What jrazz said!!
I had NO IDEA what boundaries were.
So I went to the extreme at first.
I had rules:
No hugging men (We're in a 12 step fellowship that uses hugs as a greeting)
No personal conversations.
We categorized our friends (M&F) into FOM, friends, and everyone else. And had guidelines for each group.
I questioned everything, every thought every action, every feeling.
I analyzed every interaction I had with men. My motivation, what was said, how I acted, Body language. Even down to whether or not I made eye contact, and why I did or not!
I picked grocery store lines with women checkers. I had blinders on, would not even look at men.
At first I was so nervous about it I would not tell Chicho if I thought something was questionable, obviously this was not the way to go. Now if something doesn't feel right I tell him as soon as I can.
We tell each other about our days and what happened, who we interacted with. It's become such a habit it feels a bit strange if we don't do it!
I'm beginning to feel comfortable with my new boundaries.
I was just thinking that it's a bit like breaking in a new pair of Doc Martens.
When you begin wearing them it's so uncomfortable. You can only think about your feet and how they feel, where they're being pinched, where the boots are too tight.
They just don't feel right.
HOW LONG is it going to be until you feel okay in them???
But you keep wearing them.
And slowly they get soft, they conform to your feet, You never want to stop wearing them!
You wonder how could I ever have found these uncomfortable.
FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39 AFrayedKnot
Together 7 years
"Your secrets keep you sick"