Wayward Side
User Topic: SI too much sometimes
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, January 17th (Friday)

I am on here a lot and by that I mean 4-5 times a day. First thing I do when I wake is check the site while laying in bed. One of the last tbi gs I do at night is the same. Here is my issue the site sill sometimes exacerbate an issue I thought I'd moved past. I also tend to read and try to attach someone else's issue or label to myself especially if it makes me feel worse or look worse. I realize it and tell myself stop and do something else. I have labled myself a sex addict, porn addict, overall horrible person....I am none of these things. I am a whole person working to her healthy. So people, I am going to try to cut back my consumption. I will come on twice a day instead of 4-5. I will walk away from threads that make me anxious until I can handle them and I will live the life I am making for myself.

Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."

Posts: 2760 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, January 17th (Friday)

I am a whole person working to her healthy.

I will walk away from threads that make me anxious until I can handle them and I will live the life I am making for myself.

Sounds like good boundaries. You have done some truly awesome work, Unagie!

Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, January 17th (Friday)

(((Unagie))) I really like you, sweetie, you have come so far. Please give yourself a break, you deserve it.

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9793 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, January 17th (Friday)

I understand, Unagie. I've scaled back too. I lurk but rarely post anymore. I find F&G to be the safest place for me these days. Do what you need to do so that you're well. That's more important.

FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 5969 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Member # 41802
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, January 17th (Friday)

You know I often wondered why people come here so much. I get it while an issue is going on but after a long period of time I wonder how/why they do it. I think it's great for veterans to be here to support each other and the newbies but honestly I think for me if after a period of time has gone by it would start to be unhelpful and remind me of the darker times. It's great to be helpful but you do need to put your own family and marriage first. I bet a lot of the members aren't around anymore because at some point you need to move past this chapter in your life. Don't get me wrong, I love the advice from the vets just not sure how they can keep it up.

Me: WW 42 - Him: BH 45
Dday: Confessed 1/12/14 - EA/PA: 8 months
Married: 15 years - 3 Kids(5-13)
It's scary to think you know someone well and then realize you don't~~Even scarier when you realize that person is you!

Posts: 107 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: SW Oregon
Member # 36684
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, January 17th (Friday)

I love the advice from the vets just not sure how they can keep it up.

I've heard it said that the greatest aspiration of the human heart is to help others.

I lurk a lot, post here and there.

I find breaks help too.
When we're away I don't come on... helps that I don't have a smart phone

Unagie you've come so far!! It's been a pleasure watching you grow!

FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39 AFrayedKnot
Together 7 years
2 children

"Your secrets keep you sick"

Posts: 1134 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: 221B
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, January 17th (Friday)

Unagie, you are going through some tough stuff now. When I was struggling I frequently found SI to be a bit overwhelming. Take a little time away and them come back when you are ready. In the meantime hang out in F&G and have some fun.

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie

Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, January 17th (Friday)

I just stepped away for an unprecedented 2+ weeks. I needed to know Wayward could survive without me. And it did! SI was my Methodone when I needed to withdraw from AP heroin. Now I''m not sure what it is.

fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response thereís a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1229 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, January 17th (Friday)

I was on SI a lot when I first found it. IC is once a week but SI is always there. Although the funny part is that what made me feel better wasn''t just the help I got. Helping others was very good for me too. I took a step back from SI for some time. Lately I''ve been back.

D final 8/2012

Posts: 3991 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Member # 37879
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, January 17th (Friday)

(((Unagie))) good for you for stepping back! Take some time to take care of Unagie

Like you MJ, I too rarely post anymore, but I lurk here at least once a day, usually more. I started triggering quite a bit while typing responses to other's posts. I thought maybe I would take a break, work through it with my IC and post again when I feel ready. I think I jumped into healing at a pace I couldn't handle. But I'm getting there, taking things much slower than before, but in turn, getting some real results! Just took laying a few personal boundaries, and sticking with them. (Who knew... )

T/j 20wrongs, I was wondering where you had gotten to. Good to see you back! End t/j

Me: 36 fWGF He: 35 BBF and my heart
Together 18 yrs. Many ddays, last one late 8/12 "Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." Tori Amos

Posts: 511 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: home with my heart.
Member # 41034
Default  Posted: 12:33 AM, January 18th (Saturday)

I noticed I've had similar problems. I'd read a lot, make myself very depressed and worried, and then my day was ruined. If I just check two or three threads, it doesn't seem to put that much of a dent where I feel like my world is crashing.

Me- WGF 22
Him- BBF 21
August 2011
September 26th, 2013

"A lesson is learned. Life is. Simply. There is no Death. There is no Before. There is no After. All is in Flux. Simply."

Posts: 187 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 12:48 AM, January 18th (Saturday)

I find I dont need SI quite as much lately, which is tremendous, but I kinda miss it and I want to know how people whose stories I've gotten to know are doing.

I am preparing to move and am trying to focus my "extra" time on that massive task, but I would like to lurk more and try to help too. I only have so much energy.

Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Now homeless but getting it together. Necessary but difficult(!) transition! Sad sad sad but hopeful.

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, January 18th (Saturday)

Unagie ... recognizing that you need to take a break from SI is healthy ... Lots of us have had to take breaks from or reduce our exposure to SI as it can become overwhelming. Please take whatever time away you need and them come back when you are ready.


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3279 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
Topic Posts: 13