default  Posted: 12:24 AM, January 11th (Saturday)

Arg. Sorry to put that in your head! I have no idea how it popped into mine.

D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12

Posts: 490 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, January 11th (Saturday)

Well, for me…the first guy after ex was amazing. I had no idea what I was missing.

me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings

Posts: 4180 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, January 11th (Saturday)

Ugh. Same here. For me, the last time was desperate, "pick me" sex in the few days between DDay 1 and 2 when I thought there was still a marriage to salvage. I'd love to wipe that mental slate clean with something far more appealing!

BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, January 11th (Saturday)

OMG, I'd never thought of it that way. I think I'm going to be sick!

Ugg me too!

Esp since the last time I cried through it and ex never even noticed/cared (classic NPD)

Posts: 499 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 22421
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, January 11th (Saturday)

I also haven't been with anyone in 25+ years.
I just can't imagine at this age taking off my clothes in front of someone.
I just hope to one day meet the person that it won't matter to.

Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.

Posts: 293 | Registered: Jan 2009
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, January 11th (Saturday)

I had that thought too, and it really beat me down for a while. There was no candidate in sight, not a guy to date seriously and not even anybody for a FWB relationship.

I was on the bus for 15 months. About 9 months into it I met a man and for the first time in a long time I felt physically very attracted to somebody. Another 6 months later I was off the bus and hopped onto the back of his motorcycle :-)

While it did not end as I had hoped, I had the same experience as cmego. The sex was amazing, very passionate and loving, something I had not experienced in a loooooooonnnnnnnnnnng time.

Don't let that thought beat you down. It might be a while but it will probably happen when you least expect it.

[This message edited by fraeuken at 11:54 AM, January 11th (Saturday)]

Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
Member # 32558
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, January 11th (Saturday)

this was a huge thing for me too….I had only ever been with my ex too

well, after 3 years, I did sleep with someone else, it didn't work out (another thread), but I'm so pleased I threw the elephant out of the room. It was amazing too, and I'm so excited for the next phase…

it'll come to all of us when we are ready, and be so much better!!

"Sometimes on the way to the dream, you get a lost and find a better one"

Divorcing - at last!

Posts: 94 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Uk
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, January 12th (Sunday)

Well I guess my silver lining is that I have not had sex with WH in 2 months. DDay was just yesterday for me so still on serious roller coaster of emotions.

Reason we have not had sex is that I had pelvic floor surgery followed by a tummy tuck.

At least anyone new will get "new body" that my WH will never touch.

I can't imagine ever forgiving him.

I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched

Posts: 209 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, January 12th (Sunday)

At least anyone new will get "new body" that my WH will never touch.

I haven't had surgery but I remember having this thought a lot in the early days whenever I was naked - mostly when just out of the shower. There was a lot of comfort in it - kind of like I was reclaiming my own body: 'He'll never see or touch this part of me again'.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5608 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 14