Is this the nut of your conundrum?:
• As a wayward spouse, you'd like access to your support network (sometimes via txt msg), and feel that sometimes that should be a private matter between you and whoever you are turning to for support.
• BUT having any private conversations is not conducive to the trust you are trying to rebuild with your wife... as how can she tell the difference between "support" and "starting to sneak around again"?
If so... that's a tough one. She MIGHT be able to see the need and agree for you to have your sources of private support. Can you come to a compromise, something like "if I am honest with you about WHO I'm contacting for bonafide support, will you be able to let me keep those conversations private?"
Basically, the only answer is it comes down to communication, as @DeeplyScared said.