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Wayward Side
User Topic: Did I ruin my Marriage??
footballguy89
New Member
Member # 41667
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, January 11th (Saturday)

Hi Everyone,

I'll just give you the simple facts and can anyone help me to save my marriage.

I was mad at my husband, so I ended up kissing a coworker on my husband's birthday. I wanted to hurt my husband, so I started an EA. I ended up making out with the same coworker 4 months later. Then I slept with the same coworker 4 months later.... on my birthday. Shortly after I realized I want my husband, is there an advice or hope for me?


Posts: 5 | Registered: Dec 2013
RegretfulHusband
Member
Member # 41873
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, January 11th (Saturday)

Not going to lie, you're in a tough spot here, but not an impossible one.

The first and biggest steps are the hardest.

1. Do you plan to tell him? Can you live with the guilt if you don't?
2. Assuming your husband wants to stay and R, are you willing to do EVERYTHING needed to regain trust?
3. You need to figure out why you did what you did. Why did you want to hurt your husband. What was he doing or not doing, what led you to this? This is very important if you're going to have a healthy relationship in the future.

As you go through these forums you'll find a lot of situations. Some R, some D. If you decide to confess (always the best option in my opinion) then be ready for a lot of hurt, and a lot of really hard work, but it can be done.

We are here to listen.

Best of luck.


Me: FWH, 34
Her: BS, 33
Married: 6 years
Together: 10+ years
Kids: 2 Boys under 5

DDay1: 7+ years ago
DDay2: 1.5 years ago

"The truth shall set you free, but first it will make you miserable."


Posts: 129 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: United States
RegretfulHusband
Member
Member # 41873
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, January 11th (Saturday)

PS - no one here can save your marriage. Only you can do that.

We can only give you our experiences and hope you take what you need to do what's best for you.

You're here, and that's a good first step. You have a long way to go, but it CAN be done.


Me: FWH, 34
Her: BS, 33
Married: 6 years
Together: 10+ years
Kids: 2 Boys under 5

DDay1: 7+ years ago
DDay2: 1.5 years ago

"The truth shall set you free, but first it will make you miserable."


Posts: 129 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: United States
painfulpast
Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, January 12th (Sunday)

Hello - I'm curious why you're using your husband's account, but that is between the two of you really. It's interesting.

I have read his posts, and now yours. From reading his posts, it seems like your family is a bit overinvolved in your marriage, but yu don't mention that here. Do you agree with that?

I really suggest counseling. You and your H seem to be coming from two very different places, and that's never a good place to start. A counselor may help you find some common ground.

I do hope things get better in your home. It sounds like all of you could use some stability in your lives.

Keep posting. The WSs here have a wealth of information to offer. If you want to find a path to a better relationship, the folks here have done and seen just about everything - and I do NOT say that in a bad way - and they are generous enough to share what thye've learned even though at times it can be painful for them. They have a tremendous amount of knowledge and compassion to offer.

((((hugs))))


Love leads to tears, tears lead to sadness, sadness to memories, memories to madness

Posts: 1662 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
longroadhome
Member
Member # 32428
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, January 12th (Sunday)

Yes, you ruined the marriage you had. That doesn't mean you can't rebuild something new with your H, but what you've done will always be part of your history. It will always hurt him, but with time and healing his plain will fade.

BTW, you really should get your own account. This could get confusing otherwise.


Me: WH
Her: BW, and the most amazing, beautiful person I've ever known

It is counterintuitive really... the less we defend our well-being, the more well we feel. ~ Nancy Colier


Posts: 545 | Registered: Jun 2011
Topic Posts: 5