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Reconciliation
User Topic: Song Trigger
33years
Member
Member # 41053
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, January 18th (Saturday)

Today my WH and I entered a hardware store and there was a song playing much too loud for my liking....an oldie. "When you can't be with the one you love....love the one you're with, love the one you're with" Since I know my WH is still in the fog, I felt like this could be his song. Uggh! I know, it's a mind thing and good chance he never even heard the song playing. I texted my daughter and told her and she snapped me out of it by saying that he asked me to go to the store with him and that I should give him a chance. The rest of our day together went well and we actually had conversations. Wow!


Me (BS) 58
Him (WH) 57
DD July 10, 2013
My Motto: "I'm fairly certain that nothing anymore is certain"

Posts: 73 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Middle of USA
fromaztowa
New Member
Member # 41880
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, January 18th (Saturday)

I still trigger over "Walking on Sunshine" because that was their song. You know, because he was so much happier to be with her instead of me.

I'm glad it worked out for you, but sometimes those things sneak in. Your daughter gave you good advice, try to relax and focus on what he is doing now.


ME: BGF/ now his DW
HIM: WBF/now my DH
Kids: 4
DD: 06/02 - on vacation in another state without me. R 09/02. Married 2003.
“He was a terrible boyfriend, but he is a wonderful husband”. - me

Posts: 23 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: United States
hpv50
Member
Member # 39703
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, January 18th (Saturday)

Ugh, songs, can't avoid them. It's great you could pull it together and keep going.

I trigger on Pink's "Just Give Me a Reason." it came out while my WH was gaslighting me. There's a lyric that says "it's just all in your head," and I had myself pretty convinced it was...until it wasn't.


Me: BS - 50; Him: WH - 51, vulnerable NPD
married 19 years, 3 kids
DD1 4/22/13 (hpv diagnosis)
DD2 5/9/13; DD3 6/30/13
DD4 7/7/13 admits "trying to date other women" for 3 years

Posts: 189 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: DC area
FracturedSoul
Member
Member # 41792
Default  Posted: 4:27 AM, January 19th (Sunday)

I think Taylor Swift sings that song "We are never ever ever getting back together"...that was the song on the radio JUST after I discovered that first fatefull Facebook message. ..It triggers me every time!

Hang in there...you are not alone♡


BS-33
FWH-33
Dating since 1997. Married since 2004.
DDay: 09/12/2012
4 OW from 2006-2012. Discovered all @ once.

Posts: 58 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: South Africa
steadfast1973
Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, January 19th (Sunday)

That song "You belong with me" by Taylor Swift. Lord, I'd love to punch Taylor Swift... It mimicked all of the emails from his EAP, of how i didn't "get him" like she did. She even used the exact phrase, " she doesn't get your humor, like i do." Of course you think he's funny B----! His jokes are about me, not you! Let's see how you feel about his humor when the jokes are aimed toward you! (sometimes I think my fwh's love language is insults - especially after spending time with his mother... The two months she lived here, it became very clear my wh had no chance of being an emotionally healthy man without professional help...)


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Flatlined123
Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, January 19th (Sunday)

Bryan Adams "Run to You".


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 677 | Registered: Jun 2012
eachdayisvictory
Member
Member # 40462
Default  Posted: 6:48 AM, January 19th (Sunday)

Avett Brothers; If it's the beaches. They are OUR favourite band, she became a fan because of H, and that song was their 'dream of escape'. Hurts so bad.


me, BW: 34
FWH: 35
Dday: Feb 2013
LTA for 2+years
children: 2 boys age 3 and 6
Reconciling

Posts: 380 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nova Scotia, Canada
SadFlower
Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, January 19th (Sunday)

A few months before D-Day, OW sent FWH a list of songs to express her feelings for him. These always trigger me:

"Kiss Me," by Avril Lavigne.

"Teenage Dream," by Katie Perry, with the words "Let's go all the way...with no guilt tonight." BTW, the OW is a 55-year-old woman!!

"Bring Me to Life," Evanescence

Anything by Barry Manilow, especially "Time in New England" (they would meet in Massachusetts for their trysts) and "Looks Like We've Made It." (Oh yeah?)

Note: FWH loathes Barry Manilow, OW adores him. I used to imagine the perfect punishment--FWH ending up with OW and having to listen to Barry Manilow all the time.



Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 408 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
steadfast1973
Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, January 19th (Sunday)

Oh, and the song "Hit" by the Sugarcubes. He posted it to her wall thr morning of dday. It's about falling in love unexpectedly...


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Kyrie
Member
Member # 41825
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, January 19th (Sunday)

Yep, Flatlined, Run to You is a big trigger for me. I used to love that song pre-DDay, not sure why - the words are horrible!


Me: BW (47), WH (48)
Married 24 yrs, 2 teenagers
DD#1 01.20.12 When diagnosed w/STD
Told it was 15 mo. PA that ended 6 years ago
DD#2 04.06.14 Truth: PA was 2yrs/8mo
Separated for 6 weeks
Reconciling and healing now

Posts: 203 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: southeast USA
creativecat
Member
Member # 41728
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, January 19th (Sunday)

We recently started getting into some of the "oldies" redone by Harry Connick Jr. and Michael Buble. "I Only Have Eyes for You," came on the other night and I had a complete meltdown. No matter how far we are into R, and how model a fWH he is being, I will NEVER be able to listen to that song (and many like it...all the "never" "always" "only" type songs) again.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Dec 2013
heforgotme
Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, January 19th (Sunday)

That country song, "You ain't woman enough to take my man".

The first time we tried to go out after Dday they were doing karaoke in the place we were in and someone sang that song.

FWH said, "She wasn't woman enough".

And I said....

If you're that easy to take, then she can have you.

Our first night "out" did not go well......


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1083 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
steadfast1973
Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, January 19th (Sunday)

"Say something" by A great big world and Christina Aguillara. Reminds me of how i felt in the months leading up to dday. "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus, kills me. To death. "Give me a reason" by P!nk and Nate Ruess. His part, sounds so blameshifty and gaslighty. "It's all in your head" the rest of the song is good though.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Dyinghere
Member
Member # 41313
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, January 19th (Sunday)

Jar of Hearts by Christina Perry
Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus
Just give me a reason by Pink

When I was your man by Bruno Mars




Posts: 132 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: the inside of my head
Lucky2HaveMe
Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, January 19th (Sunday)

Mine was Oh Leah by Donny Iris

"I see your lips and I wonder who's been kissing them..." OY


Love isn't what you say, it's what you do.

Posts: 6595 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
aero1122
Member
Member # 41575
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, January 19th (Sunday)

'Say something' makes me break down every time.


Me-35
WH-36
Together 18 years
Married 7 years
2 kids
D-day 12-7-13
Both currently in counseling
Trying to R

I am a warrior!
I will survive and thrive!


Posts: 102 | Registered: Dec 2013
silverhopes
Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, January 19th (Sunday)

"Hurry Up" by Mya still makes me think of H and the main OW. "If They Knew" by TLC makes me think of my mother's affair. Especially because she and the OW used to play the song in the car while I rode around with them.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3911 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
HFSSC
Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, January 19th (Sunday)

There is a song called "Wave on Wave" that makes me want to scream, throw up and kill somebody all at the same time.

JM started playing it for me when we were beginning to spend time together before our false R began. The chorus is "And it came upon me wave on wave. You're the reason I'm still here. Am I the one you were sent to save? It came upon me wave on wave." He used to play it for me and sing it to me.

Then in August 2011 when our false R blew up, I called OW and that song was set as her ringback tone. He lied to me repeatedly when I asked if that was "their" song or if he had played it for her before he finally admitted it.

I told him if that song ever played in my presence again, I would rip whatever electronic device was playing it and throw it out the window wherever I was. Thankfully, it's not something that I've ever heard on the radio or anything.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2814 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
33years
Member
Member # 41053
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, January 19th (Sunday)

HFSSC that is terrible! I'm afraid I'd have to do the same.
I guess I'm lucky that my WH and I never had a song. The song I heard in the store only bothered me because of the words being said.
It appears by all the other posts that songs can be a big trigger. Probably because songs can touch us on a deeper level emotionally.


Me (BS) 58
Him (WH) 57
DD July 10, 2013
My Motto: "I'm fairly certain that nothing anymore is certain"

Posts: 73 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Middle of USA
shatteredapart
Member
Member # 41978
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, January 20th (Monday)

Many country songs trigger me. Doesn't help that WH and I both like country. The Dixie Chick's song "When You Were Mine" starts me sobbing. Most of the songs I loved listening to this summer I hate right now because I think of them together while I was with our kids. To top it off I heard a voice mail message she left him where she called herself his "Country Girl". There goes that song too. He said he never called her that and that she likes pop/top 40 music not country. So I'm trying to focus on that and not let it trigger me when we're in the car and the kids beg to listen to music. I'm getting better about keeping it together. It helps a bit that WAS tin Many country songs trigger me. Doesn't help that WH and I both like country. The Dixie Chick's song "When You Were Mine" starts me sobbing. Most of the songs I loved listening to this summer I hate right now because I think of them together while I was with our kids. To top it off I heard a voice mail message she left him where she called herself his "Country Girl". There goes that song too. He said he never called her that and that she likes pop/top 40 music not country. So I'm trying to focus on that and not let it trigger me when we're in the car and the kids beg to listen to music. I'm getting better about keeping it together. It helps a bit that W'S ring tone right now is "You Lie" by the Band Perry.

[This message edited by shatteredapart at 7:23 AM, January 20th (Monday)]


Me-BS
Him-WS
EA(PA?) 10 months with COW
3 ddays-Sept '13, Oct '13, Dec '13
Attempting Reconciliation...time and actions will tell

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, January 20th (Monday)

Sugarland's Stay used to kill me.

Now, meh, nothing but a song.

I started to play songs that bothered me over and over. Turn them up loud and let them play.

It took away the pain from them.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3850 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
bionicgal
Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, January 20th (Monday)

I am lucky in this regard, as AP has terrible taste in music. Dark, depressing stuff - all chosen to make her look more intelligent and interesting than she actually is. She can take Tom Waits and stick him you know where! It is actually a joke between us now. . . I mean, this is a woman who prided herself on liking whiskey and Tom Waits. This was a "catch?" Jesus.

She and my H shared songs, but not so much in their meanings, but just music they liked. I haven't asked which songs he sent her, and I don't think I want to know. I am sure many of them are songs we shared. And in return, I think he liked very little of what she sent to him.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 2081 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Morhurt
Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, January 20th (Monday)

Bionicgal, I had to laugh when I read your Tom Waits reference because there's a song he sings that is so A related and sad and I love it. Others make me gag but for some reason I can listen to that one. It's called Poncho's Lament.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 958 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Crushed15Feb13
Member
Member # 38846
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, January 20th (Monday)

I don't know if anyone else had this reaction, but I found SO many trigger songs in my music library (I'll third Bryan Adam's "Run To You") I took all my CDs to a used bookstore and sold them. I dont listen to much music anymore (too much noise in my head) but if i do, it has to be Jazz, Classical, or Opera. Pandora is helpful.


Me: BH, 54
Her: WW, 54 4 yr LTA
Married 32 yrs, 2 college age boys
DDay #1: 15Feb13 - LTA 2008-2013
DDay #2: 27Jan14 - ONS, same AP 2007 - turns out it was a 6 yr LTA
Trying to understand

Posts: 257 | Registered: Mar 2013
Lucky2HaveMe
Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday)

It helps a bit that W'S ring tone right now is "You Lie" by the Band Perry.

Mine for him was "I'm Hard to Love" by Lee Brice


Love isn't what you say, it's what you do.

Posts: 6595 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
Childoftheking
New Member
Member # 41234
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday)

I had to google Run To You by Bryan Adams...(gag)...what a horrible song. I have to second Say Something. It reminds me of how I felt when I had no idea what was eating away at my husband. I also think of him when I hear Lee Brice's Hard to Love.


ME: 30, WH: 30, Married: 12 years, 4 amazing kids
DD: Oct 2, 2013- 2 month EA/PA while deployed.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" Psalm 34:18


Posts: 31 | Registered: Nov 2013
Topic Posts: 26