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User Topic: Done
whatlysbeneath
Member
Member # 32665
Default  Posted: 3:18 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)

I am a BS 4yrs out from the original D Day and I am DONE.

First year was broken NC with one of her APs along with multiple D Days. Second thru year Four more TT and more D Days as she refused mutliple attempts on my part to get the truth.

Sadley, there is no sign that she is cheating, she seems happier now than she has been in years. She seems to think we are "okay" if not good or great.

Because there has been no complete honesty there is no trust, I've lived on hope that she would hear what I have asked from her from DAY 1, namely, be HONEST!!

I am now beyond caring, she could be honest now and it just doesn't matter to me anymore. Four years ago she was my life, I was desperate to keep us together...begged her to just be transparent and I knew I could forgive. I have forgiven her, I wish nothing but the best for her in the future but her future will not include me as her husband.

Divorce is the only path for us now. I hate the thought of not being with my children every day and night but the destroyed trust is eating my soul away every day I stay in a false marriage.

Waywards, PLEASE consider this post as a WARNING confirmation that TT and multiple D Days are marriage KILLERS!!


Me: BH
Her: WW
Together 18 years
M 17
D day 2010
4 young children
Every secret in a marriage is a lie...I'm tired of being lied too.

Posts: 129 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Mayberry to Hell to Limboville
devasted30
Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 4:19 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)

It sounds like you have finally decided that the only path to a true marriage is "the truth" I can't say I blame you for your decision. It's a difficult one to make. (((hugs)))

Posts: 1046 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Jesu
Member
Member # 36422
Default  Posted: 4:33 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)

Waywards, PLEASE consider this post as a WARNING confirmation that TT and multiple D Days are marriage KILLERS!!

Hear, hear!


Me: BSO 39
Her: WSO 29
Together: 9 years
Married?: No
Children?: No
OM: A friend of a friend
DD#1: June 18th 2012
Many more DD after TT
PA#1: 1 week in Nov/Dec 2010, which led to a long distance EA
R: ?

Posts: 608 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Oz
stronger08
Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 4:41 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)

The A was not the killer of my M. The continual lying was what did it in. It very sad that most WS don't see that.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5615 | Registered: Nov 2007
bigskyblues
Member
Member # 36759
Default  Posted: 5:17 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)

whatlysbeneath, getting to that "decisive" point is a big part of beginning the healing process.

My situation happened so fast (2 months from DDay#1 to divorce)that at first I was sad that I/we didn't have time to try and save the M.

But, as time has gone by I know that she wasn't the person I thought she was when we were first married. I have moved on and I am very happy.

Our kids (youngest now 21) all seem to be handling it well. I am still good/cordial to their mom but I really don't want any emotional bond at all as I know it could only bring pain.

The X seems to be happy, her kids love her (I never told them although I am pretty sure they suspected the A's) and she is enjoying the attention of various men chasing after her. I wish her well and I guess if that is what she want's it doesn't matter to me.

If I feel anything for her it would be sadness, as I know that some day she will wake up an old women with no one to grow older with.

Moving on hurts like hell at first, but it is the first step to getting better. The secret for myself was minimizing contact to strictly business (so to speak). It took me while to figure out but blocking her on FB, and not snooping in her life (checking various on line stuff) sped my recovery as well.

Strength and peace to you brother!!


[This message edited by bigskyblues at 5:18 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)]


BH 50s
xWW 50s

Dday1 7-2012
Dday2 8-2012
Divorce 9-2012

4 kids all adults.

Married 22+ years.

I have moved on and life is good!


Posts: 202 | Registered: Sep 2012
Kitty70
Member
Member # 41939
Default  Posted: 5:33 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)

Yeah, mine was a supreme liar and continued to do so for minor things. Part of why I ended it.


Me: BGF, 43
Him: WBF, 35
Together 9 years, moved in 8/15/2013

Posts: 98 | Registered: Jan 2014
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 5:51 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)

Sending you strength and (((hugs)))


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Tred
Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)

begged her to just be transparent and I knew I could forgive

It's amazing how often you hear that. I begged my wife from Day 1 to tell me everything, make one single day the worst day of my life. Instead, she drug it out over a year and a half. Who knows what long lasting damage that has done. I guess it comes down to they just don't consider us worthy of the truth. I guess the whole having sex with someone else thing kinda proves that.

Good luck in the future.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3868 | Registered: Dec 2011
RealityStinks
Member
Member # 41457
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)

whatlysbeneath - I'm sorry you're at that point, but I'm glad you have a clear direction. Best of luck man.

The A was not the killer of my M. The continual lying was what did it in. It very sad that most WS don't see that.

My M is not over yet, but I can hear the "fat lady" warming up her vocal chords in the background. The above is why.

In my relatively short time on the planet, and even shorter time as a married man, I've come to know that the most important part of a marriage is trust. Without trust, NOTHING else in a M will be what it's supposed to be.

[This message edited by RealityStinks at 8:53 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 414 | Registered: Nov 2013
Topic Posts: 9