SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
New Beginnings
User Topic: She Was Not The One
LostandGuilty
Member
Member # 30493
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, January 10th (Friday)

I just broke up with my girlfriend of over six months tonight. It hurt me a lot, but I just did not love her. I told her that I did not feel the way I should feel after six months of dating. I cried a little why doing it. She did not. She looked upset that I was doing it, but she consoled me more. Lol. I am so much more of an emotional person since the D. I never cried unless someone died before. Now, movies and songs can do it. I do not know why, but it is a little embarrassing.

I thought that she would be more upset, but maybe I misjudged her. Maybe I thought that we had more of a relationship than she did. I thought that she was in love with me, but I was not with her. I always second guess things like this. I just am a little happy that the breakup was not long and drawn out.

She is such an amazing person, and I felt bad for hurting her. I wish things could have turned out differently. I really wanted them to. I wanted to love her. I feel dumb for not falling in love with a girl that is the total package. Maybe the next one will be the one.

Edited for spelling

[This message edited by LostandGuilty at 10:06 PM, January 10th (Friday)]


"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on" - Robert Frost

BH (35)
DS (15)
DD (13)


Posts: 224 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: FL
suckstobeme
Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, January 10th (Friday)

It's ok that she was not the one. She was likely what my IC calls a bridge person. That's a person you encounter during a transition who isn't meant to be in your life forever, but who was meant to carry you over to the other side of the turmoil.

It sounds Iike it was a nice relationship that just wasn't meant to progress. She must have showed you something - like what it's like to break up in a healthy, respectful way. Or, what it's like to show compassion and kindness for each other even if there is no love. It was a gentle break up that will hopefully give you even more confidence in yourself and your ability to spot quality women.

Bridge people are good.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2797 | Registered: Jan 2011
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, January 10th (Friday)

That's one of the hardest conversations to have.

Honorably breaking up with someone is one of the biggest gestures of integrity to me. So many take the easy road and just fade off into the sunset, or put it on the partner to call it.

I'm sorry that you had to go through it - but you're a bigger man for being honest.

Don't feel dumb about this. Love is goofy and unpredictable. Crossing my fingers for you for the next one!


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17347 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
lifestoshort
Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, January 10th (Friday)

i know what that feels like. Not the, this person is great but I still dont love them... but the i just dont feel it, no butterflies etc. if she wasnt upset, i think it was coming down the road sometime anyway. girls typically are not too happy if the bf leaves at 3 month let alone 6.


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, January 11th (Saturday)

When xSO and I broke up…it did feel like two adults…well, making a decision.

We actually laid together on the sofa, held each other, and broke up. We cared greatly for each other, but it wasn't working.

He showed me a lot of things, great sex, how deep an emotional connected can be, how to discuss things like adults. There was a lot wrong…but there were some things that were right too.

My gut reaction when you said she didn't seem upset? She probably could sense that you weren't all that into her and she was holding herself back, or could sense the breakup was coming.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4145 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Topic Posts: 5