SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: First MC session
turtle72
Member
Member # 21773
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, January 16th (Thursday)

We had our first MC session last night and I think I really like her. I expected just an intake but she really did a minimal intake and jumped right in with both feet. I wasn't prepared for that.

When XWH and I went to MC we only made it 4 sessions. She would not "allow" me to even speak of the A. So I didn't know what to expect from this one.

She asked WH why he had the A. When he responded with the usual IDK she asked "okay, but what what is your hunch?" And waited literally for 2 minutes in silence while he struggled. It was even uncomfortable for me. His final answer was that he was floundering on that and could not come up with one reason why. She asked me what my hunch on "why" was and asked him if that rang true for him. "IDK."

And then she asked him if there was anything else he needed to tell me. If the COW decided next week or next month that she was wronged and wanted to write Turtle a letter laying it all out, would there be anything new she could tell me - did it go on longer, did you bad mouth Turtle, were there plans to leave to be with her? He said no, he told me everything (but he did that blinking thing he does when he lies that makes me want to rip those beautiful lashes off in clumps. He stuck with "I told you everything."

BUT, and this just hit me as I am typing this - after he said he had told me everything he added "but she could tell Turtle anything she wanted to even if it was a lie." How did this line escape me? Great, another thing to obsess about.

So I like her - she seems very no nonsense and goal oriented. WH actually liked her too.


Me: 41 BS/WW/BS
2 kids 9 & 11, 3 steps 20, 8 and 3
BS 1st DDay 10/14/08, 5 mo. PA w/ MOW
WW 2nd D-Day 3/22/10, my exit A with HS BF
Separated 4/19/10
Married H #2 10/8/11
BS latest Dday 12/28/13 - PA w/ single COW

Posts: 2207 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Massachusetts
jjsr
Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, January 16th (Thursday)

Its good that you had a good first session but before you make a decision on whether you like her or not go to several more session. I do like the fact that she waited for your spouse to answer. Sounds promising.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1622 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, January 17th (Friday)

I, too, think it's better for her to be effective than likable....

OTOH, that questioning technique and waiting a long time for your H to answer bode very well. It indicates she won't let either of you dodge issues, and that's important, as is starting with the A.

Likable and effective - that's what you really want.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9991 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Topic Posts: 3