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User Topic: More inappropriate behavior-boundries
million tears
Member
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)

I mentioned before that my WH went out of state to see a concert. I asked him to tell me everything that happened. He mentioned he had gone to a bar that we had been to together. It has a dance floor and everyone just dances with everyone else.

He told me that two "lesbians" sandwiched him between them and danced with him for a minute. I asked how he knew they were lesbians and he said because of one girl's hairstyle. ::eyeroll::

I told him I didn't like it. He has had two other inappropriate (although worse) encounters recently. He told me he can't win. I get mad when he lies. I get mad when he tells me the truth. I told him he shouldn't put himself in these situations.

We had other friends at the bar who had gone to the concert. I said, "Don't you think it's embarrassing to me to have to face these people when they know how little respect you have for me?"

Am I overreacting?


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.


Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)

You are NOT overreacting!

He told me he can''t win. I get mad when he lies. I get mad when he tells me the truth. I told him he shouldn''t put himself in these situations.

Right. If he stops letting these things happen, everyone wins. He is not doing enough to earn the reconciliation you have so generously offered.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1990 | Registered: Jan 2013
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)

Not overreacting. ((((million tears))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25521 | Registered: Aug 2011
SpotlessMind
Member
Member # 41775
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, January 15th (Wednesday)

((((Million Tears)))))

You are so not over-reacting but ugh, this is a little tough. I do somewhat agree that when you want truth but reward it with anger, this can be damaging to honesty in the future (thinking specifically of my children here).

BUT you are absolutely right that he is not keeping appropriate boundaries, if they are upsetting you.

Maybe the solution is going over very specific boundaries again, with other women? Then there is no room for him to wonder or feign confusion over why you are upset.

I would say if you can react calmly, it might help though? Something like, "I really appreciate you being honest with me. I know that can be difficult. I'm also sorry to hear that you were unable to maintain good boundaries. This is unfortunately something that isn't going to work for me."

Or something. And it's basically just me babbling, so hopefully it's not nonsensical...


fWS/BS--me
BH/WH--him
Married: 12 yrs
D-Day: October
Kids: yes

Posts: 277 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Where am I?
MartlArts
Member
Member # 36130
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, January 15th (Wednesday)

I'm sorry - I took a peek at your profile trying to get a sense how far out you are from d-day. With his hiistory, and current behavior, I wouldn't think you were overreacting if you put his stuff in a Hefty bag and changed the locks.


excerpt from an awesome quote "Forgiveness - the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past."

Posts: 991 | Registered: Jul 2012
Topic Posts: 5