SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Wayward Side
User Topic: BS's family issues
nevergiveup10
Member
Member # 41537
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, January 14th (Tuesday)

My BS and I have been on a good path the last 6 weeks or so. About 2 weeks ago she found out her brother (who lives across the country) has some serious legal right now. Her sisters are pressuring her to do something / help and really there is nothing to do at this moment. She is really worried about her brother as this isn't the first and he's probably going away.

It's getting her down and I'm really afraid it might throw us off track. I am doing everything to support her with her family issue and trying to put us on the back burner outside of MC. She made an interesting statement yesterday that she doesn't feel like she is putting work in to the R. It's not that she doesn't want to, she says she;s waiting for the work to start but right now it's like "go with the flow".

I feel her backing away a bit in some regards. I think she may be overwhelmed with everything and too proud to admit it.

Anyone been through something similar with their BS while in R?


WH 39
BS 34
D-Day July 15, 2013
Together 10 years
Three great boys 8,5 & 2
Working on R

Posts: 99 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: East Coast
silverhopes
Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 3:33 AM, January 17th (Friday)

That makes sense. Right now that's drawing all her energy.

Now would be a good time, rather than focusing on R as a team thing, focus on how you can be supportive to her. Focus on how you are as a supportive husband right now. It can be some great time for solo work. Even though her energy is focused on her family right now, it can be a time of great connection for you two.

How can you help her?


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
"Not my monkeys. Not my circus." ~Polish proverb (<~~~ as a codependent person, this comes in handy sometimes!)

Posts: 3896 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
nevergiveup10
Member
Member # 41537
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, January 20th (Monday)

I tell her I will help in any way possible, she has asked me for help on a couple things but it seemed very hard for her.

In MC she admitted she felt this was her problem so she needed to handle it on her own. She knows it not the right way to look at it, but change is hard.

I'm just there to listen, give her a hug or kiss on the head when I see she needs it. Most of all, not push her about it or us.

She said that she knows shes been pulling back, but will do whatever I need to feel reassured. Honestly, that was all I really needed to pull my head out of my arse.


WH 39
BS 34
D-Day July 15, 2013
Together 10 years
Three great boys 8,5 & 2
Working on R

Posts: 99 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: East Coast
Topic Posts: 3