I think that since he''''s still in contact with the AP, you need to proceed as if you are headed for a divorce. He''''s sitting real pretty on the fence with you on one side and the OP on the other. It''''s time to kick that fence over and let him fall on his ass.
You see, he has made a decision. NOT making a decision and continuing the way that he is, IS making a decision. He''''s decided to try to stay married and also have a piece on the side. His decision is to make you put your life on hold while both you and OP do the Pick Me! Pick Me! dance for him. It''''s not a real pretty picture, is it?
Any decision other than I chose LostnHurt with all of my heart and soul, and I will do anything to earn my way back into her trust and love, is a decision to leave the marriage. He''''s left. His body may be there, but he is mentally gone. All that''''s happening is that the body is stinking up your life by reminding you of what was. You need to sweep all of that out the door, for your own sake.
At this point, if you have property in common, I would go see a lawyer and start the process of untangling your lives. Give him a real shot of reality as to where he is heading. I would not communicate with him at all, 180 him, except for necessary legal communications about property settlement, child support if appropriate, etc. Please understand this. You need to take care of YOURSELF right now. He will not. He will leave you in limbo, bleeding out, until there is nothing left of you. It''''s up to YOU to save yourself. No one else can do that but you.
I''''m so sorry. This isn''''t fair and it isn''''t right. But it is your reality right now and you need to face that reality or it will plow you under. You deserve SO much more. Don''''t settle for someone else''''s scraps.
[This message edited by Skan at 5:09 PM, January 21st, 2014 (Tuesday)]