SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: Intimacy
Hurtbetrayed
New Member
Member # 42027
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, January 18th (Saturday)

It's been a rough few weeks. From hurt to crying, betrayed to pain, and to feeling hopeless.

How do you get back on track to feeling good about yourself or not thinking of him thinking of her while your intimate.

We have been doing good. Mostly I'm pretending to be fine,because deep down I still hurt. I know it's not easy to overcome this because I've been here 5 years ago. This time was not as bad, but the action was there and how far he would have gone if not caught WHO KNOWS! The thing is when we are intimate I wonder if he thinks of the stripper. I wonder if he compares anything, do I look good enough. What's worse he works early and gets home eats and goes to bed early, because he has to wake up at 2. I go to bed, but I'm still working on things getting kids ready for bed and so on.

We have been intimate several times. We have had a date night and quiet moments. What's worse is DDay was the best night of sex, after he fell asleep is when I saw his phone and seen what he had been up to. We had sex for two hours (he was drinking) I wonder if he thought of the stripper. Well, we have been intimate, but not like that night 1) I know what happen now 2) I'm not connected 3) even our kisses feel off. DID I MENTION ON DDAY I FOUND OUT WE ARE PREGNANT!! Well due to that I feel really horny I'm sure it's hormonal. Most of the time I'm the one making the moves to start something just hoping Ill feel close to him again. I feel he feels obligated I don't know if he's enjoying it or pretending.

This week I've felt rejected a few times with him feeling tired, falling asleep early to today waking up and leaving to play his video games. It's been one shut down after another. He's done things around the house like cleaning, washing making dinner even when he's exhausted, but maybe I'm missing something. I've checked his computer clean, his phone clean he leaves to work and is home on time. He stopped drinking and I know that alcohol had to do a lot with sex all the time.

I know I chose to stay, he said he wanted to work on our marriage. He is doing counseling. WHAT IS IT THAT IM MISSING HERE?


Me: 34
Him: 35

Kids- 2 ours
3 from previous relationship (who he adopted)

DDay- Dec.9-10

Married- 6 years


Posts: 21 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
Uhtred
Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, January 18th (Saturday)

I think the best thing you can do is not pretend that you are ok because your not. I know I damn for sure am not and wear my feelings on my sleeve because I'm hurt.

Your spouse needs to see that you are hurt and be reminded of it. It's not your fault, he is the one that brought you here. That doesn't mean you don't keep trying to get better.

I'm not a poster child for advice by any means but that is the way I see it.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 605 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
Newme123
Member
Member # 41119
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, January 18th (Saturday)

I'm so sorry you are dealing with all this. It certainly sounds like your plate is very full. I agree, you need to stop hiding how you feel with him. I know easier said than done. I do the same thing sometimes also. It's just easier that way sometimes. (((Hurtbetrayed)))


Me-BS 33, him-WH 31
Dday 10-30-12 the day before Halloween
Married 10 yrs
DS-14, DD-9, DS-2, DD-5m
Currently trying to R

Posts: 74 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 3