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Reconciliation
User Topic: Anyone have a wayward spouse that tried to turn you
stunnedin12
Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, January 16th (Thursday)

into a version of their affair partner? Wh made a REALLY stupid/hurtful comment this last weekend and I know that is why I am ready to toss him to the curb again.

While he was knee deep with OW, he would sit in his chair and pronounce judgement on me - That man could sit and tell me how my mid-western, small town upbringing was bad. He advised me how he didn't want children as soon as we had them, he advised me how I don't even know how to TALK correctly (i.e. banter, ask proper questions, etc.), He pronounced judgement on my career choice years ago (chickie is currently in a similiar career but much more people involved). Blah, blah, blah. He was just a sanctimonious ass.

Come to find out - Every damn thing he tried to change in me was something about chickie - good grief, give me a b**b job and I would have been her!

ANYWAY --- he has changed. (some) I see it. I hear it, but he lapses (not in contacting ap, but in his treatment of me) and it makes me wonder. We've gone over most everything and I have advised him of the error of his ways. Some things are deal-breakers - he knows what those items are. I just need to figure out how much lee-way to give him and how much time to give him in this time of talking marriage building instead of marriage ending.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Jan 2013
silverhopes
Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 2:47 AM, January 17th (Friday)

We've gone over most everything and I have advised him of the error of his ways.

Has he owned that he was trying to change you into a version of the AP? Has he owned the comments he made? He should. How can you R with him when you feel like you're a stand-in for another woman, the one he had an affair with no less!

Wh made a REALLY stupid/hurtful comment this last weekend and I know that is why I am ready to toss him to the curb again.

Mentally, how NC is he with the AP? Does he still idealize any of what they did? Talk about missing her? If he's making comparisons between you two, and comparing you unfavorably to her, then you might hang onto that feeling of wanting to toss him to the curb. At very least prepare to 180, in order to protect your heart from him.

Can he tell you all the things he loves about you? All the things he loves that are unique to you? He should - after he sincerely apologizes for the comparisons and permanently changes that little habit of his.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 2