Wayward Side
User Topic: Thankful?
Member # 41873
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, January 10th (Friday)

Has anyone else been through their ordeals and came out "thankful" for them on the other side for where it brought you?

Don't misinterpret what I'm saying. I am NOT glad or any other positive emotion that my As happened. I'll be honest, I am taking so many meds to keep my mind, body and mood balanced. I am so unbelievably ashamed of what I did I can't even put it into words. There have been multiple indiscretions, and I feel like stagnant water - just sitting there, wasting away and useless.

BUT, after coming clean to my wife - yes, there was TT, yes, there were "cover ups", but after REALLY confessing, and starting recovery, we're trying to find a positive in all this. So far, there aren't many.

The triggers have been many, and the calm moments of peace are few, and the road is smoothing but still under construction. But when those moments do come, and we can be together and happy in the moment, it's glorious.

My wife agrees - she isn't glad at all that what happened happened, but she is, for lack of a better term, grateful that it will lead to us being a stronger couple.

For the first time in my adult life, I don't want alcohol. I went and had my first physical in 10 years, I am quitting soda (and actually succeeding at it this time).

Since this has happened I just feel like a different person. I want to be the man my wife and kids deserve, and am trying really hard to get there.

It's actuality really hard to type this status, because it makes it seem as though I don't regret what I did, or that it was a good thing for us, etc. It's not. NO ONE should have to go through this, particularly the BS, but what's done is done, and now I can either dwell on it more, or work on it, find my core "why", and fix it so nothing like this happens again.

I have many moments of fear and doubt, but I feel like I am, for the most part, on the right path.

Forgive my being verbose - tonight is a night where I guess I needed to get that out.

I hope you don't misinterpret what I'm saying. This is not a positive situation, but maybe it will bring me (and thus us) to a better place.

Thanks for reading.

Me: FWH, 34
Her: BS, 33
Married: 6 years
Together: 10+ years
Kids: 2 Boys under 5

DDay1: 7+ years ago
DDay2: 1.5 years ago

"The truth shall set you free, but first it will make you miserable."

Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: United States
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:30 AM, January 11th (Saturday)

I completely get it, and yes, I am thankful for where I am. I'm so happy to be on 'this side'. I can't imagine continuing to live the way I was (inauthentically).

Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."

Posts: 37974 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, January 11th (Saturday)

I get it too, and I also feel the same.

Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Remarried. Reconciliation is a process and I still struggle.

Posts: 2221 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
Member # 41494
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, January 11th (Saturday)

Yes, if we can work through everything, I think we will finally have the marriage we should always have had. All of the defenses are down, for both of us, for the first time. I definitely will regret the cost, though, especially for BH.

Me-- WW, 49
Him-- BH, 53 (bobf)
Married 22 years
OEA, chat/email with multiple people over an 8 week period, 8/2013-10/4/2013
D-day 10/4/13
Working on reconciliation

Posts: 69 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United states
Member # 33517
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, January 11th (Saturday)

I totally understand where you're coming from.

I am very grateful and thankful for so much these day and for being a much better version of who I was.

It's also great that your getting off the soda I've been soda free for over a couple years now and don't miss it at all.

Keep up the positive feelings and thoughts, they help you through the difficult times.

My Boundaries are firm: Trespassers will be shot on sight.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 41873
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, January 11th (Saturday)

Thank you. It's weird to hurt over being thankful for something like this, but in the end, I'm confident it will be worth it.

Regarding the soda, I was consistently drinking like about 5-6 cans a day, and that was EASY for me. I could drink lots more without an issue, so I'm glad to be getting off it.

Had my first actual physical last week in ore than 10 years (blood testing and all), and everything came back normal. (Whew).

So I'm glad I am quitting now before I did too much damage.

If my BS if giving me this chance, I want to make it as long an experience as I can.

Have a great weekend all.

Me: FWH, 34
Her: BS, 33
Married: 6 years
Together: 10+ years
Kids: 2 Boys under 5

DDay1: 7+ years ago
DDay2: 1.5 years ago

"The truth shall set you free, but first it will make you miserable."

Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 6