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User Topic: Ayfkm???
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, January 11th (Saturday)

I had to text briefly with XWH this week over $$$ that he is supposed to deposit in a bank account this week as part of our decree.

I was civil, even nice, and actually let him know how the kids were doing when he asked. That leads to him texting back that he thinks about me often and is glad I'm doing well. *crickets* from me

Then he texts the next day and says "let's have lunch next week just to catch up" AYFKM? I didn't reply, then he texted a bit later, "thoughts?" I waited, but did reply to that and simply said, "No thank you." He then replied, clearly frustrated, "What happened to nice Persevere from last night? Oh, yeah, you wanted money." Again, AYFKM?

So I should have given him crickets but I did reply, "I was civil, but understand that we are not friends. My friends don't treat me as you have. If you're angry, be angry at yourself. I didn't make the choices that got us here. I hope you pull it together one day. Honestly. It's very sad. Good night."

He replied the next morning, "I'm not sure what you hope I'll pull together. The last year has been one of the best I can remember. I'm not mad, I just thought it would be nice to catch up. No other agenda." Well, he got crickets on that.

I wanted to reply, Yes, that's why I have a relationship with your daughter and the rest of your family, and you don't - because you just have it SO together. Yes, that's why you texted me a couple of months ago completely crazy distraught, that I was the only one who could understand, blah, blah, blah...., but I just wanted to end the contact. It felt toxic just texting with him.

He's still a fucking trainwreck...


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4562 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, January 11th (Saturday)

What is with all the exes wanting to break bread lately?


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25528 | Registered: Aug 2011
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, January 11th (Saturday)

What is with all the exes wanting to break bread lately?

This occurred on the 8th and 9th - Dday was the 10th of January, three years ago, when he left, and the 11th of January, when I found out what was up.

For my idiot XWH, he just wants to pretend that it's all okay, and that what he did wasn't so bad, and then feel like he can tell his family that he and I are now "friends". Well, fuck that, he can continue to live in his pretend world, but he will get absolutely NO vindication from me.

[This message edited by persevere at 3:58 PM, January 11th (Saturday)]


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4562 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, January 11th (Saturday)

What is with all the exes wanting to break bread lately?


Maybe they completely buy into the "new year, new me" memes.

((persevere)) sorry it left you feeling toxic. Hopefully, there will be no more cause for contact.

btw, I loved that he had to reassure you that he had such a PERFECT year last year.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5842 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
clralb
Member
Member # 17185
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, January 11th (Saturday)

What is with all the exes wanting to break bread lately?

Really!! I passed along some financial information the ex needed that only I had access to.

I get the "How are things going? Did you have a nice holiday? Did you go home for the holidays?"

Pleeeeze! Crickets from me. I have no desire to be friends or even polite acquaintances.

Blech!


"To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear."
Buddha

Posts: 681 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: southeast
cass
Member
Member # 24261
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, January 11th (Saturday)

They don't like the reality. It makes them look at themselves and it's not a nice reflection they see in the mirror. It is not okay and will never be okay.

Well done for your stance.


DDay - April 2008
Me - 54 and doing great. Found myself again and loving life
Him - who??

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone (Johnny Nash)

Those who stir the shit soup get to lick the spoon!


Posts: 4965 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, January 11th (Saturday)

I have no idea what the deal is. I actually sometimes wish the ex would attempt the "let's be friends" bull only so I could shoot him down. But then again I am fine with the limited contact.

Good response Persevere! You must have struck a nerve based upon his need to make the dumb-ass response about his happy year. So happy he had to come blubbering to you about how you are the only one who understands?

It felt toxic just texting with him.

Yes.

Continue with the wonderful progress you are making to separate your life from this stupid-ass game-playing.

[This message edited by risingfromashes at 8:22 PM, January 11th (Saturday)]


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1638 | Registered: Mar 2004
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, January 11th (Saturday)

double post

[This message edited by risingfromashes at 6:11 PM, January 11th (Saturday)]


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1638 | Registered: Mar 2004
Harriet
Member
Member # 34543
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, January 11th (Saturday)

My ex asked if he could come clean the gutters today. I said sure. We didn't say anything while he was here doing it, ignored each other, but as he left he said, I'll return the ladder, I said thanks, he said have a nice day, and that was it. Weird.


D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12

Posts: 469 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
finallymefirst
Member
Member # 41060
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, January 11th (Saturday)

Whenever my ex is friendly, I always imagine what his response would be if the situation were reversed. If I had cheated on him twice he would have never spoken to me again. He is so passive aggressive and vindictive he would be plotting some kind of revenge on me. So no I don't want to be friends or friendly and I definitely don't want to "catch up".

Posts: 120 | Registered: Oct 2013
Helen of Troy
Member
Member # 26419
Funny  Posted: 2:53 PM, January 12th (Sunday)

I am that he asked you out for lunch because you were friendly about the other issue and then HE GOT DISSED when you turned him down! His widdle feewings couldn't handle that so he resorted to being a jerk again.

Posts: 4703 | Registered: Dec 2009
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, January 12th (Sunday)

It felt toxic just texting with him.

Boy, do I know this feeling. I use it to strengthen my resolve to stick to NC the next time his goads tempt me to respond.

I fell off the wagon myself recently and felt pretty yuck for a day or two. Hard to imagine we used to be in up to our neck in the toxic, isn't it?

((persevere))


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5579 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, January 12th (Sunday)

Hard to imagine we used to be in up to our neck in the toxic, isn't it?

I had a very similar thought SBB - how the hell did I live with his craziness for so long? Even though, at the time, the mean side was never pointed at me, I still saw a lot of crazy and just justified it. He was mentally exhausting always.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4562 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
mixedemotions
Member
Member # 35810
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, January 12th (Sunday)

Hard to imagine we used to be in up to our neck in the toxic, isn't it?

Yes. Ex emailed me a couple of times a few months ago wanting "just to hear my voice one more time" and saying he couldn't live with the thought of never seeing me again. It was so cheap and empty, wouldn't have sufficed for an apology if he'd only stepped on my toe, let alone the horror he created in my life (and that I let him create)

My first and continuing thoughts were...I used to fall for this? How sad for me.


Me: Former BW, 28
Divorced 10/11/12
He didn't show up for the D...very fitting, seeing as he didn't show up for the M, either : )
"What did not demolish me simply polished me, now the clearer I can see" - India Arie

Posts: 382 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Back in the Southeast!
Topic Posts: 14